She doesnt want to make love with me (Her Husband). So sometime i have to take care of myself by myself. She hates that i take care of myself. What can i do? help me plz.
2006-12-21 04:32:57 · 46 answers · asked by RARE AIR 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You need to explain to her you still find her attractive and very much the women, after women go through this some of them feel this way.. Also you need to explain you have needs and your taking care of them on your own, at least not with someone else.. Good Luck to you..
2006-12-21 04:35:01 · answer #1 · answered by Issym 5 · 8⤊ 1⤋
I admire you.
Your wife is being unreasonable but, in her defense, I have been there. I had a hysterectomy two years ago, I am young.
Menopause kicked in about 3 months after the surgery and has only gotten more intense. Unreasonability is a key trait and, unlike previous monthly mood swings, this is like a mack truck coming along. I see it coming, hear it coming out of my mouth, regret every word I am saying as I am saying them, and cannot for the life of me control myself. Thank goodness my husband understands this and ignores me.
Taking hormones only made it worse, I would cry if I saw a trash can tipped over. Sex? After a few months? I was on Vicodin for 3 months. I hated everybody and myself for at least six months.
Do whatever you need to do to take care of yourself. Everything your wife does for at least the next year is going to make you wonder why the heck you are sticking around. Hopefully you will ignore her, though she will be in your face mean, and you both will come out the other end still in love.
The nicest thing my husband ever said to me was after a really wretched tirade that I just could not stop. After the rage subsided and I started to think about what I had said to him I just wanted to die I felt so bad. He came into the bedroom with an aspirin and a glass of water and a cold washcloth for my forehead. He told me he knew I didn't mean a word I had said, not to worry about his feelings because he wasn't taking anything i said to him to heart, and to just relax because everything was ok. That made my world.
Your wife is a lucky girl.
2006-12-21 04:55:36 · answer #2 · answered by Liligirl 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I had a hysterecomy and it just got rid of the mess, not the fun. In fact I thought sex was better because there was no chance of coming up pregant. Talk to your wife, and ask her why. Call her doctor and explain see if there is a medical reason, for her feeling this way. Wine and dinner her one night , take a shower together, give her a massage , but on some good music , have the fireplace going. Get her in the mood. The operation is painful, but after the incision heals She should be good to rock and roll.
Good luck.
2006-12-21 04:46:18 · answer #3 · answered by springer 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Key -- Several months ago .... mmmm recovery from hysterectomy typically 6 - 8 weeks .... unless she ran into some complications, I would wonder if she is not milking this a little.
Insofar as taking care of you .... why on earth has she not offered to help you out via oral or anal?
If she's determined that you should not have any self-indulgence, do it when she is not around .... but also wonder why she would not enjoy watching????
2006-12-21 05:10:32 · answer #4 · answered by cdnponygirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hysterectomies don't have a stigma attached to them anymore, so why is your wife refusing sex? Most women have a feeling of great freedom after having this surgery. They welcome sex, knowing they no longer have to worry about getting pregnant. Something else must be going on with your wife. Instead of worrying about yourself, why not try to find out what's wrong with your wife?
Is she still having pain from the surgery? Is she going through some emotional stress; or have you upset her by demanding sex when she's not ready to respond?
Your wife may need professional attention. Someone should call her doctor and let him know about her situation. If you can tear yourself away from yourself, perhaps you might make the call.
2006-12-21 05:02:54 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to give her some time to heal. I went through this earlier this year and it was a very emotional thing to deal with. I do not know how young your wife is, but this procedure is pretty hard to deal with, physically and emotionally. Talk to her and ask her what is going on with her. Maybe you will get more answers that way. Everyone has their needs and I understand that sometimes you need to take care of yourself but find out why this bothers her. When you take care of yourself, do you let her know that you have had to? If so, keep it to yourself. There is no reason to share that kind of thing with her. She is still adjusting to the changes going on with her body. Just give her time and she will come around.
2006-12-21 05:41:30 · answer #6 · answered by mydds07 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sweetie, I am sorry that ur having to go thru this.. I know it is tough, but you have gotta hang in there, Sit her down and have a very serious conversation with her! Would she rather you go out behind her back and get it elsewhere? Sometimes counseling can help, but talk to her about it first, she sounds like she wants the cake and eat it too, but what about you, who takes care of you? I hope she can allow you to convince her to get help, I really think she will do better once the help is there, tell her you love her but that her being so distant is hurting you, tell her that you love her and that you miss her, make her feel like she is still the woman she was before the hysterectomy, alot of reassurance can make a huge difference! Good Luck!!!
2006-12-21 04:39:54 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
From what I understand about it, a hysterectomy is very traumatic for a woman, not just physically, but emotionally, because when a woman has a hysterectomy she may feel like less of a woman because she doesn't have her sexual organs anymore.
Hormone replacement thereapy would probably be a big help for her. But you need to give her time. And it sounds like your being quite selfish expecting her to give you sex, especially if she's not feeling up to it. It takes time, you need to be supportive of her and not expect her to give you sex when you want it. Wait till she's ready. She will appriciate you for it.
2006-12-21 06:13:47 · answer #8 · answered by Bryan M 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She is having mental issues--and I think when you tell her what you are doing it makes her feel bad because she is failing to take care of you---I would not tell her and I would ask her doctor if there is a reason why she has a low drive--there are lots of reasons why--I think you need to GENTLY remind her that with what you are doing is better than allot of husbands would do --(finding another woman for one) and that you love her and respect her need to heal but that you are concerned for her too--
I think you are a very good person to even be looking for reasons to help the situation--I hope she realizes what a good man she has in you
2006-12-21 04:41:58 · answer #9 · answered by skizzle-d-wizzle 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What she really hates is that you are finding pleasure and she is not giving it to you and of course she is having no pleasure at all sexually. Keep taking care of yourself and be honest with her that you need sexual release and that you love her enough not to cheat on her with another woman. Tell her how much her rejecting you since her hysterectomy is neglecting you but despite it you have remained faithful to her. See if she is willing to give you more oral sex and if it all falls to poo because she is too selfish then remind her that a marriage without intimacy will fail. Never hide from her that you need intimacy even if you're giving it to yourself. She will need to become more mature about this situation not you!
2006-12-21 04:42:48 · answer #10 · answered by Love to Love 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I've had no hysterectomy but after I had my child my sex drive went down hill and my husband would do the same thing and it would hurt my feelings it made me think I wasnt good enough...(good enough for him in many different ways).......but to make a long story short..It pissed me off for him to do it behind my back but during sex if he done it...IT turned me on...so when hes in the mood and Im not we kinda still do it just with me watching him & most of the time I get turned on and join in helping him or giving myself my own.....my point is tell her ur ready and ask her to at least watch.....good luck I hope this helps...
2006-12-21 04:41:30 · answer #11 · answered by pam 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋