I just got engaged and am very happy .The very odd twist is that i used to be engaged to my fiances brother and i met my fiance while coming home with his brother as his fiance two years ago.I broke up with his brother during a fight christmas day because after three years of being engaged on and off he was still married to his job!My fiance and i have kept this relationship on the down low and only just got engaged this September.His parents and sister kind of already know but his brother does not.My fiance wants too anounce it to everyone at once during the holiday but i am terrified that things will get akward very fast his family is not big on me.
2006-12-21 02:26:35 · 15 answers · asked by Jessica W 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I dont know what to do i feel sick and too make matters worse my ex.bf left me a message thankgiving time asking to get back together and that he still loved me.I never called back or mentioned it to anyone!
2006-12-21 02:28:41 · update #1
You must be from Kentucky or Tennessee.
2006-12-21 02:28:41 · answer #1 · answered by BORED AT WORK 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have your fiance call his brother and tell him that you two are together and that he just wanted to let him know that you are going to be announcing your engagement on Christmas and wanted him to get a heads up so he wouldn't be shocked. This is going to be a very difficult time for everyone involved. My in-laws are not to big on me either and the holidays are here and so far I have been able to stay away from them, my husband takes the kids to their house and I stay home (we live a few blocks away from them). You have a choice to make, do you want to be there when everyone finds out that you are engaged to the (other) brother, or do you think it would be better for your fiance to be alone with his family when he tells them, I'm not saying don't go but maybe drop him off and go for a drive while he tells his family, that way if there is a problem you won't be there while things calm down. Good Luck
2006-12-21 11:42:55 · answer #2 · answered by mom-of-2 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yikes! Sounds like a difficult situation.
If they're already not keen on you, then odds are that this isn't going to change their minds. That'll probably take a lot longer than just one Christmas visit.
For the short-term, just remember to be polite to everyone, even if they're not polite to you. If anyone asks any questions, be honest. The past is the past and you've obviously moved on, so hopefully they can, too. Don't drink too much. You don't want to lose control of the situation. And tell your fiance about your fears. Ask him to keep an eye on you and bail you out of any confrontations. Let him know that you don't want to cause friction in his family, and that you're worried his family will take it badly. I'm sure he wants things to go smoothly, too.
If all else fails, go for lots of walks or find excuses to get out of the house so you can remove yourself from the situation and clear your mind. Family can be stressful, and sometimes it's worse when it's not your family, because you're not sure how much love there is for you. Just take it easy, look after yourself and your fiance and be strong! You'll get through this!
Congratulations and I hope the Christmases to come are happier for you than this one will be.
2006-12-21 10:33:56 · answer #3 · answered by mikah_smiles 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
JER-RY! JER-RY! JER-RY!
No, seriously, this is a predicament you two have allowed to happen. I'm not going to fluff this up for you. First of all, with the stickiness of the brother relationship of your two fiances, out of pure respect you two should definitely have told the brother FIRST and together. Many people feel that there are certain lines that you shouldn't cross with friends and relatives (being NOT to get involved with their significant past relationships). And how unfair to drop that kind of bomb on him at the holidays! Publicly. At a time that always raises emotions and nostalgia. This will probably ruin Christmas for him for a long time. You could have spared him that by telling him a long time ago. Shame on you two for hiding from the hard part.
2006-12-21 11:17:33 · answer #4 · answered by The Mama 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes. There will be weirdness, but you sound very intelligent, I think you knew this day would come, even before you and the brother ever got engaged. You're just going to have to deal. I find the best way to deal in awkward situations like this is to come in with the sense about you that you KNOW that people aren't going to accept you (even if they do would be a bonus), and that you KNOW that your-alls love is not ordinary, but you also KNOW you all are in love and that everyone else will have to deal, but be respectful.
Good Luck.
2006-12-21 10:33:42 · answer #5 · answered by Si S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's nice you're happy but it seems really selfish to subject everyone else to what will surely be an uncomfortable situation for all of the family-except perhaps your fiance. You're right about his family-they won't get over this for years to come and are more likely to "blame" you than him. Why not take the high road and have a quiet Chirstmas with just the two of you?
2006-12-21 11:06:05 · answer #6 · answered by Middleclassandnotquiet 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OMG! What a situation! Is it possible to announce the engagement when the brother is not present? If possible, find a hotel so you and yoru fiance can stay, so they will be less awkward moments. Hopefully, the brother is dating someone and that would make it less stressfull
Good luck
2006-12-21 10:29:28 · answer #7 · answered by Blunt 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well there isn't much you can do but just shrug your shoulders and give a look as if to say it's not the most ideal situation but here it is, its out there... and thats that! Stressing over it isn't going to do any good. You have to tell them at some point, and it's not going to be easy no matter what so just get it over with.
2006-12-21 10:30:27 · answer #8 · answered by sassinya 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow! You've got yourself into a weird one there!! You can not hide it forever, it may help to have your new man and you talk to the old man before the day. Do it together, this way, he won't find out in front of the whole family and feel humiliated.
2006-12-21 11:34:39 · answer #9 · answered by Love to Love 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow. Well, there are exceptions to every rule right? ^_^
Tell your ex (fiance's bro.) that you and his bro are getting engaged before Christmas that way he can sort some stuff out in his man-kind of way. Instead of blowing the news to him the day of.
2006-12-21 10:44:30 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
the brother will have to deal with it sooner or later and that is what it is gonna be so all i can really say is good luck i wish that the best happens for the two of you if you reallylove your fiance you will do this for him
2006-12-21 10:34:14 · answer #11 · answered by angie f 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋