why cant a girl vent on her boyfriend?

Question

now just like everyone else we have pasts, my mom died recently and and im going through alot anger and mix emotions.
we have been through alot together since the first day we where together. for 10 months now ive bedwelling on this and my past also is seeming to take a toll on me, my party animal days are over and since if been clean memories and ghost feelings are just picking me apart, and on top of it all im dealing with the loss of my mom.
im 19, and my mom was 48, my boyfriend cares but he doent know what its like to be who i am and how i was. every time i need to vent he just says''i dont want to talk about it or you did this to yourself and get over it '' it hurts to hear that from him but he wont know until it happens to him.
now im wondering if i should talk to someone who knows how to listen like a therapist or just keep it all inside till im numb
what heck am i to do
your opinions count

Answer 1

You need your friends, but if you are like me when I was nineteen, real friends were few and far between because I too had my wild days, and no real friendships were formed during them, but many were lost. If he really can' t listen to you right now, then you will have to find someone else to talk to. Dealing with the loss of a parent is heartbreaking, I realized that the day my father died, when I was 19. I thought I knew heartbreak before, but nothing else came even close to the way it made me feel. Thinking back to the past few years of my life only made it worse, he must have died afraid for me, because I had not been living the "good" life, if you catch my drift. You need people right now, but you need people who care and are willing to listen. If this means talking to a counsellor, do it, don't feel bad about it, you are a human being going through something very difficult, getting what you need is nothing to feel badly about. Your boyfriend doesn't sound very understanding, even if you did create a lot of the problems you may be facing, if you are doing your best to overcome them and deal with them, you deserve a lot more support than this. Perhaps after your first couple of visits with a counsellor, you could suggest bringing him along once. Perhpas then he will understand what you are truly going through.
I am so sorry for your loss, and I am so sorry things have not been good for you, but you can make them better. Your mother is still inside your heart, she will know when things go well, she will be proud, she will be happy for you still. Just take care of yourself, be good to yourself, and try to surround yourself with people who really care. If you really need to vent, you can always e-mail me, I've been through it all and there is almost nothing you could say to shock me. Good luck.

Answer 2

First off, I'm so sorry for your loss, I can't imagine what you must be going through.

Guys don't like being in situations that they don't understand or can't control. They see any "venting" by women as asking for advise--which we're not doing, but that's how they see it. Guys don't ask for advise from just anyone, they go to someone they consider an expert. So, if you're venting with your boyfriend about these issues, he's construing it as asking for advise, and he has no clue, since he's never been there (as you pointed out.) You have 2 options. #1, talk to someone else, either another woman (we understand the point behind venting), or a therapist. A therapist might be a good idea, because they can sometimes help you through the grief process better than someone else, and can also recognize if you're dealing with some depression issues (you might). #2, talk to your boyfriend, but before you start venting, tell him that's what you're doing. Tell him "Look, I know you don't understand everything I'm going through right now, but I need you to just listen, and not respond to this, I just need to get this out."

I'll give you a book reccommendation as well, "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" I believe the author is David Gray or Grey (not sure). This is an EXCELLENT book about the differences in how men and women communicate with each other, and even how each sex defines the purpose of communication. This book will give you LOTS of insight into how men think...I know I understood ALOT about my husband after I read this book, and it's helped me avoid many confrontations that we used to have. Best of luck to you.

Answer 3

Sweetheart I'm sorry to hear your mom past away. That is the worst thing that can happen to any girl.
I think your best bet is to see a professional like a therapist. That just might be the only way your going to be able to vent.
Also you could try to find chat groups, discussion boards, or even social groups around your area that help with the grieving processes of a loved one.
I think that the reason your boyfriend doesn't want to here it, is because he might not know how to deal with dead or with someone who is grieving. It can be very hard for and outside person to understand or handle grieving when they themselves haven't experienced dead. I'm sure he cares but maybe you need to approach him in a different manor so he can try to help grieve.
Once again I'm so sorry!
Take care and I hope everything works out for you.

p.s. Do not hold any repressed feelings in that is the worst and most harmful thing you can ever do to yourself and to you love ones. Know that your mother I'm sure wouldn't want you to suffer. So, pls look for help outside the relationship

Answer 4

Everyone has provided you with some really good advice. I suggest you read them slowly and compile them into one big message.

Your boyfriend is not equipped to handle your situation. It's not his fault. And you are able to vent, but with your boyfriend you can't expect him to understand everything.

Sorry for your lost and sorry for your past. And I strongly believe you want to get help and get past all of this. And you can! But not through your boyfriend at this time. Please see help outside of your relationship and take care of yourself.

You have to do what is right for you. And if your bf gets shuffled to the back of the row during your time of healing so be it. Right now it is about you. You can't be any good to someone else while you have the world crashing down on your shoulders.

Take time out for you, and vent to those who are going to be the most positive influence in your life. Get your strength back up, and deal with your bf at a later time.

Rest my child,.... rest your mind.... inhale and exhale, inhale and exhale, scream, shout, cry, let the hurt come in, and wash it out with your tears. Whatever you do, don't keep it balled up inside.
It will make your head explode.

Go ahead... inhale, exhale, again.... inhale, exhale, ........

Answer 5

Boyfriends don't come in standard models, there's some Cadillacs, Lexis, Land Rover, Mustangs, there just all different, now my boyfriend, he loves to talk and talk and talk you can't shut him up BUT, this is really about you and forgiving yourself. Your so young and past is gone, future, comin on and I bet you have not done one thing that we all haven't. Actually don't drag things out like that, and don't tell your ALL to anybody so in a way the BF is right, just get on with life and enjoy the "in the moment". Be happy your on this wonderful planet and there's shopping malls and movies and........

Answer 6

Your boyfriend is not your therapist and isn't equipped to help you through your grief. Talk to a counselor, If you can't afford one, look in your phone book for free helplines, or use the internet to find some grief counseling message boards where you can vent, type your feelings, get sympathy and empathy, and learn how you can begin to put your life back together.

Answer 7

well, you should know that men hate it when women complain or stay depressed about the same thing over & over & over. They get really annoyed by that, it turns them off to the point where they don't want to talk about it, so if you keep bringing this up & whining about it, then he might just run away from you. It's not in the matter of being insensitive, the truth is that, men do listen & they will be there for you & are sensative about your feelings, but men expect you to get up on your feet, quit feeling sorry for yourself & do something about your depression. Showing that you are miserable day in & day out, then expecting to be comforted each time is not good. Men like strong women who are able to adapt to changes & over come bad times like the ones you are going through. Men like it when they see that we are independent & able to cross our own paths. The loss of your mom is hard, but you can't keep dwelling on it, i think that your mom would want you to be happy & move on with your life as soon as possible. If you feel you need to talk to a therapist, then go ahead & do that. But to keep being depressed will only dig you into a deeper black hole that may turn out even harder for you to get out of. So, GET UP, go out, try to be happy again & show yourself & everyone else how strong you are. No one likes to be around depressed people because it brings us down.

Answer 8

What an arrogant, self centered boyfriend you have. A boyfriend should be compassionate, understanding, and supportive. A good boyfriend would. You really should re-evaluate the relationship. He's doing you no good.

On the other hand, men are mr. fix-its. If we can't fix it we tend to keep away from it. Maybe that's what he's doing. He doesn't know what to do so he avoids it. Still....

Answer 9

venting anger on him is a very negative feeling. Despite your age its up to you to start maturing and control that anger. You have to get a hold of yourself, talk to him like you wanna be heard, say anything you wanna say in a calm and matured way. You should feel more at ease in this way. Few people would wanna hear you out if you are going to shout it out, especially those close to you.

Answer 10

I think u should see a shrink to. It will be better for u and your bf isn't making it any easier he should be supportive and try to help u. Not make things worse my ex bf use to say those things to b/c he is afraid of reality thats why your bf is doing the same. Take my advice go see a shrink it will help u.