My twin brother phoned me today to ask me what the dinner plans for Christmas dinner is, as I am the one whom puts dinner on every year. I told him that I basically wanted him and my niece to come to dinner. Without his phoney wife. She had gotten in a argument with my brother one day and in the heat of the argument she forgot my daughter was in their vehical with my niece. She told my brother I am not going to pretend to like your sister, I am going to stop it now, once and for all. Also when she comes here she drops off my brother and niece while she goes out till early in the morning the next day. When she opens her eyes she wakes up my brother to tell him it is time to go. When they come here I maybe see her 5% of the time, as the rest of the time she goes clubbing and leaves my brother here. Obviously she can't stand to be around so why should I have her here for Christmas dinner? She said that if I wanted them here for Christmas dinner her mom has to come too.
2006-12-19 15:47:01 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
But anyways back to the phone call, my twin must have put the phone on speaker phone and he asked me to repeat what I told him earlier and I said that I did not want her to come here for dinner because she had the nerve to say in front of my brother I am not going to pretend to like her anymore. After she heard this I could here her in the background using vulgar language saying, why should I pretend to like her, why wouldn't I just stay away. Then she would get vulgar again and I said oh settle down, then she said F*ck YOU! I then told my twin I have to let you go and that was the end of our conversation. Did I do something wrong? Should I apologize? What would you do in my shoes, how would you handle the situation?
2006-12-19 15:51:43 · update #1
I dont think you did anything wrong. Your brother and her however did. Your brother disrespected you, because he shouldnt of put you on speaker phone. She shouldnt have cussed you out. And it her own fault for not being invited. If she acted as if she wanted to be a part of your family (which oviously she doesnt) then maybe you would have invited her. She doesnt sound very mature either. You, being the adult here, should go on ahead be the bigger person appologize and say "Look its christmas, Im sorry, I would like you to come to dinner, I just figured you didnt want to come cause you never stay here the whole time anyways. Id like you to come, but only if you want to and are willing to stay along with my brother." explain to her that in your family during Christmas, your tradition is to spend time as a family and you'd like for her to be apart of that also.
Hope this helps! Merry Christmas!
2006-12-19 17:11:01 · answer #1 · answered by Jessica T 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well it sounds like you did the right thing. her behavior towards you sounds very rude. She basically uses you to dump her husband and kids off so she doesn't have to feel guilty about going out without him (or pay a sitter). Tacky!
It is obvious she does not like to spend time with you, so you should not be doing her any favors. If she wants to continue clubbing, she can do it and leave both family members at home together (her husband can watch the daughter) so she must get more out of it than that. Maybe it's the free meal for her husband and daughter or even for herself Well, whatever the reason, it's wrong.
You are right to stand up to her. Tell your brother you truly love and care about him and your neice, but that you can not be disrespected this way and that it has gone on too long. And be supportive of him, let him know you will always be there for him. He is being mistreated by his wife and needs family. he has to come to his own conclusion in this matter, but always be there for him, no matter what.
Tell him you are sorry the situation has gone this far, but that until his wife can show you respect and good manners, she is not welcome in your home (and this demands an apology, to not apologize would be bad manners).
2006-12-19 15:58:32 · answer #2 · answered by kristin c 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ideally:
1. you would try to resolve any issues between you during the 364 days before Xmas comes around. At least you make an effort once a month over the course of the year to make things better between you. Send cards, gifts, try talkng, being thoughtful, etc.
2. If that fails, then you would still invoke the universal love and tolerance of God in your heart and invite them all over for Xmas with no expectations. Take lead and be unconditionally loving. Choose to be loving and happy.
3. If that fails, then invite the brother for Xmas eve, or Xmas breakfast or lunch, and leave it open for him to spend Xmas dinner with his wife.
4. If that fails then Call and wish them a merry Xmas and tell that you missed them this year.
In any case, inviting him and not her was not good as it showed you didnt care, you are not fair and you dont do your share. She did her share last time by coming and tolerating you, so she feels you should at least tolerate her. How would you react if you heard what she heard you say? There is no obligation to like you. Why we have to like everyone? That is her right and you need to respect that. There are clearly reasons and if you care for your brother's quality of life and happiness I think you will do more to try to mediate and resolve these issues, or at least be civil enough to tolerate her.
Hope this helps.
2006-12-19 16:25:10 · answer #3 · answered by TransformYour.World 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Christmas is a time for happiness and joy. Family and loved ones. you don't want to have a stressful day and ruin your Christmas dinner. I know he is your twin and I would invite him and your niece. If his wife objects to him going without her that is the issue he has to deal with. If your sister in law doesn't respect your house any more than what it sounds like then I wouldn't have her in my house.
2006-12-19 15:58:50 · answer #4 · answered by ksbehrends 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, you are in a bit of a pickle with this one, but you are totally justified in not wanting this rather toxic individual at your Christmas Dinner. The thing here is that you can't fix your brother or his wife, and the fact that he chose her is his little form of hell that he has to live with everyday, but you have to stand at arms length and stay away from them, period. He is part of this, and you obviously can't have him at your dinner without her, so instead, start a new Christmas Tradition, where you and your family celebrate only with those who aren't so messed up.
It is sad though that all this crap comes up at Christmas when we are all supposed to be putting aside all of our petty difference, but alas, it seems this season brings out the worst, and one of the main reasons that I don't celebrate it myself.
I am a Single Dad, and I teach my son to be a decent fellow everyday of the year, and that Christmas should be everyday (without all the gifts though, as that can become a little expensive).
2006-12-19 15:58:55 · answer #5 · answered by Crowfeather 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I guess my first question is.....why would your brother put up with it? I would suggest she make other plans. I can't understand why she would tag along only to go out somewhere else. Do you and your brother live far apart? I think if it is mutual that you and the sister in-law don't like each other than why spend time together at family functions. Seems like it will just make it uncomfortable for everybody. With all that said......I think it would be fair to just invite your brother. Eventually, your brother will see her for what she is! Good luck!
2006-12-19 15:55:48 · answer #6 · answered by deezy89 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first let me say I'm sorry you have to go through this at Christmas time.Maybe putting distance between your family and his is best. Is your time with your brother enjoyable while she isn't there? You say she isn't there even when they visit,which is better?there some of the time or none at all? I wish I could give you a great answer but really the choice must be yours
2006-12-19 16:05:39 · answer #7 · answered by watertigergreen 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel for you as Christmas is supposed to be a time of joy and happiness when we spend time with people we love and care for. I am in a similar situation to yours in that my sis-in-law is a horrible person and unfortunately, I have to spend Christmas day with her and her family! Sometimes you have to put up and shut up to keep the peace. It's a difficult situation, talk to your bro about the situation and tell your sis-in-law her behavior will not be tolerated in your home. Good luck.
2006-12-19 15:53:06 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
That's a tough one but I think I would call him back and just say you are having no guests this year for dinner but if he and your niece want to stop by/exchange gifts/visit for awhile, that would be great.
2006-12-19 15:53:16 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh man, unfortunately she doesn't sound like a person i'd ever want to meet. She seems to only care about herself & her needs & no one elses.
I mean i don't care much for MY OR my hubbys family (most of the time) but i try to be polite, chat.. have basic manners i guess.
Not sure what to tell you, if you've told him how you feel already.. then i don't know.
2006-12-19 15:52:08 · answer #10 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋