He's known for over 3 years and just won't accept it. I've tried having him read books, offered to go to counseling with him with no luck. He refuses. He blames my partner for my gayness and insists that she's with me for my family's money - which is the furthest thing from the truth. How can I make him see that I'm happy with my life and with my partner, my soulmate?
2006-12-19 16:55:02 · 18 answers · asked by jiffypop12182 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
He has what is called an "ignorant block," no offense, which simply means he is choosing to believe what he wants to believe so that he is not forced to alter his idealogy. Let him know this, and remind him that you are more important than his traditions, your happiness more important than his prejudices, your decision ultimately more binding than his own. He must realize that he has but two choices, to accept or not accept your decision, because changing his daughter is not an option, and should not be preferable to alter idealogy any way.
Love him always, and pursue his acceptance, but never be deterred by any dejection that is derived from ignorance, no offense at all.
2006-12-19 17:30:41 · answer #1 · answered by Fabian 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Some parents have a very hard time accepting. Perhaps thats how they were raised or your dad probably always saw you marrying a guy and can't accept the fact you like girls. (are you the only daughter? if so, this is probably why....)
The best thing you can do is just stop trying to get him to understand. You know your gf isn't after the family's money shes with you cause she loves you. Thats all that matters. What you want. If your dad is being stubborn just stop trying. Your getting nowhere if its been 3 years.
Just let him be. Do what you want. Overtime he'll realize your not gonna change for him. If hes that worried about money, you could do what the other poster said about having your gf sign legal papers then that'll proof to him that shes with his daughter cause of love.
Best wishes :-)
2006-12-19 19:23:50 · answer #2 · answered by tashasw79 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well it's for you to make them see. So very often we forget that coming out is also a process for those who we love. If your dad does not accept your partner, then let it be. Continue being his daughter, not his gay daughter but his daughter. When talking about your partner, talk about the good and what joyshe brings to your life. You have to also be prepared that he may never accept her or any other partner that you bring home. The bigger question is..... Are you going to be ok, if he's not. Good Luck!
2006-12-19 20:24:33 · answer #3 · answered by Layde E 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is not so unusual. Many of us went through that at some point, I am sure about that.
My father once introduced my partner to some of his relatives, as a distant cousin from my mother side. Sometimes It's just hard for parents to accept "diversity".
Give him more time. Let him understand that you are the same person you were before you came out.
2006-12-19 19:59:54 · answer #4 · answered by Kedar 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's so hard when a parent refuses to at least believe in their child. My mother is very similar to your father. She says I've been hurt by men and am now hiding by being a lesbian. The truth is I have been hurt by men, but if I had just accepted myself sooner instead of trying to be what my mother wanted me to be, I never would have been involved with men. I tell my mother that she doesn't have to approve, but she has to be respectful of both my girlfriend, myself and our relationship or she can lose me. My mom doesn't approve, she flat out told me she wouldn't come to the wedding ceremony, but she has finally started being friendly to my fiancee. Three years is a long time for your father to not realize it's not a phase. I think it might be time to give him an ultimatum. Be respectful and kind, or say goodbye to me. That's what I did. It semi-worked for me. Good luck!
2006-12-20 01:58:05 · answer #5 · answered by Mama23Girls 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the only thing i can suggest is just stop trying to make your dad understand just don't talk to him and ignore the fact that he docent accept you but show him that you are happy with your partner show him that the two of you love each other and well propose to him that you and your partner will sign a legal paper renouncing your family's money that Way he can see that the two of you are in love and soul mates
2006-12-19 17:07:26 · answer #6 · answered by me 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You've heard the saying, 'you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink?' That's your Dad, the horse. You cannot make up somebodys mind up for them. They have to do that.
So chill. Try to see his side (he MAY be right about your girlfriend being after the money, so beware), but we just don't know.
Would you say that your girlfriend and you are intellectually and developmentally equal? If so, it sould be a match. Otherwise, one of you is just using the other.
2006-12-19 18:09:05 · answer #7 · answered by Christian Sinner 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I undersatnd your predicament with your father. I think you have done your part in trying your best to seek for his acceptance. but he is just being hard.
Our parents were brought up in a not so liberal way of life. So you should understand that for people of his generation, they find people like us as "mistakes" or "abominations".
My advice to you is to continue living your life and continue to strive for your dreams.
It has been a long time since i came out to my mom and my sexuality is still a touchy subject. whenever she gets into a debate mode about it, i just tell her "if you can't accept me for who i am then that is your problem."
I don't like to be blunt and to be bitchy towards my mom but sometimes I just have to stand my ground and show her that i am a strong, independent, and loving person despite my sexuality.
It takes time for parents to accept homosexual kids because they feel that they made a mistake somewhere. They just need to come to their senses by themselves. they too are adjusting to the ways of the world these days.
So just continue to love your dad.. show him that you care but, always follow your heart and never fail to listen to the gentle murmurs of the brain.
2006-12-19 18:23:48 · answer #8 · answered by Tor 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ah bless well done for sticking to your gun's...
Your father doesn't want to acept his little girl will never marry (Male ) and is finding the whole sit rather strange....
Just carry on like you have been, time is a great healer, and sooner or later he will accept it he has to....
Good luck...
And a very merry christmas to you both...
2006-12-20 05:17:01 · answer #9 · answered by loulou777 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You will not convince him through reason. I would not even try.
Just keep treating him like Daddy. In fact spend extra effort in that direction to make sure that he always knows you are still his little girl.
2006-12-19 18:30:17 · answer #10 · answered by beckychr007 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋