How do you get someone to not just listen but HEAR what you are saying?

Question

My wife freaks out when it comes to numbers and that transfers over to anything that has to do with money other than is there enough in the account at this moment to pay for this thing.
I have been trying to talk to her about planning and how much money we waste every day, but she just doesn't get it. If I put her on a super strict budget she gets all defensive (as does her friends) about how she is a "kept woman". I tell her she is more "kept" by her creditors than I will ever keep her, but she just doesn't get it.

Answer 1

You can't make anyone do something they don't want to do but try this when you are not arguing about it. Sit down together and make a budget. Let her see where it all goes and what comes in to cover it. Then let her take care of it...tell her the first thing that goes to a late charge or is turned off the event will end her money management for the family.
Give yourselves each an equal amount of money to spend as you wish with no arguments allowed for how it was spent. If that isn't enough maybe you need a different spouse. She already needs to keep her mouth shut to her friends about things that are none of their business.

Answer 2

This is one of those things she will not hear. My husband won't hear it either. I had to decide that I would change my strict view of how money should be kept and managed. We've been together almost 8 years, we haven't saved a penny. We've both got credit issues but it has not stopped us from attaining what we want because there is always a way to get it without using a credit card or getting approved credit. We bought a brand new house last year from Lennar when we could not get approved through Century 1 and others, we bought and paid for a car for me through a used dealer who does not check for credit and paid it off in 1.5 years instead of the average 3-5 years. We got our second vehicle (truck ) this year and have 1.5 years left on it before we own it. We go on vacation still by allowing other things to wait then we get it back on track. We go out to eat and spend $300 on a night and really live like we're rich but it is because we spend what we have, not save it, not make our bills more imporatant than enjoying our lives. I realized he'd never be the saving type so I may as well start enjoying how much we spend and learn to make more. I did take control by being the one to pay the bills. Now I pay them first and allow him and myself to splurge when we want with the rest. When/if he complains about lack of cash I point out how much he spent on fun and that speaks for itself. Stop being the voice and allow her to see.

Answer 3

sometimes you have to take drastic measures
*give her a very small allowance like a child and just say 'deal with it'
*let her only have the money she makes (if she has a job)
*give her her very own checking account, so she cant take your money to use for frivolous stuff
*nicely and patiently tell her friends what the problem is, they might understand you then
*give her no money at all and you be the 'keeper of the accounts' and just tell her 'too bad, we dont have money for that right now'
*let the power be shut off once for a few days to show her 'woops, look what happens when you spend all our money'
*cut back on stuff she likes to 'accomodate' her spending...cheap food (baloney sandwiches for 2 weeks, mac n cheese etc), unscrew all the lightbulbs you 'dont need that bad', turn off the heat and wear coats in the house, lay off the cleaning service for a time if you have one, have very few xmas presents under the tree to prove you 'dont have the cash this year', wear the same clothes for 3 days in a row to 'save on the water bill'..things like that :)
just to 'prove' to her you have no money to accomodate her things and the necessary things *wink*

also, if she gets defensive, that just means she knows she's in the wrong and doesnt like it

Answer 4

LOL, she sounds like a big spender & you are a saver who is trying hard to keep a secure future. Don't worry about what her friends are saying about you two, it's none of their business anyway, people will talk & be nosy, so just forget them & focus on your finances, if she doesn't get it, i guess it's the way you explain it, i don't know, maybe you can try to explain it another way or keep talking to her about it till she gets it or maybe she just doesn't want to listen to you because she's stubborn. Either way, keep doing what you do, you sound like a responsible person, sometimes partners are just totally the opposite. Don't let her behavior on money mess with your future plans. You seem to know what your doing, so be proud of yourself that at least one of you is good at keeping track of your debt & finances.

Answer 5

Make a list that shows all your creditors and the amounts owed. Total it up and subtract this from the amount of money you have left and decide together how that should be spent/saved every month.

Answer 6

Tell her that you are willing to listen to her argument if she is willing to listen to yours. Tell her that you want to come to some kind of compromise. Sit her down and show her the exact budget. Be prepared to go on the same budget as you give her.

Answer 7

You have a real challenge. Most ppl under estimate the importance of financial literacy and they dont like it when they are taught. i suggest you buy the Cash Flow game of Robert T. Kiyosaki. It is a game which can open her eyes as well as yours. It could be the best Christmas gift I can think of.

Here is the link: http://www.richdad.com/fun_downloads/

Merry Christmas!!!!!!

Answer 8

If someone isn't willing to listen they are never going to hear anything. the only way she will ever get it is by hitting the bottom. you might need to find another way to show her and don't lecture.

Answer 9

she wants to spend all your money dude. period. and her friends? what do they have to do with anything? you aint married to them. they mght as well go down the street and tell someone who cares. get away from her (and her friends) while you still got some pocket change.

http://www.greendoorgifts.com/

Answer 10

i read your question, but i didnt bother to go into your details because you cant get someone to listen unless they are willing to. thats just been my luck and experience.