I have been in a rocky relationship for the last 17 yrs. I have cheated on my husband over 6 times and each time I try and leave he begs me to stay and says things will be different. I need some encouragement and support at this point to finally stand up to him and tell him no, I am not staying. I dont understand why he even wants me to, because of my infidelity. Asking if anyone has been through a similar situation and can offer me any advice I would really appreciate it....Happy Holidays
2006-12-19 22:37:54 · 22 answers · asked by sillyjo67 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Not much more to say other then Leave the Guy... You putting your feelings off like this is not healthy for you as well as your Partner.. You shouldnt need people to tell you how to get courage you alone have the responsibility in telling your partner how you feel..Common Sense
2006-12-19 22:41:03 · answer #1 · answered by Mony M 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry things have been so hard on you and your husband, but it would seem that you are struggling with leaving as much as him. You must feel a tremendous amount of guilt to stay in a situation you are not happy with. You must still love him in your own way to have stayed as long as you have. He obviously is dependant on you mentally. It will not be easy on you or him when you leave but if you can keep the lines of communication open that will help. It is time to leave though. I am sure he will use every ounce of what he has to keep you there but just remember you are not just doing it for you but you are also doing it for him. The marriage is over and you having as many affairs as you have is a clear cut indicator. Tell him you can not stay with him as it is ripping your heart out to be with someone else and have him at home waiting. Be honest with him tell him how guilty you feel for what you have done but it is time to put and end to all the guilty and saddness. Tell him he will always be a part of your life but as a friend not a husband. I know without a doubt you have it in you to leave, you just have to stop feeling sorry for him and guilty. You are not helping him by staying, remember that. Just be as honest as you can but in a kind way. In time the two of you will be stronger happier people. Just keep the line of communication open and stay strong. Once he sees you are not giving in any more he will be able to accept it. Best of luck you both.
2006-12-19 23:35:35 · answer #2 · answered by victoria_bell_99 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds to me you're a bit of a martyr---you say you want to leave and then you don't. You and only you can make the decision to set the wheels in motion and make a new start and a new life for yourself.
After 17 years of marriage you can expect---a roller coaster ride of emotions.
Why leave---you can serve your spouse divorce papers living right in the marital residence. You leave---you're putting yourself in a position of abandament of your relationship. If you're working and he is too, you'll need to be the one that should set the wheels in motion by having your attorney petition the courts for dissolution. Hopefully you'll not have children to fight custody battles over. Be prepared financially to be able to support yourself. Spousal support is no guarantee that you'll be granted it in court by a judge. If you're living in a communal property state---be prepared to let go 1/2 of your 401k or pension as well as he'll have to let go of his unless of course an agreement is made in a marital settlement proposal approved by the judge. the house will more than likely have to be sold and the proceeds split in 1/2. Real estate is not moving at the moment so be prepared to wait until spring and possibly the house will sell then.
Sounds to me your cheating is a way of getting attention and also punishes YOU. You sound like a self destructing person just by the things you wrote. "WHY he even wants me because of my infidelity', is proof enough that you are self destructive.!
Seek counseling and also legal counsel.
2006-12-19 22:55:37 · answer #3 · answered by aunt_beeaa 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My ex had a lot "extra" loving in our short 3 year marriage too. I left and never looked back, look to your future and what you want out of life. And, take it one day at a time. Wake up and say " I will be strong today!!" There is no reason to stay at this point, you arent happy or you wouldnt have cheated on him. So, let him go. Happy Holidays :)
2006-12-19 22:41:48 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yeah first I would wipe that veneer away that your better then he is. From the first man you slept with onwards you have been falling falling falling.
If ANYTHING HE should be breaking up with YOU. Even though he seems needy you seem about just as needy but are willing to find it in other places proving how self centered you are. For his sake just go he doesn't need the mental abuse, he seems to have gone through enough of it already.
Even though he seems pathetic he hasn't broken the vows, you have. He is already the better person then you may ever be if you don't change.
2006-12-19 22:45:25 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell some one how you really feel will help you feel better... so don't beat around the bush and just tell him... yes he will asking you to stay and that he loves you and can't live with out you.... but really he can he just doesn't know how yet until he get in to the situation that makes him have to. So just be a powerful women and tell him.
2006-12-19 23:20:26 · answer #6 · answered by fxysxysrkly 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Every man says when there is a problem and you are ready to leave that "things will get better" He is just going to keep on saying that but will not change. Just gather your belongings leave him a note or divorce papers and the next time you should see is in divorce court.
2006-12-19 22:41:29 · answer #7 · answered by LUV-ME-OR-HATE-ME 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why leave? You seem to have him emasculated to the point he will do anything you want. Perhaps you should tell him what you want, really want, or do you even know.
Maybe you should rethink what you are doing. Its not often that a woman who has sunk to your level can find someone who will continue to love her in spite of the continued lying and infidelity.
I would have thrown your cheating @ss out long ago.
And yes, we intend Happy Holidays, Thank You.
2006-12-19 22:47:26 · answer #8 · answered by Flagger 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Wow...what are you doing? Is this how you want to live your life...wouldn't you rather be in a loving, caring, supportive relationship where no one cheats and lies.....You deserve better....you are throwing your life away...for what? Pack your bags and move on...you deserve to be happy and loved....Good luck and happy holidays to you...start your new life with the start of the new year...don't waste anymore of your life in this situation....
2006-12-19 22:41:11 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your sure that's what you want to do,then he should have no affect on your decision,and if its just that he keeps begging and you feel sorry for him,then you should leave when hes not around,leave him a note telling him that you need time and not to contact you,you'll get in touch when the time is right..Good Luck and MERRY HO HO to you and yours..
2006-12-19 22:44:12 · answer #10 · answered by troble # one? 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋