Does being racist make her feel better?

Question

I have grown up with racist grandparents and relatives. My immediate family is not racist at all. I am disgusted and hate to sit in on conversations with racial slang, jokes, or derogatory statements. What should I say to my grandmother/just let her go and ignore her? It bothers me and I don't feel comfortable having talks with her anymore.

My family is white and my grandparents are of the 40's and 50's (parent) generation. I am 23 and have dealt with it this long. It's just really aggravating.

Answer 1

Hi

I agree with the first comment..I think it is generational. I think people these days are more open minded and liberal.

I would sit down with your grandmother and tell her your feelings. Ask her why she is the way she is..sounds mean..but often people don't realize it. They could have been brought up that way, lived during a time that someone talked to them that way...etc. Share your thoughts and feelings. She will not know, unless you tell her. Explain to her why it bothers you.

If you can't talk to her in person, find a nice hallmark card and share your feelings through writing and words. I understand it can be hard to talk to some one that you love about a differing opion. The most important thing is that you have to communicate. Most people can't read your mind. They may be able to read your body language, but communicate with them.

Don't be rude about it. Just let them know how you are feeling by it. Relate a story to them, so that they may see what it is like being in your shoes. (i.e when you were talking about the african american neighbor...etc....I thought of ______ and how they would have felt if they heard you talking like that. I am friends with that person..and I like them because of ___________). Maybe then they will see that you know what you are talking about.

If this doesn' t work. Change the subject when ever you talk to that person. Maybe then they will take the hint!

Good luck!

It is hard to talk to some of our loved ones! Sometimes it is hard for them to relate...

Answer 2

Racism is an acquired, not an inherited trait. You are the very best proof of concept that You will ever find.
"Old people" come from a totally different place than You (or for that matter I). It is called "The past". Back then the world was a place filled with, not just ignorance, but also uneducated / ill-informed opinions and view points. People lived a much harder style of life and this tended to make Them bitter, and far less tolerant than You or I. People of Your Grandparents vintage cannot "unlearn" the memories and experiences that have shaped Their lives. Be grateful that You and Your other relatives have evolved beyond such behavior. Unfortunately You will either have to draw a line in the sand and say "this far, but no further", or else You will just have to be tolerant of Their social transgressions. Obviously the decision is ultimately Yours, and Yours alone. I think that You will make the right choice, that is to say, the one about which You will feel best about Yourself.
Good luck with You quandary, and have a Merry Christmas.

Answer 3

I would confront your relatives and Grandma by saying that's not nice what has this particular culture did to you? Then get your point across and explain to them how you feel about racism .Maybe you might be able to clear up any misguided information.It will probably not change their thoughts but it might change the way they express them around you.I feel like if you say nothing you are being a silent partner.Saying something won't change them all together but it's a big step in the right direction.They might not be conscious of their behavior any time except for when they are around you but it still a major step.If it still continues I would just walk away when they say things you don't feel are right.Then try again later when the conversation is on a lighter note. That will allow them to see how serious you are.

Answer 4

You options will be based in part - on your age. If you are under 18 or still living at home, you cannot say too much without getting into trouble.

Some people are racists because they have been taught to think that way. Some are that way, because they want to feel superior to the group they are downgrading. Either way, its still wrong.

If they make comments about a special race, find some things that members of that race did that has been helpful. For instance, many southern whites were against African-American. Yet if your grandfather served in Korea or WWII, he might have benefited from a black doctor who did research that helped develop blood banks.

Expect them to be surprised at your response to them. After all, they have probably been doing it all of their lives. Doesn't make it right - just a bad habit that's hard to break.

Answer 5

I wouldn't get in a fight with her over it, but I would change the subject every time the offensive matters arise. When jokes are being made, don't laugh. If someone notices and says something, tell them you don't think it's funny and change the subject. My grandparents are the same way and I don't even think they realize times have changed since the fifties. I know they aren't going to change so I just move on and refuse to join the conversation.

Answer 6

Be respectful when you approach your grandmother about your discomfort. She comes from another time, and may not understand why you feel like you do, but DO NOT BE PREACHY with her, I cannot stress this enough. That may cause tension between you and she's still your grandmother.

Accept her for her faults, but is she cannot accept you for your beliefs than maybe you should keep the converstaion away from race.

It's good that your family was able to move on from the unfair beliefs of older generations.

Answer 7

Hi. There are two ways to answer. Is your family black? Perhaps the older generation still harbors hatred for the way they were treated. You cannot know this feeling. Is your family white? Perhaps they would rather be racist sounding rather that guilty sounding. You cannot know this either. Just wait long enough and this generation will pass. Just don't let them pass on hatred.

Answer 8

you are a digusting prude, left wing do-gooder who really does bad. you should treat your relative right. all people all around the world talk naturally that same way. if you were a fly on the wall in an eskimoe igloo you would hear jokes about the jery whites who want to save whales or such. you were corrupted by the public school system and you are hopeless because you should have figured all that out and more. but you didn't. you are more prejudiced and racial then your normal relatives. i don't like you.

Answer 9

you aren't going to change her, so why bother starting a fight.

like others said before, don't laugh at the jokes. leave the room if a topic begins that you are not comfortable with. if it is a one-on-one talk with your grandmother & she brings up a topic, just politely tell her that you don't feel the same in a casual way. say it just like it is a food you don't like... don't say it with any anger. be respectful, and don't make a fuss about it. unless you want to ruin your relationship with your grandmother & family.

Answer 10

It's sad you feel that distant from her. Are there any topics that are safe? As in, you can avoid race by talking about food/ a good book/ pets?
It is mostly mental though. That's how our grandparents grew up, and for many it's too late for them to change their ways.
Try to be patient, and pray for her mind to be opened.
Good luck!