Yesterday my boyfirend invited his best friend and his best friend's girlfriend over. He knows I dislike her so he didn't bother to tell me she was there until I walked in my house. He had the day off and I worked a 10 hour day at a very busy law firm. When he called me at 6 I asked him if the kids had dinner yet and he said he was waiting on me. I said, "Well then don't I have to cook for everyone? He's like, "Yea." So I rush to the store, get home cook a big dinner while everyone sits around playing Deal or No Deal, put the kids to bed, serve coffee and dessert. He had no idea why I was annoyed. When I told him I was tired and needed to go to bed because I had to be at work early he told me I needed to explain that to everyone so I didn't seem rude. Am I making too much out of this?
2006-12-21 04:01:31 · 11 answers · asked by Tink 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
I think you are both wrong.
He is clearly insensitive to your feelings and thinks that it is your job to make food, because you are a woman.
But you are empowering him in this behavior by doing what he wants. You should have fed the kids, put them to bed and gone to bed yourself. Explain to the guests that you are exhausted after a 10 hour day at work and then excuse yourself.
By shopping, cooking for everyone, participating in the social event, you have basically shown your boyfriend that what he did is perfectly okay. In addition because you were so tired and annoyed you may have come off as rude anyway. So your efforts to be a good host were wasted.
It all boils down to respect. He doesn't see you as an equal, he seems to assume that you have certain obligations as a women, and that this includes, shopping, cooking and cleaning. You seem to be too eager to fill this role, but get annoyed about it. Just like with raising kids, you have to be consistent. Explain to your boyfriend that if he ever expects you to cook for his friends he needs to give you reasonable notice, do it on a day that you both agree to, and participate and share the work load. What he did was selfish, you need to make him aware of that, explain why, and make it clear that it should not happen again.
2006-12-21 04:08:55 · answer #1 · answered by ZCT 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No you are not! He could have started dinner and then helped with putting the kids to bed. There is no reason since he had the day off himself that he couldn't help. I would of asked him to help with dinner though since that is the way I am...I am a very blunt person especially if I am in a situation I don't like...He should have tucked you into bed and explained that to everyone for you if he was any kind of man!
2006-12-21 12:07:11 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think he was having a male moment yesterday without regard to feelings.
The issue about his best friend and girlfriend being over there wouldn't bother me so much other than having to prepare 2 extra meals, but that's nothing a couple of sides usually can handle.
The whole waiting until you get off of work and then telling you you need to run to the store AND cook when you arrive home is the part I'm having issue with. That would not sit well with me. But then my boyfriend knows this and wouldn't even dream of waiting for me to come home and then ME cook. At the bare minimum he'd order a pizza if he didn't cook the meal himself.
We have a working system in place, and maybe it might work for the two of you. Whoever gets home first starts dinner. Even if it's as simple as preparing the veggies to be cooked, setting the table and thawing some meat. We have it that they cook the meal, but I can't expect everyone would be gung ho on that one. Every other week I'm home before he is so I cook that week and back and forth. This creates VERY little animosity in our home when it comes to meal preparation and we both know what's expected of us on a daily basis so there's little room for excuses.
As for him telling you, you needed to explain, that would probably put me on edge as well. But I would also probably find the need to explain myself, or at the very least excuse myself. "sorry guys, been a long day, then coming home cooking and cleaning, I'm bushed, thanks for coming over, enjoy the rest of your time, I'm off to la la land."
2006-12-21 12:54:41 · answer #3 · answered by Heather S 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I can understand both sides, me personally, I think I would of told everyone the situation about me having to get up early for work the next day.
2006-12-21 12:35:40 · answer #4 · answered by its just me 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would not be comfortable going to bed leaving a woman that I don't like alone to roam around my house. I would stay up and yawn in her face until she finally got the messege or simply told them that I have to get up early in the morning and show them the door. And give hubby hell afterwards for not giving you fair warning, why would he do that to you anyway?
2006-12-21 12:58:38 · answer #5 · answered by jupitor 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, you are well within your rights. You worked, cooked and took care of the kids with no help. If he wanted to have people over he should have helped you more, not dump everything on you.
2006-12-21 12:05:45 · answer #6 · answered by triste_girl 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Gee Tink, just another little detail you forgot to discuss before you guys decided to shack up. But to solve the problems you are having, you need to discuss this little matter and then start putting your lives together in a logical way.
Good Luck
2006-12-21 12:09:57 · answer #7 · answered by snvffy 7 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Kids......boyfriend.........your smart, is there a word missing here. Like ....Father, Husband.......children don't want to introduce there friends to there moms, boyfriend....get married.... and maybe the reason your not married is the problem your having with him being so damn insensitive and selfish is because he can have both.....If you have children give them parents.....real parents and if they don't want to marry......ah hell this crap is the reason our society is so screwed up today....I can't go on
2006-12-21 12:29:55 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
+ You are making a mountain out of a mole hill. How about a little communication going both ways.
2006-12-21 12:13:40 · answer #9 · answered by buddiessister 3 · 5⤊ 1⤋
i can understand your reaction but maybe you should tell your boyfriend why you reacted like this and make him understand what he is doing.
2006-12-21 12:05:28 · answer #10 · answered by 12345 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋