How much power does a stepmother have on .....?

Question

I have a stepmother who insists on controlling me in any situation, restaurants, etc. I always end up looking like the bad one. She has my Dad eating out of the palm of her hand and can persuade him quite easily. He divorced my mother twenty years ago, and I have been feeling without a Dad for so long, and I am sure that it is because she talks badely behind my back. She is a Doctor, so she has alot of money and power with my Dad, and she just makes me out to him as a loser and a loser mother (who is his ex-wife.)

Answer 1

Your step mom has let her power go to her head, trying to control both her professional and private life and everyone that goes with either. Shes way too used to leading and knows she can. Her money and job title are her power and she likes to have control over everyone and it doesnt bother her to step on who ever she has to. It sounds like your father got exactly what he was looking for; a domineering and powerful woman to control him. Since blood ties are stronger than love ties, you impose a problem to status quo between her and your father. You cant compete with her on her level but your ties to your dad are really strong and she doesnt like that, so she is pulling out all stops and will do whatever she has to to destroy your relationship with your dad. theres not much you can do by yourself as she has her hooks deep into your dad and chances are hes probably afraid to stand up against her about anything. The most you can do is talk to your dad and tellhim how you feel, although I seriousily doubt that anything will come out of it and try and avoid her as much as possible. She will use your dad for however long she is happy and will leave him when shes thru or your dad will eventually come to his senses, realize whats happening and leave her. Control over someone gets very boring after awhile and I doubt if this woman likes to be bored for long. Be patient, not easy to do and let everything take care of itself. Good luck and Merry Christmas

Answer 2

Your dad is a grown adult with his own mind, I wouldn't blame EVERYTHING on her.
It does sound like she resents you though.
You need to sit down without this stepmother and talk to your dad alone and tell him how you feel without totally bashing his wife. Try to be respectful but be honest. Understand?
You didn't say how old you are? But if your parents divorced like twenty years ago I'm assuming you are an adult. How does your stepmother control you in any situation then? Are you living off of her in any way? If so then maybe she has a right if she's supporting you.

Answer 3

Ah, the step-parent blues: as seen by the child of divorce. I'm assuming the Doctor probably has dated divorced men with children--and has seen the really nasty side of such kids; an experience that leaves her cold-hearted and on the defensive.

I too have dated divorced women in serious relationships---and I've seen the embittered side of their children expressed directly at me. I can say w/ resonant clarity it leaves painful stings that last long after the relationship ends.

I say let the Doctor vent on....don't take any stock in what comes out her mouth; doing so only fuels her embitterment. That's NOT to say however, you can't stand up for yourself--find a good insult to shut her up with. And hey: it's a political given the Doctor doesn't like your mother because she's heard and understands the painful feelings your dad has shared with her.

To understand how one is helps greatly in tolerating them.

Answer 4

This is hard to judge. You sound like you have a lot of anger which could be because you are a teen dealing with a step-mother or your step mother is just a nasty person. There is no way to honestly give you an answer but I wish I could. Consider asking again and giving some instances where she is correcting/controlling you and details on it. I wish you the best.

Answer 5

You are an adult, yes? If you are, your stepmother should have absolutely no power over you. Your father on the other hand may be influenced by your actions as well as your step mother's opinions about you and your mother. What you need to do is talk to your father in a calm and respectful manner. That means refraining from calling your step mother names or saying anything blatantly negative about her.

Answer 6

Hi think you might be overdoing it a bit... I also have a stepmother and on the other side a stepfather. Once you start to show them some respect they will respect you. It sounds to me like you don't have any respect for your stepmother. (she knows it and can see it) that is why she is trying to control you, that is her way of saying to you that she wants some respect from you.

No matter what you do. Your father is big enough to make his own choices in life, just as you are. One day you will meet some one (if you haven't already) and will you like it when your stepmother do to your friends as you do to her.

I hope you understand my answer. Please be patience and show that you are better than her. You will be surprised in the change of her attitude.

Good luck.

Answer 7

I think you need to talk to your dad about this. I know it hurts to see your dad with another woman. Unfortunately, because she is your step mother and your elder, you do have to show some respect. But the same goes for her. If she married your dad she has to understand that you came along with him. She needs to have some respect for you too. Try to find a middle ground with her. You two might just be misunderstanding each other and could have a great friendship.

Answer 8

It depends how old you are...........if you are under 18 then she has the right to control your actions and guide you in the right directions.

You need to respect her as your elder, but if you think theres more to this, you should talk to your Dad about it, and maybe seek some counselling.........maybe you could try and talk calmly to your step mum and let her know how you feel...........if she's a Doctor then she should be very understanding of your feelings.

Answer 9

You know what? it may seem unfair and your step mum may come across as a control freak ( which she probably is) but don't let that allow you to think any less of yourself or your mum.
Step parents are kinda hard out what ever, but they will never replace what's already been, and they mean well, jus sometimes itsa bit alien at first.
just know that dad and mum love you, no matter what goes on.
And your step mum is workin on it.
hey! you'll get heaps a 'pressies' and thats a bonus.

Answer 10

Ignore her, she sounds like a control freak. Enjoy your time with your dad, and dont worry too much about it. As long as your dad is happy. He has to spend the rest of his life with her, (not you). Be tolerant. Trust me it works if you can switch off and dont waste energy thinking or worrying about. there are a lot like her out there. Deal with it. Good luck.