My boyfriend and I have been together for over 4 years, we have had a rocky relationship and he cheated on me 3 years ago. I cant forget it, I think about it and I get angry with him. We are in a good place now and I cant seem to stop thinking about our past problems. I get angry with him when I think about it. I made the choice to take him back, sometimes I ask myself why I would do that, because I am always affraid that it will happen again. I am a depressed person, so maybe it is me wallowing in my on self pity that causes these feelings. I just cant talk my mind out of thinking about it. I am not any meds because they make me like a zombie. Does anyone have an suggestions?
2006-12-19 19:45:14 · 22 answers · asked by Wendy M 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Z O L O F T! it will not make you drowsy and will help with some of the anxiety that you are feeling,
2006-12-19 19:47:07 · answer #1 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have a decision to make at some point...
"...Does the 'cheating' matter or not..."
You can put this off for as long as you want, but if you have not 'really come to grips' with this, it will continue to fester.
'Depression' can be physical, mental, and emotional... and each are tackled in a different way. Medications can give you relief, but often the side-effects are not worth it in the end.
What you really need is some way to break the cycle, and hopefully in the least invasive and most easily continued way.
You maybe thought "the lesser of two evils" when you took him back. Perhaps you thought "he'll never do it again". I'll go out on a limb here and say maybe you just felt depressed and wanted him (or someone you were comfortable with) back in your life.
2006-12-19 20:06:27 · answer #2 · answered by wolf560 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you have unanswered questions?
Do you know what caused him to stray?
Usually when you feel like this, there is a cause for it. Part of feeling it will happen again is just human nature. It is our way of protecting ourselves and making ourselves more aware of the signs we missed before. If you have not talked about this with him, it could be that you do not see why he did it. Knowing why he did it can give you the ability to make sure those factors are never in place again.
As someone who is in this situation, I can understand that it is very difficult to deal with it when you just don't understand what went wrong. Perhaps this is the answer for you too. While the ugly details of his cheating and the ugly reasons for it do not make pleasant hearing, perhaps you need to hear it so you can feel like you have some control again. You've been betrayed and you had no control over that, but if you know what caused it and how and why it happened, you can control the environment and the behaviours in the relationship now to avoid it happening again.
2006-12-19 19:51:37 · answer #3 · answered by jaynic72 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
can tell u one thing....... if u really loved him that much and still he cheated on u then he is not worth ur trust and love..
so once the person has lost that place called respect in ur heart and relationship ..there will always be a bad patch in the relationship and u can never look up to him or give him 100percent of urself .......
so stop acting like a love lost kid..for u r not .. the day u started giving a thought to what he did and the day u got angry and are still angry itself shows ,u r mature enough to understand what had happened in ur relationship and more important ur self respect was at stake at one point.........
play with anything but not ur self respect ..and when a man has shared ur bed with another woman ..means he has played with ur respect........
so either forget all that happened and forgive him completely because of ur undying love for him........or leave everything and move on .. u will be happy and better off this way..........u will be at peace
THIS I SAY BECAUSE... THERE IS NOTHING WORSE IN THIS WORLD MORE THAN INSECURITY AND UNCERTAINITY...........SO STOP WALLOWING IN SELF PITY AND ASKING OTHERS, RATHER GIVE IT A THOUGHT AND U TAKE THE DECISION....
2006-12-23 04:08:22 · answer #4 · answered by smile2u2 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get over it. You are back with each other, make the most out of your own decision. You will be ruining the present relationship if you keep thinking about the past. Let bygones be bygones. It is not easy but keep trying. Put in mind that you are sacrificing the present for a past which has been regretted already by him. Give him a second chance by forgetting the past. And by giving him this chance , you are giving yourself a chance to be happy as well.
2006-12-20 13:42:39 · answer #5 · answered by ? 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you are not alone. zillions of women have been cheated on. don't let yourself think that you are the only one, or the cause. it is really not worth losing a DECENT guy over. (if he is decent) if he is not then it's time to dump him. Remember who he goes home to every night. Is it you? It isn't me, I can assure you. Worrying and mistrust will DRIVE him into the arms of another woman, maybe permanently. Perhaps the real issue is that you're still bf/gf and not married. Well would you want to marry someone who doesn't trust you? Or who always thinks you're just a cheater at heart? Dont' let HIS past eat you up inside! Your insides are too important. He's still with you. Yes, it does mean something about his feelings. Be happy.
2006-12-19 19:55:24 · answer #6 · answered by Aim g 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You said we are in a good place now.
That is a great place to be.
Medication is no answer.
Your concerns about him doing It again are natural.
Stop describing, viewing yourself as a depressed person, OK?
You are placing yourself in chains by doing this.
Take a good look at yourself...
you have so much to offer...
The sun will come up tomorrow...
So will you, you just need to find your own self worth.
Stop dealing with your emotions of the past... that is what they are... the past. Your life needs to be LIVED right here.. in the PRESENT, NOT THE PAST......
You are not a victim of the past, unless you make that choice, weather It be conscience or not.
Remember... the sun will come up tomorrow....
the dawn of your new life.
Be proud of yourself.
You should be!!!! :) :) :) :)
2006-12-19 20:04:56 · answer #7 · answered by Mr. Dave 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just go to bed take a long and deep sleep.
I mean just shrugg off what all has happend.Sounds too logical to follow...?
Say me do stop eating food at time,going to bathroom for poty or do you forget to wear dress properly before going out?
If you can do all those thing,then how can you not start your life from the begining again?
Just think it as a day you have passed and you can fix any part of it as per your wish.Then why to spoil your today?
Find another one and go with him/her.Just don't repeat the mistake you did last time.
2006-12-21 01:19:10 · answer #8 · answered by Avijit 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First things first Wendy! If you took him back, did you forgive him for it! If not, then why did you take him back. If you consider your relationship more precious than his blunder, forgive him right now and say to yourself "He may have been bad and may have hurt me deeply, but I forgive him" Say this every day and let it work for you. No pain goes away immediately, but trainning your subsconscious to accept him will work for you slowly. Promise yourself that when you think of the incident you will let your mind go blank. Think of something nice he has done. You are blessed that you have not done something like this to him. Would you feel the same if you had cheated on him! First try and understand him. Maybe he is already embrassed about his own past and doesnt want you to remember. You by remembering these things are hanging on to your past and are binding yourself and him! Break free. Believe in yourself and your inner strength to overcome future situations. If you feel he is giving you no reason to doubt him now, open up to him. Speak politely and say that what he did to you hurt you and you dont believe there is reason to doubt him now, but also that hopefully such incidents are not going to be repeated in future, if he values this relationship. If he gets the hint good, if not good for you, you know what sort a person you are going to commit yourself to for life!
I too am in grip of the same problem right now as I am writing to you. Someone has deeply hurt and insulted me, and I want to forgive because I dont want anyone to be the reason of my un-happiness! No one even your mother, father, friend or husband is worth your happiness! Remember, Jesus died for you so that you would be free of guilt and suffering and that would make you happy! Sometimes even our near and dear ones are not happy for us! Maybe I am too religious, but that is the only way to keep yourself sane in a terribly insane world!
2006-12-19 23:02:32 · answer #9 · answered by indiangal 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have not indicated your age; presumably you must be in the teens, or may be, just crossing over teens..In our lives we are usually guided by instincts and impulses; both are dangerous. Even if you are given a sane advise, you are unlikely to follow it because it is not what you want to hear.My advise to you is to discuss the matters with your parents, who will advise you correctly. A man who cheats is overconfident of himself and there is no guarantee that he will not repeat himself once again. Better get over him for a better choice
2006-12-19 23:15:14 · answer #10 · answered by tumuluri b 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Trust is the core base of all relationship. It seems you are unable to trust him. There are only two ways out from here either TRUST him or THROW him. Get over it asap or you will end up doing more mistakes in life. Life is precious do not waste it for nothing.
2006-12-20 00:12:14 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋