my wife's office christmas party is tomorrow. it starts at noon. I am taking off from work tomorrow so that I can pick up her kids (from a previous marriage)
additionally, she's invited her ex's brother and family to stay with us tomorrow night to exchange christmas presents with them because she is still close to them even after her divorce
additionally, i will have my own two children, and two others whose mom will be working
the house is currently a mess, and i feel that a proper host would have something on hand for these guests like food and drinks even though they wont arrive til 9pm
i asked my wife what time she planned to be home tomorrow because 1. it will just be me with 6 kids, 2. i wanted some help cleaning up and 3. its her family coming and i feel she should be there to help prepare stuff
well when i asked her what time she'd be home she replied with "why?" as thought it wasnt my business and weve been arguing ever since
am i wrong here?
2006-12-21 06:12:27 · 39 answers · asked by stifledman c 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
my answer to the "why" part, was because we all these things to be done before our guests arrive
2006-12-21 06:44:28 · update #1
I guess get through the holidays for the children and talk to her when they are back in school
good luck
2006-12-21 06:21:35 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 3⤋
She is being very inconsiderate, but I have a question. Do you every go out and leave her at home and not tell her when you will be home? I only ask because sometimes this is done out of retaliation. If it is, she is giving you some of your own medicine.
If you are as Innocent as you seem in your question. You need to let her know how her actions have made you feel taken for granted and how much of a responsibility she has left in your lap, when the guests are HER guests and not yours.
Her actions should be cause for concern. She doesn't seem to have any respect for you or the relationship the two of you have. If she does this kind of thing often, it might be time for an ultimatum, and I HATE ultimatums.
I have never understood why a husband or wife would even want to go to a party without their partner. In a work environment it might be necessary for a half hour or so, just to make an appearance, but to me it shows a weakness in the relationship.
2006-12-21 06:26:07 · answer #2 · answered by PDH 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
NO, SHE IS WRONG. Did she understand what all needed to be done? I guess she will be upset if the house is a mess when she gets home and then upset when there isn't any refreshments or anything when the guest arrive.
Do what you must; but I would certainly have talk following the holidays. Maybe best and give you time to cool down some.
2006-12-21 07:04:15 · answer #3 · answered by Wondrin Dude 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK, you may be right.
But in this instance, arguing is going to be counter-productive. If there are six kids, they can help get the house straight. And you can get in at least enough food for a snack for your guests.
She may be grateful. If she's not, then don't you arrange entertaining at home again and don't take time off work to facilitate her partying again.
2006-12-21 07:00:29 · answer #4 · answered by Feinschmecker 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
when she asked "why?" what did you answer? because you should (and hopefully you did) let her know you feel a little pressed for time and would like to figure out ahead of time how much help you can be before the guests get there. and since the party is at noon, most parties will end about 3 or so. no boss likes a bunch of people standing for more then a few hours on his dime.
2006-12-21 06:23:17 · answer #5 · answered by Bella 5 · 1⤊ 2⤋
While she should be able to enjoy her office party I understand where you're coming from. Try talking rationally with her about your concerns and thoughts. If she is having them over she should be involved in the preparation and entertaining.
You should help her but I would not allow her to make you the one single-handedly taking care of the situation, although there are many women in your situation put in those kind of predicaments on a regular basis. Sorry! I hope she comes to her senses and comes home at a decent time to help you out! Good luck!
2006-12-21 06:17:08 · answer #6 · answered by Jen 5 · 1⤊ 2⤋
I could be wrong, but I think you may have some sort of underlying jealousy here. Are you jealous of her going to the party without you? Are you uncomfortable with your wife's ex's family coming by? I would sit down with her and talk about it, one on one. I can understand you feel stressed, but I don't think you should be mad at her.
2006-12-21 06:58:13 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, you're not. It's her guests. She can still attend her Company party, but she needs to cut the party short with them. Like say maybe 2 hours, tops.
2006-12-21 07:00:46 · answer #8 · answered by Pandora 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't ask her anything again, let her help you to organize the day before and put things in order. Concerning the kids don't worry just let them watch movies, play and eat. Have fun with them don't look at it as a burden, get acquanted with the family, relax. It is just a Christmas party how long will it take for her to be home.
2006-12-21 06:24:34 · answer #9 · answered by Ans 3 · 1⤊ 2⤋
She is Soooooooooooooooooooo wrong.
For one, she needs to get a babysitter and have her man at the party.
For two it is her guests so she needs to clean...at least help.
And 3 why do you have to take off work to watch kids while she parties?
Tell her she needs to find a cleaner and sitter while you choose something to wear to the party.
2006-12-21 07:57:37 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's a weird situation. The kids are one thing. I think when you're married, step kids become family.
The ex-in-laws are a different story. I would probably let her know you will be too busy to entertain ourtside of the kids. You need to have some idea of when she'll be home so you can respectfully let the ex's family know.
Still, give her a break. She needs to be at the party to socialize with her co-workers and no she doesn't do that at work.
In any case, just be patient, no one's perfect.
2006-12-21 06:20:17 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 2⤋