2006-12-21 00:09:03 · 29 answers · asked by Anonymous in Social Science ➔ Gender Studies
Sometimes it's not low self esteem as much as "fishing for compliments". A woman knows when she's attractive.
2006-12-21 00:15:45 · answer #1 · answered by Debra D 7 · 0⤊ 3⤋
I had that problem w. an ex of mine. I also have some experience from the other side of low self esteem.
You can't convince a person of this with any certainty. The best you can do is let her know clearly and without a doubt that you find her attractive. Don't lie or exaggerate. Telling her she looks like Halle Berry or Isabella Rosellini when she doesn't will only backfire.
You might also get her some self help books on the matter, but only if she admits that she has a problem. Telling someone they have a problem they haven't acknowledged will only harden her against you.
Good luck. Be patient and don't expect miracles.
2006-12-21 13:23:02 · answer #2 · answered by maxdwolf 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
While I agree with the person above who said that a gal must convince herself first that she is attractive, there is also a little something that you can do to help.
I honestly think it's all about consistency, and not TELLING her that you think she's attractive, but SHOWING it to her.
Find some way to show her how you see her. And as long as you treat her well, always with respect and kindness (and if you like her a lot, then show her your affection) then she'll probably come around eventually, God willing.
But here's a tiny tip that's encouraging, I think, as long as you don't overuse it:
Telling a woman she's beautiful is good, particularly when you REALLY mean it (like when she gets dolled up), but saying it all the time can be redundant and also pretty vague. But you can show her your appreciation for certain body parts you like about her during your unguarded moments alone with her.
Maybe she has beautiful hair, or great feet or hands or eyes.Then focus on these certain features by taking especial care to notice them or shower affection on them. This is better than telling her she's beautiful physically as a whole, because that's already what she doesn't believe. A little at a time goes a long way, I think. And never do this in a lewd way unless you're already sexually active with her. I have a friend who lavishes affection on his girlfriend's feet and armpits, without actually telling her with words. It's fascinating :).
2006-12-24 06:09:08 · answer #3 · answered by aircompass 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It depends on a lot of things, on the one hand if you like this girl, then ask her out and tell her there that she is beautiful and that it's not physical appearance that makes people look different of the inside. You can tell her that you are not looking for the most attractive girls and that you fancy her spirit, or her good nature.
If that doesn't make her at least a little more confident of herself then you just have to keep telling her. Don't forget people with low self esteem are like that because people gave up on them too soon, if you do it to her too than she will suffer more then before
2006-12-21 19:05:00 · answer #4 · answered by Faust 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Help her see herself through your eyes. Don't hide or play down your feelings for her.
Be specific and honest in your compliments.
Leave her a note or e-mail that she'll find when you're not around. Just a line or two, something she can think about all day.
The next time you arrange to meet her somewhere, approach her like you've never met her and give her a 'line' like 'You are so beautiful you can't be single.' Hopefully she'll giggle and say something like 'No, I'm not', then you can say something like ' He's a lucky man.' Corny, yes, but also cute enough to get through some of her defenses.
Low self-esteem is always a defense, an attempt to protect oneself from anticipated hurt. Your job is to wear away at it. Slowly usually works best.
2006-12-21 14:14:52 · answer #5 · answered by The angels have the phone box. 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You will never "convince" someone with low self-esteem that they are attractive. It has to come from within. What you can do is be specific when complimenting them. This may help them understand that you're not "just being nice." After awhile maybe they'll let some of this sink and realize that they truly are beautiful.
2006-12-21 08:36:49 · answer #6 · answered by Sprite 1 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Yours is an admirable, but difficult path. Low self esteem is more powerful than most other contributors to our everyday life. And it is fuelled by a messed up society led be the media obsessed. My suggestion is that you simply say things that make her feel good about herself - and this isn't always based in the physical. When she has a great thought or idea - support it and encourage it. When she looks nice...tell her. She will shrug it off, of course. But ignore that. Just be encouraging in every way. This won't change things, but it might set her on a better path...good luck.
2006-12-21 08:26:50 · answer #7 · answered by Super Ruper 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Well i'm a girl with low-self-esteem and i have alot of people tell me all the time how beautiful and perfect i am. Honestly there is nuthin anyone can do to make me think differently, however how i think i got my bad self image was due to hearing people bad mouth me day in and day out for years. So my advice is tell her every day it may take years, but my guess is she probably has years of bad mouthing that need overcoming. If you know maybe how and why she has low-self-esteem, then do whatever is the opposite to reverse the situation. Getting impatient with her of putting her down will ruin any process you make, so remember be honest, but be nice.
Don't make things about looks though, as they don't matter, its who we are as people and how we treat others that matter remember.
2006-12-21 08:25:59 · answer #8 · answered by Lookin at the stars 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Self esteem is just that, self esteem. What you can do is just be you, don't hinder on the issue at hand, just enjoy her. Her esteem is something that was there before you and the quality of that esteem can now be changed by you. Counseling could help, but again I say stay by her side and her esteem will rise.
2006-12-29 06:07:06 · answer #9 · answered by Bethy4 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her in subtle and not so subtle ways that she is attractive. Complement her all the time.
In the long run, however, she has to get over it. You can help her find something that she is good at and she can take it up. That will boost her self esteem.
If you are in a relationship, watch out. This is a classic pattern for co-dependent relationships.
2006-12-21 08:20:10 · answer #10 · answered by SS90 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
awww thats so cute
what you should do is make her feel beautiful rather than telling her she is.
treat her with respect and dignity...she has low self esteem so if you keep telling her she will be more self conscious.
one day ask her to name every flaw she has and then ask her what does she like about herself
and then say "i like everything about you including what you think is a flaw"
that should do the trick....yeah its difficult to convince a person with low self esteem...some people may even know they aren't badlooking but feel they are in the presence of others. so try to never make her uncomfortable and let your actions speak on behalf of your words
2006-12-21 16:45:57 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋