If you were raped, how long did it take before you were ok again? Did you need counseling or did you just give it time? I can't have sex with my husband at all now. It feels so disgusting to me. I know it hurts him, but I can't. The rape happened this summer. Thank you for input ahead of time!
2006-12-19 18:26:38 · 4 answers · asked by IMHO 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I have counselled a lot of women of rape. You need to get some counselling or therapy TOGETHER .. you, so you can put this violent UNLOVING act into perspective, your husband, so he can understand what actions he might do during LOVEMAKING that are scary and remind you of the attack. He also needs to "woo" you with patience and gentleness. Please try to recognize that the actual physical action in both instances are at opposite ends of the spectrum.. One was an act of forced violence by a man who has no respect for women, the other is an extension of the communication of love and respect your husband has for you. Please dont allow this traumatic event to alter your views on sex. Seek counselling, the sooner you do, the more you will be able to heal from this trauma. You cant do it alone, because you cant maintain a reasonable perspective and see it in proper proportion to your whole life. Dont let this evil man steal your ability to express sexual love for your husband. You are still the same person you were before the event, you dont want to allow the attacker to take from you any more than he did in that moment. Its your choice how much you will allow him to destroy in you. I think you have it in you to be stronger and put this behind you. It helps to get very angry because he had no right to do what he did. Use that anger to rebuild your self esteem and love your husband with passion. You can email me if you need to talk in depth. But regardless, seek a professional therapist to get the emotional trauma into perspective and take your husband along so he can understand what he needs to do to help you.
2006-12-20 05:28:31 · answer #1 · answered by casurfwatcher 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I am so sorry to hear that you were raped. I truly am. That is horrible. I too was raped. I was 7 or 8, I cannot remember, but it RUINED my entire childhood. In fact, I lost my entire childhood as a result. I turned to drugs and alcohol and quite frankly, I lost what could have been.
My only advice to you is that you are NOT dirty. You were cheated, but that does not make you dirty. You were/are not at fault.
Give yourself to your husband. He is accepting you, not TAKING from you without permission or against your will. Give of yourself. You are as clean as a new born baby in his eyes, I'm sure.
2006-12-21 19:01:29 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
well for me I was young and i blocked it out until I was out of the house and on my own. I had nightmares and flashbacks daily and felt horrible. I did counciling and learned I wasn;t alone. I knew i should have seeked help earlier----my fiance ( bf at the time) went with me a few times first he knew i needed help. so he was great to go with me and it did help. As far as the ok again----i still somedays am not "ok" but you will learn to deal and realize the feelings will pass and move on untill the next time.
I understand and still have some intimacy issues so if you want to talk outside of here you can e-mail me at traarat@yahoo.com
take care
hope this helped
2006-12-21 05:17:21 · answer #3 · answered by applegrower 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
i'm so sorry you got raped
2006-12-23 23:29:07 · answer #4 · answered by italiana mocha 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋