cheating on me. I always looked over it and stayed with him because I truly loved him. We never had trust from the beginning and I know you will say I should of dumped him long ago but I loved him and it seems like I can not get anyone to understand that. Well after 3 kids, 2 grandkids and 21 years later his ex-girlfriend of 25 years ago returned to town. He left me for her and said that he had always loved her. Then out of the blue 4 months after he left he wanted to meet with me and told me his heart was with me and wanted to come home, he said he would not even think of coming home if he thought he would hurt me like that again so I let him back in my home. two weeks after he came home I came home from work and his things was gone again, I called him at her house and he was there and he said he deserved to be happy and that is where he wanted to be. He has had no contact with me or our three grown children since he left over a month ago. Why do I still feel like I love this man?
2006-12-19 14:18:46 · 45 answers · asked by lisalup 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Hon, you have let him steal everything from you. There are two kinds of love - I love you because I need you...and I need you because I love you. He has some very serious issues and you are from a generation (me too, by the way) that taught us to stay in our marriage no matter what. There ARE those of us who understand why you stayed AND why you say you still love him, but the plain and simple truth is that HE does not love YOU. I know that sounds very cold, but that's the harsh reality of it. He's stolen from you for 21 years - he stole your heart, your self respect, your ability to trust, your self-confidence and your right to a happy and faithful marriage. You are VERY lucky if he hasn't stolen your very life by giving you a STD. Please get some professional counseling and do NOT let this fool back in your door (he will eventually get "tired" of the recent toy). Then he will want to come home because home is convenient. His power over you is not healthy for you. Close the door to your heart and don't open it for him again - not one little crack.
2006-12-19 14:38:24 · answer #1 · answered by nana 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Because you were with him for so long, especially at the age of 18 and getting married to him. You said yall have kids together, that is a little bit of you and a little bit of him in one person, of course it's going to be hard not to love him. There is nothing wrong with loving him still either, just don't ever take him back. If he did it in the beginning he will do it over and over again. I'm sure you know that though. You will always love him but soon that love will turn into a different kind of love, my mom was like that with my sisters dad. They were together for 9yrs and she still loved him so much after everything that he did to her and it took her a good while to get over it. Now she still loves him just not in that way, do you know what I mean?
2006-12-19 14:26:42 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You still do. He gave you false hope by saying he wanted to come back. I wouldn't make that mistake again though. He will always be torn between the two of you and if you let him, he will bounce back and forth forever.
There is nothing wrong with still loving him. You two have a long history together. As for him not having any contact with his kids and grandkids it will be his loss. He will realize too late that it was a mistake not keeping in touch with them. He is probably too ashamed of himself because of what he has done to you to show his face to his kids. The kids may have to make the first move if they want to be in contact with him. As for you having contact, the only contact I would have with him would be through my lawyer and when he starts writing checks to me for half of his retirement etc.
Get a lawyer, file for divorce, take what is rightfully yours, and don't look back. It will take time to move on but you should. Best wishes and happy holidays!
2006-12-19 14:30:48 · answer #3 · answered by country girl 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Because sadly you do still love him and probably will your entire life. You are a strong woman to put up with all the crap that you did. His recent back and forth behavior did not help, you have been waiting for him to love you back for so long that it gave you back hope that you were the only one for him, only to once again be let down. Do not listen to his lies if he does try it again, to come back anyway. He has comfort knowing that if his "g/f" ever wants to leave, you will be there, patiently waiting for him, like always. You can love some one, and not live with them, or put up with their bull crap. You can be a friend and listen to their problems, but you do not have to solve them, as much as you might want to. I am sorry that you fell in love with some one that did not love you back, but I am sure with your kind of dedication you will be able to find some one who can really appriciate you and your love, good luck in the future. Try not to fret about him, it might take two or three years to get "over" him, in other words, accepting the fact you are not together, but remembering that he does not love you back, should help.
2006-12-19 14:49:03 · answer #4 · answered by allaboutme_333 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He was your first love and the first love is always the hardest to get over. At this point, it sounds like you are in love with the way he used to be and/or in love with the notion that he is your one and only true love. In reality, you don't really think that it is fair for a person to leave you with three children? It is okay to always love, and I suspect that you will, but you need to recognize that you deserve someone to treat you the way you would treat him. Have you ever cheated on him? Have you ever left him with the kids for a period of time? Find someone who will meet you half way, and remain FRIENDs with your soon to be X-husband.
2006-12-19 14:27:30 · answer #5 · answered by Katharine A 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Probably because you still love him. That's not a flippant answer, that's probably a reality. But because you love someone doesn't mean you have to be a doormat for someone or be involved in a relationship with them.
I can truthfully say, I still love some of the women I have been involved with in the past, but I would never be involved with them in any way again. You are younger than you think but getting older everyday. Some people have time to waste on dreams. I don't.
2006-12-19 14:25:37 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why you ask? It is partally cuz you have low self esteem and you are used to the routine. Ask yourself honestly if this is what you want to go through for the rest of your life with this man cuz that is what is going to happen. You more or less told him it was ok to cheat and that you would be upset for a while but that you accepted it. IF he is to call and want back and I was in your shoes I would tell him to hit the road. Go and pamper yourself. It's all about you now and the pain will get easier believe me I was there. Good luck Hun.
2006-12-19 14:43:40 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My opinion is you never truly loved him. You were infatuated and scared to start over. You felt dependant on him or you would have addressed this issue long before now. You say know one understands that you love him, but if you loved him knowing the way he was, then you loved that part also, and I don't think you did. So many woman love the man they think he is or should be, but in reality isn't. I think now your problem is still the same, and until you learn to love yourself and depend on yourself you won't understand.
2006-12-19 14:26:20 · answer #8 · answered by dana j 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You still love him because you have shared a life time with him. Your suffering must have been all but unbearable. He is out of the way now, so live your life to the fullest. Continue nurturing your children, spoiling your grandchildren. Find some friends and hobbies, then have the time of your life!
Peace :)
2006-12-19 14:27:18 · answer #9 · answered by rezany 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this man is either playing with your heart or he doesn't know what he want......unfortunately, u love him enough to hold your pain n' welcome him home whenever he feels like it.....talk to someone u trust about your dilemma.....forgetabout him for a while......u still have your beloved family n' friends who are always there for u without on n' off....do some fun activities with them.....feel their love n' care for u.....go out a little more often n' meet new people, in this way, u won't feel lonely because the more people u meet, the easier for u to forget him.....do not call him, if he still cares for u, he'll call.....good luck!!!
2006-12-19 14:28:03 · answer #10 · answered by Marijuana 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋