this summer i had a relationship with a wonderful guy; we had lots of fun, he accepted and appreciated me the way i am... we really trust each other and we also fell for one another.. he is divorced and has wonderful kids (i've met them, and they're great!).
unfortunately, i had to leave town at the end of the summer... now i'm on the other side of the world (literally), but we're still really good friends, talk every day, and i hope we see each other again next summer.
the problem is, i still have really deep feelings for him.
he says he loves me, but then at the same time, i know he's not over his ex-wife, would like to fix things with her, and go back to his family (even though he's a bit afraid). sooner or later, he will break my heart if he goes back to her and the kids. but then again, i really love him and would do everything in the world to be with him..
is this pointless? should i end the friendship and move on, or keep hoping? has anyone been in a similar situation?
2006-12-21 01:27:33 · 11 answers · asked by goldenheartcity 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Well, just because a man was once married, doesn't mean he's damaged goods. I do believe the distance between you guys is a good thing, because it gives him time to get over his wife. If he doesn't get over his wife, and constantly mentions her and get's animated, he's not ready for a new relationship. He will use you as a way to vent, or constantly compare the two of you. You don't want that. I'd give it another year, and if it's meant to be, and he's accepted the break up, then I'd give it a shot. The rebound relationship is something real, but if you give him time to heal, he will be read. Also, sometimes people will use a new person as their way to prove to themselves that they can be good partners. It doesn't even mean that they love the person, it just means that they are experimenting to see if they were the person at fault for the demise of the relationship. The person, who is being treated fabulously, may not be aware of this experiment. But, once the person gets bored at pretending to be "perfect" you get ignored. It's normal b/c it's a part of getting over a break up.
2006-12-21 01:39:40 · answer #1 · answered by Sasha 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he has told you he wants to fix things with his wife, that should send out a very strong message. You both had a great summer together, but practically speaking, you are too far apart to really get this thing off the ground. This man has a lot of baggage - wife he still cares for, and a family.
I know it's tough when you really fall for someone like that, but this doesn't sound hopeful, and if there is any chance that he could patch things up with his wife and go back home, I think you would be best advised to let him go. You don't really want to stand in the way of that, do you? Think of his kids.
I now have that song going round my head..."Summer lovin', had me a blast.."
2006-12-21 09:48:50 · answer #2 · answered by helly 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Women who become involved with recently divorced men take a real chance of getting hurt. Once these guys get over the healing process (the wanting to get back with the wife and kids thing), they want to get rid of everything that reminds them of the past, including past relationships. You would therefore be wise to get on with your life. At best, long distance romances are difficult. In your case, it's just not worth the risk.
2006-12-21 09:58:38 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell you this, even if no one wants to accept it. He is divorced for a reason. His ex may have been the biggest part of the problem, but he was some part of it anyway. In a divorce, some of the problem leaves with you.
Next, and this is the part no one wants to accept anymore. If a person is divorced for any reason other then their mate cheated upon them, they are not to have another relationship, lest they commit adultery as does the person they are with. In effect, if their mate didnt cheat and they divorced, (even if one party didnt want the divorce), you and they would be commiting adultery by having sex. That includes if you and they married, it would still be adultery everytime you had sex with them.
2006-12-21 09:40:55 · answer #4 · answered by Mr. JW 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No. Keep the friendship. Just keep your options open. He has family and you don't want to be left out in the cold at the end of the day.
2006-12-21 09:33:28 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry, hunny, hate to tell you this - you're his rebound. You're also a little more than that, you're his rock and shoulder to cry on while he's trying to get his wife back. He may not intentionally be trying to hurt you, but he IS using you for companionship until he gets his family back.
Move on, for your own sake :-)
Good Luck
2006-12-21 09:36:51 · answer #6 · answered by lookinforanswers 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Move on, he's not over his ex yet and plans on getting back together with her. Save yourself the heartache from this guy.
2006-12-21 09:34:05 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Get on with his ex, then see about moving in all together... :D
Realistically, if he is wanting to go back to his family, he doesn't love you enough... Dump him and just be friends...
2006-12-21 09:31:20 · answer #8 · answered by Forlorn Hope 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This relationship is not practical.
You are thousands of miles apart and he is emotionally involved with someone else.
Move on
2006-12-21 10:08:24 · answer #9 · answered by Blunt 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When you are a half way around the world its over. To think otherwise is self deception.
2006-12-21 09:31:43 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋