A poem: Me and the General. Any good?

Question

I dropped the habit
After forty-some years
To save myself from death.

I haven’t lit one in three months
Ninety-one days of smokeless hell.

Now I lay on the ground
Bleeding and fading out
And I use my last few breaths
To curse the Surgeon General
For not telling me wet sneakers
On a ladder will kill me quicker.

Answer 1

I opened this expecting some typical crap--this is actually good, clever, and to the point.

Is the second stanza necessary? To me, it makes the rhythm kinda awkward. 3 lines-2 lines-6 lines? Why? Perhaps there is a way to convey the thought and fit it into some kind of meter better. Then again, maybe it works better if read aloud by the author, or maybe consolidate it into one stanza, or something. Nice, though.

Answer 2

it's not to my taste, but I applaud everyone who attempts poetry, it's such an individual thing, god knows there are tons of people who will read mine and think it's poo!!

enter in on www.poetry.com - it may get published and the best thing about that site is that the writer keeps the rights to their own work, which i think is important - it means should you ever want to publicly display your work or have it published elsewhere; you can!

Answer 3

Made me giggle. I like it.

Answer 4

I liked it. :) The payoff is quite funny.