My wife is a corporate type and works, works, works. Our 10 year marriage was good for the first 7 years but the last 2 were difficult. I was angry at her for working so much, leaving me the majority of care of our three kids but also, and more important, I missed her company. I started hanging out with the guys at the race track. We never got into financial problems and continued saving but my wife got angry and 9 months ago moved out because of it. I have since reformed. HOWEVER, turns out BEFORE she moved she met a guy who told her that I was a bum and that she should leave me and she was seeing him until three weeks ago. We have had some family and school activities that forced us to spend time together. She wants to get back together, start marriage counseling with the goal for her to move back in february (assuming the counseling works). We both love each other, we are both good parents. Is it too late? Should we forget it? I think so but would hate to act because of anger.
2006-12-21 02:34:45 · 24 answers · asked by Chestnut T 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
No. I m not blaiming her for MY behavior. We are adults and are each responsible for what we do.
2006-12-21 02:35:25 · update #1
I believe that you two can work it out but it's really up to you.
Are you willing to take her back? Are you able to forget about that guy she was with?
Just be careful, things/people don't change overnight.
2006-12-21 02:38:07 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
It is never too late to try and save your marriage. You said you both love each other and that is a great starting point. The way l see it is you are both at fault. She was working far too much and you started hanging out with your mates at the races. I feel that there was more to her working all the time though as she also had time to meet this other guy. Obviously he only told her you were a bum for his own gain and she fell for it. If there were problems between the two of you she should have been discussing them with you and not some other guy. I feel what she did was far worse than what you were doing. Having said all that though l guess if you are willing to forgive her, you both love each other and have 3 children to also think about, you can make it work. It will take a lot of time and effort though from both of you to get the trust back, but you can make it work if you really want to . I wish you lots of luck. Merry Xmas
2006-12-21 10:59:51 · answer #2 · answered by kazzadanni 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well it sounds to me like she has some decisions to make ,,,,, Like what's more important ,,,, her home and family or her job ,,,,, and if she's been with you long enough to have three children then she should know whether you are a bum or not and if she's listening to the guy that told her that then I would wonder about her intelligence ,,,, To my way of figuring I think she owes you an apology because it's her job that started all of this to begin with ,,,, She should have known better than to let things escalate to the point they did ,,,, She should have kept an acceptable balance between the two ,,,,, And I don't know ,,, where this guy she was seeing is concerned ,,,,, I personally think I would have issues with her about that ,,,, I mean here she is a married woman with 3 children screwing around with another man not her husband and not the father of her children ,,,, She should come back looking downward with her hat in her hand begging forgivness for that one ,,,, I mean who the hell does she think she is anyway ,,,, Does she expect you to just let the fact that she screwed off on you go ? Would she let it go if the situation were reversed ? If you can save the marriage then that's great for the sake of the children ,,,, But I don't know about her extra marital activity ,,,, Only you can answer that one ,,,, As for who's to blame for this whole mess ,,,, I would say she is ,,,, It was her and her job that became more important than the most important things in her life ,,,,, and for ever action there is a reaction ,,, Hence you started playing the horses ,,,,, so what ,,,, You were just betting on them not screwing them ,,,,
2006-12-21 14:09:34 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Of course it's not too late! Your main complaint was how much she worked. In counseling, ask the counselor to help you two figure out how to reach a mutually acceptable compromise about how much time you'll spend together. In a perfect world, you would have started counseling quite awhile back, rather than starting to hang out at the race track. You didn't choose to handle your dissatisfaction with the marriage in a healthy way, and neither did she. You both made mistakes, but if you're both willing to forgive and make positive changes, there is no reason why your marriage can't get back on track.
2006-12-21 10:41:00 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think you already know the answer. You love each other and are both good parents. No it's not too late. It sounds like BOTH of you are willing to make an effort, so why not give it another go round, especially if you two are planning on counseling as well. If at all possible, make this work.
If it causes more harm than good to everyone involved sticking it out, then that's the only reason I would forget it.
Good luck, sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders.
2006-12-21 11:33:19 · answer #5 · answered by Heather S 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think u should try and work it out, it sounds like u guys do love each other... Marriage isn;t easy... its hard and we all have our ups and downs. To many people these days get married for all the wrong reasons and then have a rough patch in the marriage and then bail ... that not what marriage is all about... i mean u guys have been together for 10 yrs ... there has to be something special there... go to counselling and try to fix things... and if u can't fix things after that then at least u can say u tried.
Best of luck to u and ur family.
2006-12-21 10:43:11 · answer #6 · answered by laydenirvine 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Sounds like you both really wish for a Renaissance, but are stuck in neutral in reaction to each others' poor choices...Since you sound relatively educated and your description of her seems plausible, I'd say that reconciling will most likely be effective. However, for it to actually come to fruition you BOTH must check your hostility and judgments at the door of the counselor's office. It's really easy to get caught up in blaming each other, especially when one person's flaw is so tangible (the racetrack scenario) while the other person's flaw can be somewhat more obscure--working a lot is not something that one can put their finger directly on....More than likely the man she met was just someone that she wanted to receive "approval" from , even though at the time she was probably just pissed about your recreational activity at the track....I think you have a pretty good shot at sewing it back up again. Remember, though, that this problem wasn't conceived and borne all in one day, so it's going to take a while to discover the panacea. Good luck!
2006-12-21 10:46:49 · answer #7 · answered by clever nickname 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I'm not feeling a divorce here. You are both mature people who made a few mistakes. You acted out of lonliness, and she acted out of anger. The marriage, however, still sounds salvagable. You owe yourselves this opportunity to try and work things out. Your wife sounds sincere, and so do you. Swallow your pride, Big Guy. Go along with the counseling, like your wife suggests. You're two loving individuals who should get back together. Best wishes for success!
2006-12-21 10:51:12 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Marriage is hard and takes work.. but you know that.
The guy in the picture is a bothersome variable but I think that either she finished seeing through his bull or the promises made by him are null and void.
Take her back if you love her and instead of running away from the problems you both have.. talk more.
I understand she is a work-a-holic but she was obviously staying away from the house for a reason also.
I would say even after she moves in.. stay with the counsel and have them act as a intermediary
Good luck to you
2006-12-21 10:40:54 · answer #9 · answered by Prof. Timpo 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I can answer this one from experience. Counseling is a good idea. But, go into it with an open mind and don't feel as if it's a battle. Each of you should spend time... just listening to each other. Let her talk for 10 or fifteen minutes... then it's your turn. No one is right or wrong... just listen. Then, start dating again. Don't try to get everything back at once. Go to a movie, go out to eat... keep talking and most importantly... keep listening. GOOD LUCK AND MAY GOD BLESS YOU.
2006-12-21 11:01:00 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
It definately sounds like you should give it another chance. She is looking to make changes in herself and you have seen the err of your ways and reformed too. It's wonderful that you were able to take a break and fix what needed fixing.
The fact that you came back to each other and that ther is still love, shows that you are likely "meant" to be together. The inability to stay away from a person even after they have hurt you deeply is a sign of true love and compatibility.
Also, the fact that you have children together......well, I bet the kids want you to get back together, right?
Good Luck and God Bless!
2006-12-21 10:47:01 · answer #11 · answered by brookebjpl 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋