How do i get over my wife leaving me, even when she says im a good person and its not me?

Question

I'm 24 and my wife and I have 3 kids. a 6 year old that was hers before me and twin baby girls that are 4 months old. I was a touring musician but i now work for A Engineering firm and i am taking a masters course so i have been busy trying to give her all she needs. she said she fell out of love and she doesent know why. how do i get over her without going crazy.. I feel as if i have nothing to live for even though everything in my life is going good besides my marrage. We tried counciling but she doesent know why i get on her nerves. I was willing to look past her always yelling and screaming. Her mom has been married 6 times so i should of known that she was going to bail. she desided yesterday at counciling that she was done and i am done waiting by her side to see if she wants me. the wort part is she says im a good guy and i work hard, she thinks we dont vibe well but i do and i wanted to. I know she is not cheating. I just need some advice on how to get over her. -AMV

Answer 1

there are plenty of good women out there. i've realized that most unhappy relationships get dragged on longer than they are supposed to. only because you keep in touch or have hope. remember "not in sight, not in mind" just keep your distance and you will soon realize you are better off with out her.

Answer 2

Divorce is like a death to some, you have to go through the grieving process. I would suggest you stay in counseling to help you deal with your emotions because it's going to be hard. Just try to remember that this too shall pass and someday you'll come out of the fog to find a really great life and possibly another wife...you'll look back and think that it all happened for a reason, it lead you to a lot better place and a lot better person by your side. Try to stay strong for your children. If you're close to her child also, let it be known that you'd like to continue that relationship, if possible. Her child is losing another father you know. Good luck and keep looking for the break in the clouds because the sun is still shining up there even when we can't see it.

Answer 3

I'm sorry you are going through all this. You tried counseling with her. Maybe you should get some for you. It will help you through this and teach you how to do better in relationships, or if there is something you need to work on. It sounds to me like your wife has a mental health issue, so she is right about it being her and not you.
That doesn't make it less painful, but sometimes it helps to hear it from someone else.
Do not rush into another relationship. A rebound relationship is usually doomed from the start and causes more problems than it fixes.
Spend quality time with your children, finish your masters, and spend time with family and friends. Work on yourself for a while, doing the things that you like to do and making your life better for you. In time, you will find another special someone.
And keep things amicable with your wife. When you divorce, it is better if you are on good terms so that you have a better chance of getting the custody arrangement you want. Since she admits it is her fault, you'll be going in with a better shot at it anyway. Prove yourself to be the stable and together one. Your record shows you have worked hard in both your work life and the relationship. you are a hard working man and that is truly admirable.
Best wishes, and happy holidays.

Answer 4

m going through the EXACT same thing !! Well i just take it day by day dont force urself 2 date anyone right now b/c all it will do is remind u of how different she is from them. Just be alone 4 a while rediscover urself realize that u are an individual and dont need any1 2 complete you, she was just an enhacement, you are still the base structure and you can and will survive this!!!!! Start hanging around friends and once u do start dating again, go on double dates so you can all hang out as a group. I know it hurts but u will get through this, it takes time and believe me ur gonna cry and feel like all hope is gone but 1 day ur gonna wake up and realize that this is one of many heartbreaks 2 come so you might as well move on learn from it and b ready 4 da next 1. and more often than not , when your finally over her she will realize what she lost and then the ball is in ur court. love is just a funny thing lol so ill b praying 4 u stay strong and try to just relax a little everything will wrk out

Answer 5

I was there, almost exactly and at the same age too. All I can say is that time and some distance (emotional as well as physical) will be the biggest factor in healing or getting over it and on with your life. In that situation I did exactly what one guy said and that was to get in to a new relationship. It works for a while but the finality and ominous nature of being married & divorced so young continued to haunt me for some time. You'll be OK, just keep plugging away at getting your masters and concentrate on your career. You'll find what you're looking for and probably when you least expect it too. I know I did.

Answer 6

Nothing you can really do but to be patient and try to be understanding. All you can do is tell her how you feel about her and that you will wait patiently and do what you have to do to get by, and tell her that you are praying for her to reconsider and get back together.
It sounds like she is at a point of not knowing what she wants.
Somewhat in-dicisive, and she probably got that from her mother. Sounds like she is doing like her mother has done. End relationships just because things aren't perfect. Not thier fault, it may just be how they are. Possibly some kind of bi-polar, chemical imbalance.
My wife is like that. She doesn't know what she wants and I'm pushed aside until she makes her mind up. She probably never will and I will probably give up and move no. It's sad, but there isn't anything anyone can do about it but them. They need couseling or medication but they won't. They blame it on everyone and everything else. Denial.
Good Luck

Answer 7

Women seldom jump out of one pond unless they have another one to jump into. This holds true even when they are being abused by a current spouse, so it is even more common when their current spouse is a "nice guy". Look how many women you dated that broke it off and were heavely involved with someone a week later. They keep you in reserve until the "better" option becomes a sure thing. This is why so many men are raising first children that actually belong to the former boyfriend. Women will overlap the loves in their lives. Men tend to have space between relationships. One ends and a mourning period is observed before another committed relationship is undertaken. I'm not saying that some zip sex isn't involved in the process, but commitment takes time for men.

Answer 8

You must understand that this woman doesn't love you. In fact, she may never have loved you. Women sometimes fall in love with love, rather than with the person involved. Considering how many times her mother has been married, it's possible that your wife may have picked up this trait. In any event, you've got to find the courage to move on. What's up with your music? Any chance of occupying some of your time with that? If not, find some other ways of staying busy, while you go through the healing process.

You may not think so now, but there is a woman out there who wants to cherish you. She wants to love you with all of her being and you won't get on her nerves at all. Give yourself some time and then get on with your life. The future's waiting.

Answer 9

Well, please don't follow the advice of the first answer. A new relationship is NOT what you need.

The fact that your babies are only 4 months old is the key. Your wife likely went through a lot of changes during her pregnancy and after the birth of the babies.

Also, you said that you changed your career. Going from a touring musician to being a working professional is a major change in not only profession, but also in the way you are percieved. In my opinion, she misses the wild man who played in clubs and who she saw as being "alive"

As far as getting over her....if you love her and you think that what you have is worth keeping then don't just give up because she is. My husband tried to give up on me because he was bored....SO, I reminded him of who he married and coupled that with the security and the unconditional love that I always gave to him. The combination of the old me with the safety of the present me, was enough to make him come home and stay.

Being together is what's best for your kids. Talk to your wife about what she wants out of life and ask he if you can at least try to give it her.

You don't really want to get over her, you want her back. It's right there in what you wrote.

Good Luck....never give up on what you really want.

Answer 10

Time, it takes time to get over a love one who leaves you. I was married 24 years and my wife left. I am a good person, I work hard and provided a good living. But she wanted someone else and so she left. It almost killed me. Luck for me, our children were grown, 18 and 21. But you get over it, well, not 100%, I dont think I will ever be over it completely. I have married again, and am very happy, she is married and happy also. But We both have regrets. But life goes on. Take some time, and get some counseling, but in the end, time will heal most of the pain. Yes Pain, there is pain in the heart, but it will ease with time. Good luck and dont forget to pray. Perhaps you and she can reconsile.

Answer 11

Honestly, there is no magic remedy to get over her. When you love someone, you can't just move on like that. It sounds to me like she doesn't love you. And she's a bad person for having children with you and marrying you. I just recently went through a divorce and I didn't want it. Just wake up every day and try to make it better than the last. You'll eventually move on and find someone new. I hope the best for you.