Yeah, I've been with my guy since I was 14; he was 16. He was my "first". Now, for the first few years he seemed girl crazy, so I was constantly chasing girls away, but excused alot of his actions because we were young and I knew he was wild. After time went by, I noticed that he wasn't worried about the "skirts" and the bedroom became more "kinky", but he started taking off with his friends a little more often than before, especially when we would have a disagreement. Later on I began noticing how he would act with certain guys. These were his special "friends" I guess. I try to be understanding and accepting as long as it stays out of my face and out of our home, but it is extremely difficult. You're supposed to love people unconditionally--right? My curiosity gets me and I tend to ask questions, but he don't want to tell me exactly what he does with these people. Our bedroom techniques are not boreing, I do everything to him that he likes to have done to him. What am I to do now?
2006-12-19 16:16:30 · 20 answers · asked by STEPH 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
For the last year or so I have been one of those "special friends" to a man like your husband. I know this guy loves his wife dearly, and is attracted to her in everyway; but there are certain needs/attractions/tendencies that cannot be fulfilled by a woman, no matter how much love is involved. It comes down to physiology - men and women are just different.
Your husband probably doesn't realise that his secrecy despite your questioning must hurt you more than the truth, and he's just trying to spare your feelings, not wanting you to feel inadequate as a wife.
2006-12-19 22:43:43 · answer #1 · answered by Soren 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Ok, apart from what has bee said already, there is a support group that exists out there for spouses of those who are GLBT. It's called (naturally) the Straight Spouses Network. It's an international organization that provides support. It also does outreach and provides research information. You may be too angry right now to contemplate this at the moment, but this organization has helped heal a lot of people. Here's the site:
http://straightspouse.org
And get tested for HIV and STD's as well. No one here can stress that enough!
2006-12-20 02:09:04 · answer #2 · answered by Megosophy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to him about it but don't make him defensive. don't be accusing....
You don't have to "DO" anything other than stay with him if you want. He is still the good man you've been with all these years.
But he might be cheating on you with some guys. Maybe you can be ok with that, maybe you can have a 3 some in your bedroom? That could work out to your benefit in some very kinky ways for your pleasure.
Trust me, I know how that can work out.....
write me if you want and i'll explain all.
2006-12-20 04:23:02 · answer #3 · answered by a1tommyL 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he is guilty of this, it is the result of his own weakness. You have done (or not done) anything wrong, so please stop blaming yourself. You need to ask your husband if he has been faithful to you. It is only fair for him to let you know if he has been intimate with someone (anyone) else. IF it turns out that your husband is attracted to the same sex, it is not a requirement that he act on his desires. It IS a requirement that he honor his marriage vows. If he will not open up to you, will he agree to counseling? I do not know what your religious background is, but I will say a prayer for you.
"Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it"
Ephesians 5:25
2006-12-19 17:06:40 · answer #4 · answered by Sister Christian 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Have you considered marriage counseling? It sounds like you really love him, and that's admirable. Continue to remind him about that, and remember it's not just about sex, him lusting after men may be something deeper. A therapist would be able to help you both express your feelings better. It would be sad if he began to resent you for making him hold back his new feelings, even if you didn't mean to, he just might start placing blame. Did your husband have any traumatic physical/sexual experiences as a child? Something like that could have a life long impact that's just surfacing now.
In short, I reccomend professional help.
Good luck!
2006-12-19 16:48:47 · answer #5 · answered by cellar_door 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I'm really sorry you have to go thru this. Your husband should have been honest with you about everything. It's not fair for him to be unfaithful to you & expose you to the possibility of incurable diseases. You now have a really difficult choice to make. That's whether or not you'll stay with him & work it out. But chances are he will continue to be dishonest with you as he has in the past. He's broken sacred vows & dishonored his commitment to you. He's not likely to change. I certianly do not want my husband sexually involved with anyone male or female, to do so would dishonor our marriage. Good luck.
2006-12-19 16:25:24 · answer #6 · answered by 2D 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
There are Moral Standards That everyone should Keep and Fidelity is one of them. Every Married Male from Time to Time is attracted to another person (mostly Females) But in Reality it doesn't matter what he's attracted to he doens't have to act upon that urge. We all have inclinations of one kind or another, Many are not good, we resist the urge and live a normal life because it is whats best for society and those around us. but we should not have to sit idle while those around us indulge in immoral activities. he is either faithfull to you or he is not.
2006-12-19 16:42:20 · answer #7 · answered by Nicholas C 1 · 0⤊ 2⤋
hy hons gay boyfriends davie and steeviee, gay porno stars and nude waiters gay, mens, bar, restaurants. and male strippers, okay, if you are doing everything as you say in the bedromm, and, giving the guy what he wants and you are the faithfull, little lady here and, you are trying too tell us you never ounce cheated on the guy right?? only you know the anwser too that one. okay if your giving the guy everything you can in this relationship,, and not cheating on him. and hes out runing around having his fun with his half baked friends. we think its time you unload this mess. hit the highways. clearly this thing is over with. the one thing that amazes us is how you just sit around and let this thing go on. pack it up and leave. its over with. your still young enough too unload this clunkerr. its time.
2006-12-20 00:43:35 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Shoot, being bi or gay isn't the issue, really, is it? Trust is the issue and he has been jerking you around since the beginning. Dump him and move on while you're are still young.
Besides, if he is on the down-low and lying about it, you are at risk for aids and other STDs.
Hope there are no kids involved.
2006-12-19 16:22:09 · answer #9 · answered by Skeff 6 · 6⤊ 0⤋
It might be fun watching him with another man, don't you think? Perhaps you could talk about having a threesome (two men and you)..but if you are not into that sort of thing, then you might need to divorce him. Good Luck.
P.S. There are tons of men in this world, and if you are not wanting to accept something that your man does, then there are plenty more men to choose from.
2006-12-19 16:21:51 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋