romantic love as protection from existential pain?

Question

i'm not trying to be all emo on you guys, but i've been reading irvin d. yalom lately (founder/expert on existential psychotherapy).

the idea is that because we all know that we will die, that there is no obvious meaning to life, and that we must go through it all alone, people often find romantic love to ease existential pain.

but when this happens, the love "caves in on itself."

My question: how do you tell the difference between regular love (which seems to have its share of heart-ache) and love which exists to ease existential pain?

Answer 1

The Illusion of Romantic Love comes from the fact that at least for a short while it makes us forget all our short coming and failings, but the truth is that life cannot be excelled at without overcoming them and turning them into our strength, that by the way the very reason why each one of has particular strength and weakness as that is what makes our soul purpose unique on this planet as we are built for it.

When we are under the spell of romantic love or external love for that while it makes us feel fulfilled and brimming with love but as with all drugs it also wears off soon and we are left looking for a higher high, and usually disappointed by love itself.

When we understand that in fact we had been looking for ourselves on the outside, we stop looking for someone else to complete us, or to make us feel loved enough so that we forget all shortcomings and also our own capabilities in making ourselves loved and cherish in life as we are worthy of that anyway whether we are in a romantic relationship or not.

The challenge is to stay in touch with our inherent strengths of self love while being in a romantic relationship ourselves that happens when we first learn to love and respect ourselves for who we really are and then trying to share that completeness with someone. Otherwise we would still be jumping between a string of romantic relationships feeling more and more frustrated and disillusioned by love and life itself.

Life is to teach us to love ourselves despite what is happening on the outside, that is when life start loving us back, with people who love and accept us for who we are and not people who want us to change or please them all the time by making them feel loved, which is the most frustration characteristic of ordinary romantic entanglement as it seldom allows room for growth as the fear of loosing another or loosing their love is so great that we often forget how to be ourselves, in our skin.

Answer 2

there are various factors of why human beings love... one is what you stated, while the different could in simple terms be to have some human corporation... and for a lifelong spouse. i think of in case you had generally going on love, you certainly experience that the guy you're with supplies which ability to your life, and experience that she is extremely important and you adult adult males share an unstated bond that throughout basic terms exists while 2 human beings love one yet another. i might define love which exists to ease existential soreness as some thing which you draw close directly to without inevitably having that bond and your companion not being the main obligatory on your life? haha i don't comprehend if it extremely is clever... it extremely is a tricky one, nevertheless.

Answer 3

any love of anything can ease existential pain. Loving Cuban cigars, and living for Cubans, can make you really happy.

Loving people can bring that kind of happiness. Sometimes people won't like you, though, if your entire world of happiness comes from loving that one person. They begin to wonder, what kind of a loser is this, when the only good thing in their life is me?

Answer 4

By asking yourself what would happen if that person should stop being around. Are your feelings in touch with your pain and then with the absence or is it the other way around. If it is the first case, you are starting by you, I think that is not genuine love, but the one we use to protect ourselves.
Don't you think?
By the way his book on Nietzsche is good, but the one on Schopenhauer is far better. I've read nothing else from him. Any suggestions?

Answer 5

The love that you're talking about (love to ease the pain) is very screwed up relatioship. You can only give love whan you are at peace with yourself. Once you are able to be happy by yourself you can start looking for romantic love and you can find it and be happy.

Answer 6

"Regular love"? What in the world is that?

I think you're trying to differentiate "love" and "lust." Trust me, you'll know.