My fiance has 2 kids from his marriage. We have a baby together. His ex is not the nicest (actually she goes out of her way to be nasty and always has in the 10 years that I've known her) and has absolutely no understanding of boundaries, but I endure. A gift arrived the other day that I think was out of line. It was a picture frame that had a daddy poem and a small engraved plaque that included the names of the older 2 children and our daughter. I don't think it was appropriate for our baby's name to be included without being asked. If his children wanted to include their sister I would have prefered that she tell them that's nice but it would be better for the baby's mom to get this kind of gift. I've read so many books about ex-etiquette I should know how to handle this, but I just don't...any advice would be so appreciated!
2006-12-21 04:55:13 · 8 answers · asked by Jodi B 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I have a daughter from my marriage and she didn't include her name...
2006-12-21 05:12:29 · update #1
You're living with a man and making babies out of wedlock and wondering if some dumb photo frame is "wrong"? And you think she has a problem with boundaries? You're a fine one to talk about what's "appropriate" don't cha think?
You need to read some books about being a role model to children.
2006-12-21 05:09:54 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry that you were offended, but actually I think it was a nice gesture that she included your child's name on the plaque and had to be a little bit painful on her part to do so, but sounds like she is putting the interest of all the kids first.
This is acknowledging that your baby is part of the family as whole and sister to her children is acknowleging that he is with you and not her and if she has been a bitter ex, it has to be a painful pill to swallow.
Even if it is is worst case scenario and she only did this a dig to try to get under your skin, your taking the high road and thanking her for including your baby's name citing the above reasons in the paragraph will diffuse the situation and take all the fun out of it for her and she will less likely to pull the same thing in the future.
While it may sting a little for you now, in the long run you have to blend the children together and the sooner that you start doing so the better. Having all the kids names on the plaque is appropriate.
2006-12-21 05:09:27 · answer #2 · answered by bottleblondemama 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Without knowing the history between you guys, I would say initially that it's a lovely gift. I don't think it would be appropriate to give a gift to a father that includes photos/names of his children without including ALL his children, and that includes children from past and current relationships. Are you concerned that the gift may have a manipulative intent, or some other malicious bearing? If not, I would simply accept the gift with a gracious heart, and be the better person in all dealings with the ex. Best of luck to you all.
2006-12-21 05:02:12 · answer #3 · answered by basketcase88 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋
I think that the gift was a good idea. If you want the whole family (all of his kids) to feel like a family then you have to include the baby. Try and look at it with out the ex in your mind. If his kids were with you at a store and wanted to get there dad some thing. Would you not include the baby?
I used to feel so left out of my dads life. He had another child. It always seem to be them and us (brother and I). I would have loved it if my Mom would have made me feel some how part of there life even if I wasn't living with him.
2006-12-21 05:10:23 · answer #4 · answered by mrs.mom 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Doesn't sound like she was out of line to me at all ... he's their dad ... to ALL three of them ... maybe you should put the books down and start using your own heart/brain ... it's Christmas ... if she told the kids " that's nice but it would be better for the baby's mom to get this kind of gift " ... she would sound like a heartless b*tch to me ... get over it ... sorry for the harsh words ... but my advice to you would be enjoy the holidays with the ones you love ... and don't worry so much about the ones you don't ... !
2006-12-21 05:44:17 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it was fine. Your husband is the dad of all three children, so I don't think she did it as an affront to you. It sounds like the gift was for him not you, so you shouldn't do anything at all. If he wants to thank her, that's up to him. Or maybe he should thank his kids. It's always best to be the mature one and ignore any ignorance on her part. Your child and his children will respect you more in the long run.
2006-12-21 04:59:32 · answer #6 · answered by schweetums 5 · 4⤊ 0⤋
What ?? She included your baby and your upset ? I would have thought she would have left off the babies name and totally disregarded her. What are you so upset about ? I mean you know this man has 2 other kids and now your kid is half sister to them. I'm confused, I dont understand why your upset.
2006-12-21 05:05:58 · answer #7 · answered by JustMe 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
I would return the gift with a note, "In all good conscience and manners I cannot accept this".
The under-current tone of it from your description of her is mean-spirited and diminishing to the mother. This gift is wrong on so many levels that Miss Emily Post is spinning in her grave.
It is highly likely that she will cackle demonically in private when she gets it back, but will then try to use it to make you seem ungrateful and fein hurt feelings and all that rot.
Know that you are right and hold tight. She has crossed the line and there is no way back from this one!
We used to have one of those in our family. Now we ignore her totally, but we never speak badly about her to her children, we just change the subject when she comes up.
2006-12-21 05:07:57 · answer #8 · answered by darrellkern 3 · 0⤊ 5⤋