I would like to know if I am just being paranoid or really do have something to worry about. I am married to a wonderful man whom I love and trust and I know he is a big flirt but I have noticed at the last few family functions, he's always glancing at or looking for my cousin's wife and finds a reason to specifically talk to her. And I think she has noticed the special attention too. Before, he never really talked to her but 2 years ago, at a reunion, they started chatting and somehow clicked and ever since, he will find a way to pair off with her exclusively. No one has noticed but me but I feel his interest is too much and these last two holiday functions, I feel it is being reciprocated. It's like when we're all together, they try to act normal but they both come off looking and acting guilty. It's not noticeable to anyone but me because I feel like it's my wife's instinct catching it. He's the type who likes to have attention from women but I get the sense that there's more to it.
2006-12-21 03:23:33 · 18 answers · asked by minnieme 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
well you could be right.. you should first of all if you suspect anything going on you should let the other husband your cousin know. and you should confront her and your husband.. but it might just be a little bit of jealousy happening their.. so you should pay close attention before you confront them because that sort of accusation could ruin two families.. one of them being your own.
2006-12-21 03:27:17 · answer #1 · answered by Emi 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My reaction would be to tell him in a very direct, non-accusatory, and convesational tone what you've noticed. Just present it as an observation or what you've "noticed". Be specific. Leave a "wife's intuition" completely out of it. Just present your observations as statements of fact and be very spcific about those "facts" that you relate to him.
Tell him that you believe that something is or has been lacking in the marriage and that you would like to work on your relatioship--especially before either of you do or say anything that would be regrettable to either of you or to your marriage later. You may even want to offer to do this with or without a marriage counselor).
While it may be true that "where there's smoke,k there's fire--the very opposite could also be true as well. But you'll never figure that out if you don't bring this up and get it off your mind and your chest.
Please don't wait any longer. The longer you wait, I'm sure the more your relationship will be poisoned, the more anxious and miserable and suspicious you will feel, and these situations are the very last things you could possibly want to have happen or to have to live with.
2006-12-21 11:40:42 · answer #2 · answered by answerme 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well he's at least interested in her.
But let me get this straight - you've been noticing for *2 years* and you haven't said anything to him? What are you waiting for - that scene from The Godfather where Sonny gets interrupted screwing the bridesmaid while his wife is downstairs?
Sit him down, and don't *ask* if he's interested, *tell* him he is interested in her because you know d*mn good and well he is. Then just be quiet and LISTEN.
After he is done sputtering and spinning, tell him WHY you know.
Now, what next?
You should both sit down with her at the next gathering, and HE should say to her, "We've been eyeing each other. My wife has noticed. I've been finding reasons to get alone with you. My wife has noticed. We need to stop being alone together or there's going to be trouble."
Then *she* can sputter and put a spin in it. Fun. Then you can finish up by saying, "If you two keep wanting to be with each other, I will grant your wish by divorcing attention boy here. But he won't have a dime to his name because I'll have cleaned him out for adultery, and he's a lot less charming when he's broke. Otherwise the matter is settled and it's in the past. Clear? Good."
2006-12-21 12:28:25 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Since he likes attention from women, get his attention by telling him he better knock that flirting off and stop acting like a fool. Or you will make a fool out of him. Tell him " other people" have noticed he's giving way too much attention to this cousin's wife and what is trying to do, cause problems in other people's marriages?
2006-12-21 11:58:17 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to set your boundaries with him and let him know what his behavior looks like and how it makes you feel. I can't tell you if he's cheating or not but I can tell you that he has something lacking in him if he feels that he needs constant attention from other women and has to flirt. These behaviors show that he has some poor self esteem and by getting this attention from other women it makes him feel more of a man. Which he needs to fullfill himself instead. My exhusband had the same type of behavior and I was really trusting and it ended up where he cheated and had been cheating but that was my ex and in no way does that mean yours is cheating. You need to open up the lines of communication and tell him how you feel.
I like what that other lady said about talking to other family members or friends and seeing how they view his behavior. Just be discreet because you don't want everyone knowing your business.
2006-12-21 11:30:21 · answer #5 · answered by Serinity4u2find 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you talked to him about this and asked him if there is something going on? Don't waste time and energy speculating and getting yourself worked up. Just ask him what is up and let him know how you see the situation and perceive his actions. My guess is you have nothing to worry about : )
2006-12-21 11:32:23 · answer #6 · answered by Mystic 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would ask other family members who are normally present at family get together and see what they think. Confronting him might upset him or cause him to be defensive. Before doing that, I would check with other family members and get their opinions.
2006-12-21 11:30:17 · answer #7 · answered by JAD 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
To really know for sure if someone is cheating you go out there and hire a private detective. Otherwise it's all speculation and you are driving yourself (and him) crazy for no reason.
Get the proof then go to war,
Good luck
2006-12-21 11:30:49 · answer #8 · answered by artist-oranit.com. 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you're worried, make them aware of your concern by politely joining the conversation when you see them pairing off. One or two doses of that will most likely solve your problem.
2006-12-21 11:44:11 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to him and ask him if there is something going on. If you trust and love him enough you should sit down with him and discuss the uncomfortable.
2006-12-21 11:42:29 · answer #10 · answered by Gucci S 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋