Are men judged based on what their wife looks like?
My husband always tells me I am beautiful and gorgeous BUT I know I gained weight after marriage - about 40. I just joined a martial arts program and he says I don't need it. However, he is always making comments about fat chicks? What is really going on here? He has gained about the same. He didn't sign up to be married to a heavy person...lifestyle wise and beautywise so I am off to change it. Primarily...because I live a better lifestyle when I am thinner..things are easier because I am healthier and I feel awesome. Good luck to me!
2006-12-21 00:18:27 · 32 answers · asked by AnswerGirl 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Honestly do you think men like it when their women gain weight? Anymore then women like it when their men gain weight or lose hair? Of course we hate it. MOST won't tell you that just to avoid the aggravation you'll dish out. For those who do speak honestly will be called an A.$.$. for telling the truth. He resents it and talking about OTHER fat chicks is his jedi mind trick of saying what he'd really wanna tell you. Because.. fact is he thinks you ARE a fat chick or a getting fat chick. you are the expection because you realize it and want to change.
I think it's great you are actually DOING something about it. And most importantly doing it for YOURSELF! Most women will just complain, and try to fish for a compliment while stuffing another scoop of ice cream in their mouth. Then the guy gets to suffer the side effects and bi-products of such weight gain in the form of her lousy attitude, depression and then we get to take the blame. oh it's my fault you ate that banana split because she is frustrated. but when you ask for my help to remind you to stop eating it when you begin to put it in your mouth then i'm the a**hole. OR when I'm not in the mood because your cottage cheese behind is dragging across the floor because you refuse to change your diet and you are completely uninspiring i'm being shallow?!?! to those women who would single me out as shallow i give them.. "THE FINGER!!!" muaaah ha hah haaaa. Yes I'm the alpha male who dares get in your face and unapologetically tell you "it's not the dress that makes you look fat it's the fat that's making you look fat!"
Of course, there's more to you then just fat. We'll focus on the other aspects of what makes you a nice person. PRAYING for the best. If you get fat we'll try to take the high road and say there's more then the packaging. And to some extent that's true. That said however it doesn't mean you rest on your laurels and blimp out. That is NOT a free pass.
I do my best to keep in shape. I'd expect no less from her. Btw, if he is gettin chunky I'd tell him to get his **** in gear and join a gym as well before you find a hard bodied stud to replace him! :-)
2006-12-21 01:32:18 · answer #1 · answered by Cybrocupid 2 · 2⤊ 2⤋
Some would, but most will not - if he really loves you (and it sounds as if he does) he won't. My husband and I have been married for 24 years. I almost died several times about 6 years into our marriage at the age of 29 from a ruptured appendix and subsequent complications and surgeries. Not only am I not the same weight (many procedures and medications taken for awhile back then), but my abdomen is disfigured (it is not pretty at all). He has always been kind about it and still seems attracted to me - he says it's decorative and unique. Keep working out and stay in shape for your health and well being - but it sounds like you have a good man and a good marriage. Attitude and confidence do make a difference as well as a positive outlook - you seem to have that too.
2016-05-23 04:38:32 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, many think that it is a sign that she now thinks she has him and that he just has to take her as she is. Some see it as her showing him, that she doesnt care about what he likes or needs or wants. Some find it a sign that she doesnt care if he is attracted to her anymore.. Some see it as a lack of respect for them and the relationship. View it this way, if you will. How would you feel or what would you think if you mate stopped bathing? If they would not work? If they didnt care how they looked for you? Spent money that they did not discuss or consult you on. All of the above are the same things in a way. They can cause your mate to think you dont give a spit about them or the relationship anymore.
What you do and how you are is reflection upon you and your mate as well. What each does or fails to do has an impact upon the other and the marriage relationship.
As far as the comments. Well, if he is anything like me, the comments are as much about the attitudes we find in some groups as anything. The weight might be it, but he may also simply dislike what I call the fat chick mentality. That being they often try to sell being fat rather then change it. They often scream to be seen as something other then fat or they scream about what is on the inside or how it isnt fair or whatever. Maybe that is what gets him. He may think you look fine, he just hates the fat girl mentality in others.
People have a right to be fat or almost anthing else. They dont have a right to tell me how I have to view it, that I have to like it, accept it or find it attractive. People have a right to be them. Other people have a right to like, accept, condone them or to not do so, based upon what they like or want.
2006-12-21 01:59:53 · answer #3 · answered by Mr. JW 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
For some reason both men and women tend to gain weight after marriage. Perhaps being married takes away for activity and exercise time or perhaps the home cooked meals provide for more eating opportunities than the single and eating on the run life style does.
No matter what the reason more people gain weight after marriage than don't. In a good marriage both parties should try to negate the weight gain if for no other reason than to stay as attractive for your spouse as possible, but it should also be to a point where you are together for love first and then physical attraction. If the physical attractivness diminishes and that alone can negate love then was ever love to begin with?
2006-12-21 00:41:28 · answer #4 · answered by Cyber Stalker 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Men are NOT judged SOLELY by how their wife looks although she is an important contributor to his growth. His skills and personality make him desirable. Your husband loves you and tells you that you are beautiful in HIS eyes. He doesn't want to hurt you. You should be beautiful in YOUR eyes too.
There are many reasons why marriage can lead to weight gain, but the most common include:
* We are no longer trying to attract a partner
* Pregnancy occurs
* We cook for gratification
* We eat as much as our partner
* We put our family's eating preferences above our own
* We become the family's garbage disposal
* Our partner sabotages us
* We are in an unhappy marriage and turn to food for solace
* We have unresolved issues
The feelings of men depend on the cause of gaining weight. If a women gains weight because of pregnancy then her man will not think otherwise. As usual both men and women like their spouses to be within the healthy BMI (Body mass Index) range. Too skinny or too plumpy people are not preferred in general.
Best of luck in your martial arts program. Keep your mental health also as good as your physical health. They both should be balanced.
2006-12-21 01:48:33 · answer #5 · answered by StraightDrive 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
My boyfriend and I have both gained some weight, too, and I think it's normal for that to happen when you move in together and start getting comfortable. He's gained a considerable amount more than I have, and although he's not worried about his weight, I'm very much worried about mine. I think it's just a woman thing. We worry about our bodies a lot more than men do. If your husband likes the way you look, maybe you really shouldn't be worried about it.
2006-12-21 03:17:06 · answer #6 · answered by Heather C 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well, kudos to you for attempting to do something about your weight. If your husband make remarks about "fat chicks", he doesn't see you as fat. Sure my wife gained some weight, but I'm fine with that. Just don't let your weight get out of hand, forget the husband, think health.
Good luck with the Martial Arts-
2006-12-21 00:46:42 · answer #7 · answered by Floss 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
beauty is in the eye of the beholder. It sounds like your husband really loves you and he does not see you as a fat chick. You should be happy that your man cares for you the way he does.
You going to the martial arts is also good. It shows him that you care about the way you Look, maybe that will give him some incentive to shed a little of what he has gained.
Good luck and nice to hear from people who have a good relationship.
2006-12-21 00:23:34 · answer #8 · answered by Alexandra 4 · 2⤊ 2⤋
Well he probably would feel like a hypocrite to say anything to you if he's gained the same.
I wish you luck. I wish my wife would take the same attitude. We have been together almost 12 years and she has gained about 70 pounds while I work out a lot and am muscular. I don't moan and complain about it but I can't say I love it. Oh well.
2006-12-21 00:42:58 · answer #9 · answered by fucose_man 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Way to go for making the decision to live a healthier lifestyle! This is something I need to do too. Good luck!!
2006-12-21 00:41:53 · answer #10 · answered by spelling nazi 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋