She is convinced I make up things to push her button and hurt her, I dont make things up to deliberately hurt her, sometimes things i say hurt her and I honestly was not trying to hurt her. She insists i admit that i am a liar, I have lied and made up a something to hurt her when we are fighting (which is stupid and childish) but never at any other time just to be mean. But with her It is either yes or no , black and white never the intangables.;
2006-12-21 00:28:03 · 16 answers · asked by topher 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Your wife is emotionally weak and unstable. she cannot see beyond black and white.try to avoid saying anything that concerns her. do not fight or have discussions or try to prove anything to her. it will make matters worse. keep mum is the mantra.
2006-12-21 00:40:50 · answer #1 · answered by ANU U 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honesty is the best policy. Be true to yourself and dont take her request literally. She wants you to listen and not argue. Next time you fight remember to keep silent. Dont fan the fire. Your maturity in such situations will help you both. Life is not black and white but a rainbow like colorful canvas. Sometimes it is blues and sometimes bright flaming orange. Let her imagine what she wants but you be true to yourself. You cannot placate her by admitting something which you never did.
2006-12-21 01:22:33 · answer #2 · answered by StraightDrive 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You just said "she is convinced I make up things to push her button and hurt her. I don't make things up to deliberately hurt her."
Then you said "I have lied and made up something to hurt her when we are fighting."
Unless I am misreading your question, you have just completely contradicted yourself. You just admitted you DO lie to push her buttons, so she is right, isn't she?
2006-12-21 01:30:12 · answer #3 · answered by helly 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's a good practice to tell your wife the truth, even if it hurts her. The world will never be a better place, based upon your lies; so start telling the truth and let the perverbial chips fall where they may.
2006-12-21 00:56:52 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Even when mad, why would you want to say things to hurt someone you love? Are you that insecure? Anyway dude, no one likes a lier it's stupid to think your lies will not catch up with you and it impresses no one. Normal people are direct, and don't have to make things up to be liked or feel superior.
2006-12-21 00:50:17 · answer #5 · answered by Barry W 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1) Ignore what the women here have given as advice. By most accounts they're putting the blame on you without knowing or understanding what you're going through.
2) My ex wife was exactly like that. Very insecure, very judgmental, very mentally abusive while claiming I caused mental abuse towards her.
3) Like yourself, I was very truthful to my ex wife. Very truthful to other women I've dated and as a result, I'm always getting into arguments about crap that never amounts to anything, just because they try cramming stuff down my throat instead of rationalizing on facts, truth or my over abundant ability to compromise... While never receiving any compromised in return.
...Sound familiar? BINGO!
Here's the deal: Women want, want, want to be accepted, loved and totally secure. Without saying anything to you, you have to guess exactly what they mean, what they want, and no one of your words are heard until they get what they want.
Most of their lists never end. They pile up, promise after promise, broken promise after broken promise... Even after you exceed the goal they were seeking and in the end you still don't get the payoff or valid worth you seriously deserve.
I hate to say it, but prior to divorcing my wife, my life was miserable. She refused to go to counseling with me so after we divorced I went myself. I learned she was manipulative, mentally abusive and diabolical... Literally compared to Elizabeth Taylor.
Did the counselor say that to ease my burden? Well, after we divorced my ex contacted a counselor which happened to be the same one I was seeing. The counselor asked me if I had any issues of counseling my ex. I said I was eager since I felt it was the only way the counselor could make a solid assessment on me.
My ex went to the counselor for six sessions and came out telling me the counselor was seriously causing her grief and she stopped going.
On my behalf the counselor stopped badgering me after the first session he had with my ex (he more or less was challenging me each time I saw him and trying to determine if I was being truthful with him or not about a lot of issues we discussed), and started praising my ability on going so far out of the way to be truthful and honest with him.
About the only thing I can say is she's an attention whore and emotionally she's never going to see it unless she gets some counseling.
2006-12-21 01:46:24 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, placate her. Most people cant handle the truth. They dislike you if you say something they dont want to hear even if it is the truth. Just tell her whatever she wants to hear to keep the peace and so she'll shut up.
2006-12-21 00:43:12 · answer #7 · answered by mine2006aug 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sometimes when theres an argument we have to be the first ones to apologize, doesn't mean your weak, in her reality you did this to her, maybe not in yours. yes admit u hurt her, accept blame even if u feel u don't deserve it, as when u admit it, she will change too. she feels u do thing that hurt her, just admit u did, and bring peace, as in her reality u did it, she felt hurt.
2006-12-21 00:37:58 · answer #8 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Practice thinking more nicely of her. You should admit that you did the stupid and childish thing, and apologize for it. Buy some nice lingerie and wear it for her.
2006-12-21 00:32:19 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
well, I had an ex who would do the same thing. Just tell her that you lied to her when you were fighting, and anytime off the battlefield it was all true... not a lie..
2006-12-21 00:41:53 · answer #10 · answered by bronzegod 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋