What am I?

Question

THE RAW CLAY

- Thoughts racing

My head fills with all sorts of thoughts; coming in and
out. Arguing between myself what to do. This happens everytime
when I am in a situation where I feel anxious and start obsessing.

- Complete Apathy

I have no regard for how others feel. If I say sorry, I say
it so I won't get hurt. When I say, "the sunset is beautiful"
or "I love you" I never mean it. The sunset is no beautiful
than a piece of cheese; nor do I love that person more than
I love a slice of camembert persay.

- Socialising draining

When I have to be in situation where I need to socialise with
others, talking to them drains the energy from me. The only time
I'm not tense is when I'm by myself or with some-one who isn't
draining (like Cameron).

- Human Contact Problem

I cannot stand human contact, whether it be some-one picking their
nose or even shaking my hand; I hate it. I feel stressed and anxious
when I am in those situations and will

have obsessive thoughts. Most
of my obsessive + compulsive behaviour is related to this and keeping
things in an order how they should be.

- Relationship Problem

I don't believe in engaging in a relationship of any sort; I am told
this is quite unusual for some-one of my age.

- Obsessive thoughts


I will commonly obsess over how something should be or any given
mistake. Like a napkin isn't exactly where it should be; or somebody
says something but they didn't say it in the right way. Any mistake,
like trying say something nice, but it being taken as an insult will
also be a problem. In any such situations I will spend weeks
obsessing over them.

- Compulsive actions

A rather recent indeavour that has only popped up in the last six
years (since I was seven or so). I will do some compulsive act to
get rid of the obsession. This compulsive activity is only carried
out to cancel out any obsessions to do with human contact or things
not "feeling

right".

- Irrational thinking

I will genuinely believe statements I know are obviously not true.
For example: I am god. It is obvious that I cannot be god, but thats
why I must be! You see? Or, I am feeling tired, maybe if I stay up
it will get better. Or, finally, the worse of a state I'm in, the
better a state I'm in.

- Heightened anxiety

Anxiety is something I experience almost 24/7, when I walk down the
street, to when I'm sitting in class or talking to some-one. Whenever
I think, I feel anxious. I could be by myself, but just by thinking I
am thinking nervous thoughts that may have no relation to my current
state. For example, I may be peacefully sitting in my bean-bag having
a stick of gum when suddenly I am attacked by anxiety after thinking.
I am thinking even when I'm thinking (like answering a question or
reading a book). Such situations can be anytime and anyplace, simply
because I'm thinking, why so random? Read on.

- Random Though

s

The thoughts in the gum situation might go something like this: This
gum is delicious; I wonder how Kurt Brown is going; WHO THE HELL IS
KURT BROWN!!!; I guess I mixed up Kurt Cobain and James Brown; What?;
F*ck you!; I dunno the libra sits on a top; where am I?; what's the
time; the gum is tasty; the bean-bag is green; I wonder whats
happening in the kitchen. As a result, I get very distressed for
seemingly no reason.

- Need for excitement

I can't stand being bored or being found boring. I need some
excitement; even trivial things will do. For example, climbing a
tree, nailing a hamster, experimenting with people's minds or
basketball. Sometimes I just do it because I'm interested; like,
becoming a vegetarian or like any of those other examples. However,
it's alot more fun if there's a risk involved: sorta like climbing
a tall tree or something fun. This is also why I like characters from
books or films that represent that kind of excitement; lik

e,
the MASK or PETER PAN.

- Talking out loud

I just thought I'd list it, since people find it unusual; I just find
it as a way to organize my thoughts.

- Unintentional lapses in memory

Sometimes I will forget where I've been for a short or even an
extended period of time. And, although this connects very loosely, I
have a hard time trying to learn things; just a few months or weeks
after having spent a large amount of classes studying something, I
can't even remember it! This seems common, but recently it's been
getting worse and worse. Back to the lapes; they usually happen after
I have had a bad experience that I might of wanted to forget.

- Ability to temporarily block memories

I can, at a moments notice, forget something to just about any amount
of given time; just so long as I don't get a memory jog. In order to
regain my forgottent knowledge, I keep a very small reminder of it at
the back of my mind.

- Ability to temporarily completel

ly zone out

Zone out isn't the right way to explain it, but I can block out my
environment when I want to. Whether it be a crowded shouting place
or a quiet farm I can lose track of time and space and can simply
not be there at all. I follow my crazy trains of thought in and out
of the depths of my mind. I can also concentrate on a particular
set of circumstances without noticing anything around me. This comes
in handy when acting in front of a large audience or having to do
something embarassing in front of a lot of people.

- Pathological lying

I believe my lies, I can even trick myself into believing falsehoods.
I will often lie just for the fun of it. Lying is very much like
storytelling; which is why I am continuosly labelled as a "BS Artist"
for my pointless lying. Sometimes I don't even know if I'm lying, and
then someone will remind me or I will suddenly reflect and realize
that what I said wasn't true. Lying, to me, is a relfex.

- Low self-

self-esteem

I have a very low self-esteem, I cannot look at myself in the mirror
(although I do it all day) without cringing. I see so many flaws, yet
I also see alot of potential. If I just changed a few things about
my appearance and learnt a bit skills I would consider myself perfect.

- Limited concentration

I can't seem to concentrate. My mind is all over the place, it just
can't stop; although I try to keep it stable, it will often derail
and I will be lost.

- Voices Arguing

My head is a battlefield. Like I mentioned in "Random Thoughts", the
dialogue reveals alternating voices with different opinions. I am
arguing between myself all the time. The voices have opinions of
their own and run their own tracks; except I'm sure I have conscious
control over them. It's not like alternating personalities, just me
having a heated debate betwen myself.

P.S:Like anyone else I get lonely, it gets rather boring talking
to myself. I genuinely enjoy th

the company of individuals that
I find interesting.

Answer 1

You actually sound pretty normal for your age-your a teenager.
Start with a free personality test.
This will also give you tools to get your personality temperament under your control.
( To end your confusion )

You are an Introvert (need to be alone at times) *Normal
You use Intuition to get information. *Normal
You use Thinking (or) feeling to make judgments *Normal
You use Judging to get your place a society *Normal

During your teenage years, your frontal Lobe's are still under construction. The frontal lobes control your reasoning and consequences. You'll do, and think about things, you really don't understand until around the age of 25. And because you use Intuition to get information, you end up confused for the time being. Things will even out.

Answer 2

Depression? Bah... no. I believe you might have a heightened amount of sub-conscious control. This would explain the random, racing thoughts. This added work of the conscious mind, however, creates a certain amount of mental stress, explaining the anxiety. The anxiety could be the cause of the aversion of other people and obsessive behavior. This control manifests itself in your memory blocking and "zone out", along with the ability to temporarily modify your thoughts in your lying. The mental dialoge is perfectly fine, it's a way of making all your thoughts on the subject manifest.

Answer 3

This sounds like depression, although from all the things you're describing it could be something else, maybe a mental disorder of some sort. I strongly advise you to get help as soon as possible.

Answer 4

I guy who needs to live on a remote island where there is absolutely no one there. Take what you need to survive or don't take anything and see how long you are going to live. I suggest watch the movie Castaway before you go.(Just kidding)

SEEK HELP
(Church of Scientology) No other solution



Good Luck

Answer 5

So you're about 13-14 years old. Have you talked to your parents about taking you to a psychiatrist to sort these feelings out? It might be a good idea.

Answer 6

I don't know what you are...

But you have some major problems...and it is going to get worse.

The fact that you were able to write all this and analyse yourself in such a way...tells me that you are wise beyond your years and probably highly intelligent.

Maybe you are a genius.
Get a IQ test.
Then go to a psychiatrist.

What ever you do...you should print what you have written here and show it to your parents.

Answer 7

Depressed. Get medical advice.

Answer 8

I'm thinking you are bipolor 2. Possiblity w/ anzity issues.

Answer 9

Try to get meaning into your life or ask for professional help.

Answer 10

You sound clinically depressed, dear. Seek help now!