Time unraveling
Midnight shadows dance
Tick tock, tick tock, tick-
I know there's no word that refers to a specific season, and that it doesn't follow the traditional syllable pattern, but does that matter?
2006-12-21 02:23:36 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous in Education & Reference ➔ Words & Wordplay
Here's another go;
Enigma
Time unravling
Midnight shadows softly dance
Tick tock, tick tock, tick-
2006-12-21 02:55:02 · update #1
i like the use of the caesura at the end [thats the poetic term for a hyphen...it is used to replace words, leaving a bit of mystery] since you have shadows dancing, the mysterious effect of a caesura works. however, you did a 5-5-5 syllabic pattern. traditional haiku is 5-7-5-7-7 yes, with 5 lines. that is called a tanka. the haikus most americans are best associated with is the modern style of haiku, called the renga. the syllabic pattern fr that is 5-7-5, only 3 lines
i think you were going for a renga, but you still need two more syllables in the second line
also, a common trait of haikus is that they are to a cheive a zenlike state by juxtaposing opposites. you do not have that element, but you could easily introduce it in your poem
youve got a good start, but keep working
also, haikus do not have to refer to a season, but many do simply because haiku's are traditionally about nature
2006-12-21 02:42:48 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
the traditional haiku has the first and third lines with 5 syllables. the 2nd line has 7. usually, they (japanese haikus) refer to nature but since its the modern world and all that, any topic would do (the windows xp haiku the other person posted is hilarious indeed).
you made a good haiku. it makes sense in the simplest terms. :)
2006-12-21 02:33:45 · answer #2 · answered by Lena 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its good, but since it doesnt follow the traditional layout its not a haiku. Nice try though. My friend found some haikus off the internet. One goes: "Windows xp crashed.It is the blue screen of death. Now one will hear your screams." Isnt that hilarious?
2006-12-21 02:27:17 · answer #3 · answered by grapefruitgirl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's pathetic. Write it yourself, and make it meaningful. Here's a haiku for you: Mother's day matters if you want something special WRITE IT ALL YOURSELF
2016-05-23 05:08:49 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry but your words have nothing to do with a 'haiku' at all!
2006-12-21 02:27:31 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I like it. It is very cute! I am going to save it on my computer!
Have a very Merry Christmas!
2006-12-21 02:33:37 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋