i'm having trouble with my fiance´! wen he first moved in w/ me he cleaned up all the time, now all he does is clean plates as he needs them! iv been trying to leave the cleaning as its definetly not my turn and i work more hours than he does, but the place is a pigsty and he doesnt even seem 2 care! its driving me mad! i cant shout at him about it as he just turns it round on me. Any ideas to change this situation without too much conflict would be very welcome! thanx!
2006-12-21 01:25:22 · 21 answers · asked by Friday 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
HAve a cleaning roster.
2006-12-21 01:28:07 · answer #1 · answered by The Guru 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Start doing the cleaning once you know you guys just had a loved up talk or you get on very well now.
Then ask if he doesnt mind helping you with the dishes. While he's stuck in, if he helpes, excuse yourself and maybe go to the loo, and then say out loud, "gosh this bathroom needs a clean", and then you suggest he finishes the dishes and you'll scrup the loo. He can swop, if you feel like asking, but i now men, they dont want to do loo duties!
The thing is, they get comfy!!! And then getting them to do anything is a pain. But getting him to help you, will mean you'll have to do the not so nice cleaning jobs. Don't go and springclean the hole house the first night you do it, just do two things he does one and you the other, and then when its done, say how happy a clean house makes you, and that he's super great for helping you. They're like children, they need some praise!
The other way of doing it, is to start cleaning like a mad woman,get in his way, ask him to move all the time cause your busy, and then hopefully he'll see your serious about being tidy. He might say, "i'll give you a hand in a bit", but then just say no you cant stand it anymore and you want it done NOW!
You'll have to tell him at some point that it bothers you. Good comunication is needed to make a future marriage work! Good luck, you can do it!
2006-12-21 09:55:50 · answer #2 · answered by Squeeza 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i have the same problem with my fiance, the dishes are my biggest pet peave.
he tells me to not be like his mom but i just cant help it but squak at him over it.
id leave the dishes for days and they still dont get done unless I DO IT.
now what i would do is this
tell him ''ok we both work and we both have chores. this is OUR place and we need to keep it clean, on weekends you do the dishes and thats only two days out of five you do them.ill vaccum and you get the laundry in there piles and we will both do the laundry, like take turns, if you dont do it then i will cause i want it done, then you can sweep the kitchen floor and mop, it wont take long at all.''
and if that dont work your last resort is to place a chart on the fridge of what chores need to be done between the both of you and if he complains then im sorry sweety then you got to do it cause you live there to and you cant let it get disgusting, at least it will be done right the first time lol.
dont yell at him just talk and make a goal maybe the dishes wont get done but ask him ''what would you prefer to do around the house'' and maybe just maybe youll come to some agreement.
it worked for me
2006-12-21 12:08:38 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
ok here's what you do. you dress up in your foxyest gear, and offer him a sexual favour. when his eyes get all lit up as they will tell him he has to clean first! lol seriously tho, do not shout, as men just get defensive and nothing gets resolved. rehearse what you want to say to him and the main points you want to get across. then talk in a calm manner and tell him his behaviour is making you feel taken advantage of or whatever its making you feel. remind him that a relationship is a partnership, and ask him to draw up a cleaning schedule. if he resists then you either put up with it and clean whilst working and become his maid or you kick him out. good luck
2006-12-21 15:58:28 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Draw up a rota. Explain that you are not his cleaning lady and that if he wants a relationship with you, then he needs to pull his weight. If this doesn't work, trying staying with a friend for a few days.
2006-12-22 17:34:34 · answer #5 · answered by chelsea19622000 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well u should talk to him and if there is a bit of an conflict well
no war was won without a little bit of fight , this doesnt mean that u will split up but u should make ur point clear .
good luck
2006-12-21 10:15:43 · answer #6 · answered by athina68 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
get him to do it with you, then turn it in to a bit of fun. Flick water at him, stick some bubbles on his head and drench him water. Turn it in to one big game and he might come round to your way of thinking.
I know I`m not a girl but my gf is the same as this and this is the only thing that has worked for me so far.
2006-12-21 10:00:34 · answer #7 · answered by dnlrawson 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
some guys are like that you can before going out or something say to him that him tht 'im gonna be late today can u just quickly clean up plz' when you come back you will see the results and then you can go on from there
2006-12-21 09:42:33 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe i missed something here....your arguing about who does the plates...what happens when you're married?...will it be about who puts out the trash?....these things are so trivial, and not worth worrying about, you both need to sit down and come to a compromise, and stick to it, because it all seems very petty.
2006-12-21 09:34:45 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him that since you have no time and he doesn't like to clean up, you'll be hiring someone to clean up the house for you, and that he must pay for her services.
2006-12-21 09:54:15 · answer #10 · answered by ggm 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋