My son is a drug addict. Im am falling apart..how Can I help him?

Question

My husband and I are 49...Our son is 25 and still living at home. He keeps to himself mostly, but doesnt work. He has been charged with various drug offenses numerous time and has always gotten out of them with no consequences. He is a daily cocaine, marijuana, alcohol user. I watch in fear most days that he life will be short. I try and detach, but you cant just cut off feelings. This is a HUGE strain on my marriage, my health (which is still good) How can I get through to him. I cant kick him out in the streets. How do I get peace of mind for myself. How can I convince my husband to talk to him and have a relationship with him. He has long given up on him and wishes it would all just go away. He wants him to leave the house, but I hold on against hope that something will change him.........HELP please

Answer 1

This is tough. You can't change your husband--you can't "convince" him. You can't change your son--you cannot "get through" to him. You can only change yourself--you don't have to "cut off your feelings" but you do have to try and detach. You've got to be responsible for yourself and allow/force your son to be responsible for himself. You've got to get him out of the house. I know it's hard, but you've got to. See if you can get him into rehab or a halfway house. If all else fails, turn him in to the cops. Stop protecting him from the consequences of his actions. Start growing stronger yourself. Get into Al-Anon or some other support group for the family members of substance abusers right away. Read books like Codependent No More by Melody Beattie. Good luck and God bless.

Answer 2

Kathy, your doing what a Mom would do and that is to love her son. But, now it is only to get worse if you don't do some intervention with him soon. He is already showing you that he is going to do what he wants no matter how you feel or what your going through. He is a drug addict and alcoholic. Number one, if the cops were to come into your home and arrest him, you run the risk of loosing your home. So though you may not like it, your going to have to put your foot down. Find out what places are available that he can go to rehab. And I will tell you that this is not going to be an easy road. Once is never enough, he will come back screaming and hating you but if you don't do this for him now, he will end up killing himself anyway on the stuff he is using. You and your husband can't let this continue if you expect to live some sort of life. I can understand that you don't want to kick him out on the street. But consult with your family doctor, have him give you a consult to a Psychiatrist. This way your insurance, if you have any will pay for it. Its going to be a long road but, do something now, today, this minute, don't wait before its to late.

Answer 3

Having gone through addiction myself and been in the exact same spot, hopefully I can help. When I was 25, I was a wreck. The best way to help him is both you and your husband have to show him alot of love. Both of you have to sit down and talk heart to heart with him. Get him to admit he has a problem. Once he admits he has a problem, you're half way there. The next step is rehab. Don't worry about cost as most are very affordable and have financial assistance available. Be prepared. He may be gone for a while. Also understand the success rate is very low for people who enter for the first time. You also might want to look into counseling for yourself and husband in learning how to cope with this. There is a group called Alanon, which is a nationwide organization, designed for families who have an addict. Again, this is free. You can find them in the yellow pages for the closest meetings. You can learn alot from other people in this group.
I hope this helps a little. Just don't turn your back on him. Your husband really needs to step up and try to re-establish a good relationship with your son. This will come with time. All of this will take time. Addiction is like a cancer. It's a disease and should be treated like one. Good luck and God bless.

Answer 4

You need to get your son into a long term detox program. You should cosult a criminal lawyer on the legalities and possibilities of a forced detox. I doubt your son falls into the category of the Baker Act and I don't even know if the Baker Act is strong enough to help, but you need to look at all options. You can't leave it up to your son because he will not survive this lifestyle much longer.

I don't know your financial situation, but hiring a full time "bodyguard" for your son can make his life pretty hard when it comes to getting and using drugs. It's an expensive endeavor, but again you have to explore all options.

If you kick your son out on the streets he will get worse, so I don't look at that as an option unless you and your husband ever become threatened by his presence.

Answer 5

You allowing him to do drugs in your home makes you as guilty. Where does he get the money to buy the stuff if he does not work? Please tell me you don't give him money too! Go talk to your local police and find out if they will arrest him if you know there is drugs in your home. You can't allow him to live there and waste his life. You must kick him out and make him grow up, he is 25 years old. At some point you have got to say enough. Make him leave and tell him you will not watch him kill him self any longer. The only way you will see him again is if he gets help, a job and and stops abusing you and him self.

Answer 6

Your husband is right. Time to show your son the door then change the locks. Yes you CAN kick him out into the streets, that is probably the ONLY way you will ever have peace of mind. Your son doesn't WANT to change and he is the only one who can effect any changes within himself. The time for talk has long past, your son is an adult and is responsible for his own actions, all you are doing is enabling him to live the lifestyle he has chosen. He needs to grow up and he won't if you continue to cottle him. I'm with your husband, time for your son to leave.

Answer 7

Sorry to say, but you are enabling your sons behavior by allowing him to stay with you. If he doesn't work , where does he get the money for drugs and alcohol. Your son will not change until he decides to change and no amount of encouragement from you will help. Time for mama to kick the kid out of the house and force him to try and grow up. Talk to a professional about these problems, start with your local social services agency. Good luck.

Answer 8

Your husband is clueless just like you. You wish that the problem is solved but do not know what to do? He wishes that the person with the problem disappears so that he can turn a blind eye. Your motherly affection has not given up and what you need is Professional help. Go and talk to a professional who will be more responsive than your husband.

You may read from the web if it helps. Best of luck. Save your son.

www.addictionrecoveryguide.org
www.addict-help.com/
www.Unhooked.com
www.eDrugAddiction.info
growthcentral.com
www.recoverymonth.gov/
www.soberrecovery.com/
www.alcoholanddrugabuse.com/

Answer 9

TOUGH LOVE. We as parent sometimes have to do things we don't want to do,Your son knows for a fact that mom will let me stay cause she is my mother.Where is your son getting the money to get all the drugs?I hope is not you mom.It's time for your 25 yr old son to grow up and leave the house,he won't leave well you have to tell him he have to leave.I know it will hurt you deeply.He is acting selfish it's not fair to you and your husband and off course it's not fair to his own life.There are shelters out there and will help him with his drug addiction and will help him find a job and a place of his own.It will take a long time until you get your son back but you also need to have your own life with your husband.Your son won't change until you put your foot down and TELL him he has to leave.GOD BLESS you and your family.

Answer 10

TOUGH LOVE. You are a co-dependent to his addiction. You know what he is doing and you allow him do live in your home. Give him the option of rehab or get out of the house. Do you ever watch the show 'Intervention". He is NEVER going to change if he has a secure enviroment. Does he steal from you and your hubby? If not now...he will! I lived and loved a drug addict and I just couldnt take it anymore and put his asss out. Your NOT helping him by providing him with all he needs to GET high! YOUR supporting his habit and YOU will pay a huge price for this. I suggest you get counseling as well.