2006-12-19 21:22:58 · 13 answers · asked by jas 1 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Philosophy
We fear saying no when we fear its consequences and that can be fear of displeasure, anger or even loosing the love of another. In some cases this fear can be so severe that we might even deny ourselves in some situation in order to stay pleasing, this starts another cycle of self hate, and misdirected anger and hidden resentment and hatred for the same person we are trying to please by saying yes when we really want to say no.
To not be willing to say no when we want to say so, is actually self rejection when we give others presence in our life and approval more importance than what we can give to ourselves. This simply means that we are dependent on them for our sense of self worth and value as a human being, which is entirely unfair to our Self.
This happens mostly if we are trying to overcome some form of parental rejection experienced during the childhood. As adults we are trying too hard to please everyone we meet as we believe that if we can make them love us we are worthy of love and this itself can be an exhausting as well as frustrating in self, as it we end up feeling weary of relationships as we often choose to give up so much of ourselves in order to gain external approval.
As children we false start believing the reason our parent didn’t love us or were angry at us, was due to some fault of ours or because we were not good enough to be loved by them.
So, natural in such a scenario is hard for us to say no, when we are trying so hard to be pleasing or charming to others or sometimes just be funny and appealing.
This pleasing behaviour continues till we understand that if either of our parents couldn't love us the way we wanted them to, it is for no fault of ours, and it was ultimately their choice and only a reflection of a kind of parenting they had personally received and not a reflection of who we were or are as individuals or human beings. It was not our fault.
In short, we simply have to learn to love ourselves first. That is when we would able to say when we want to say it, and we know exactly when it is.
Basically we become people pleasers when our sense of self worth depends on how many people stay pleased with us in life. Just as we confuse our popularity with our self worth, and think that just because so many people showed up for our birthday party we are equally loved to.
Usually we try to gauge our self-worth by other people’s presence and behaviour towards us and that usually is a false and temporary statement, as people being people they are always changing.
So unless we learn to love ourselves first, can we ever know that how much lovable and worthy of respect we actually are, and that our self worth really is worth we give to our presence in our life.
That is when we become empowered to never say no when we want to say yes, and vice versa.
2006-12-20 00:04:21 · answer #1 · answered by Abhishek Joshi 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is not the case with everyone. Many can and do so, without hesitation. As one who always find it difficult to say "no" I have the following reason , true or not.
1. Over a period of time, I seem to have created a sort of aura around me as a helper or a giver. By repeatedly confirming this the "seekers" get an added confidence that I can be asked. If I analyse, the same number/group of people are only seeking again and again.
2.There seems to be some sort of "ego satisfaction" in this for me. That these people have found fit to seek my help , itself, is enough to push me to accept it and not say No.
3.I have found my heart rules over the head and most of my desicions are emotion based . "NO" seems to me to be an expression of unpleasant emotion.
2006-12-19 21:54:39 · answer #2 · answered by YD 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The Only Time it would be Difficult to say No is when you really want to say "YES"
2006-12-19 21:26:22 · answer #3 · answered by uksawatdii 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Actually,it's not difficult to say "no" at all! But it's a lot harder to think "no" as well.
2006-12-19 22:00:50 · answer #4 · answered by Sophie,the cat 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The answer whether its a "yes" or "no" depends on the question being asked.
But people really don't practice their right to say no. Sometimes its hard to say "no" to fun, or to people that you love and care about. I wouldn't say "no" to my sister whom I love so much, and same thing with my father towards me. "Yes" at some point becomes a way to express love and care, that you don't think about what people ask you, but rather say "yes" and think about how to do it later. While "no" can sometimes make you feel guilty. If you feel that people really need you then it gets harder to say "no". Same thing with rejecting people who may feel bad.
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But lets be realistic!
Do you like eating cookies? Yes!
You don't like eating cookies, right? No, I do like them!
The answer has to do with the question.
2006-12-19 21:31:28 · answer #5 · answered by Max D 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It could be one's reluctance and consciousness for lowering the questioning person's expectations in one. It strictly depends on one's personality and experiences in life; whether on not they get what they want; if they know what they want; how their relations with others exist, socially and intimately.
2006-12-19 21:28:57 · answer #6 · answered by AQ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Because 'no' is negative..... we do not want to give negative vibes in the fear that it may rebound back on us. That is why, even when we have to say no, we try to sugarcoat it in order to assuage the negative reaction.
2006-12-20 00:42:06 · answer #7 · answered by small 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I find that “NO” it is not only dificil when really what it is wanted to say it is “YES”
2006-12-20 00:32:26 · answer #8 · answered by amanda v 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Because you don't like to dissapoint people.
2006-12-19 21:45:31 · answer #9 · answered by Snowflake 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
"No"is my common word.
2006-12-19 22:09:10 · answer #10 · answered by linda c 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋