been married for 14 yrs (no children), and have lost all interest in husband (physically and emotionally). we haven't gotten along in the last few months. one of us needs to leave, but which one? we have a new truck (in my name), a new travel trailer (in my name), a house (in both names), and other items we have purchased together. most of the furniture in the house belongs to me since my parents gave it to me. I have wanted out of this marriage for awhile now. no amount of counseling can save it. anybody out there have any suggestions please?
2006-12-19 14:07:33 · 27 answers · asked by Verge 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The first thing you should do is get a good lawyer.
Then say to your husband some of what you said here....
you've lost interest in him and the marriage and it's nothing left now....so the best thing for both of you is to get out before you start to hate each other.
2006-12-19 14:11:01 · answer #1 · answered by daljack -a girl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The new truck no matter who's name it's in is a marital asset, so is the travel trailer, the house as well as the furniture. They were purchased obvioulsy DURING the marriage and therefore are considered assets of the marriage, the furniture was used in the house you own jointly...therefore is a marital asset as well. It doesn't matter which one leaves but you'd better make sure you only take your clothes and personal items until you get a lawyer and flie for divorce.
2006-12-19 23:49:01 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, get a lawyer. Interview several, and make sure the one you use is not interested in taking your husband to the cleaners. That is a waste of money. However, you need someone to help you navigate the legal aspect of your divorce. In particular, your state law will govern who gets what, and title to the assets may not necessarily matter.
AFTER you have hired a lawyer, THEN you talk to your husband. When you do this, it's important to be very concrete. Tell him that you are unhappy and that you have decided it is best for both of you to part ways. Invite him to work with you on this to make it as smooth as possible.
You are likely to find that even the cleanest, smoothest divorce is still painful--so don't be surprised if you have feelings of relief mixed with anger and fear. You might want to invest in some counseling for yourself during the transition if you find it difficult.
Finally, and trust me on this, don't get into a new relationship right away. Give yourself some healing time. The biggest relationship mistakes I have ever seen people make involve rebound relationships.
2006-12-19 22:33:58 · answer #3 · answered by Helen W. 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is no best way. Bottom line. I am divorced (his choice, not mine). As the recipient of that news there was no best way to hear it! So, how to tell? Be up front, don't sneak around. There's no good time but during a fight it's really not a good time because they don't necessarily take it seriously...they think it's just something to say to manipulate the fight in your own favor. I suppose the most effective way is to just tell them that you really need to have a serious talk about your marriage and let them choose the time for it. If they don't then you can just tell them that procrastinating isn't going to change the fact that the marriage isn't working for you and if they don't want to talk then you'll just have to take the necessary steps for them to take you seriously. Then file the paperwork. After the paperwork is filed, tell them that you filed for a divorce and that they need to move out of the home by such and such date. Also, let them know they are going to be served with the divorce papers sometime in (whatever month you do it)...
Good luck and much sympathy because I don't care what side of the divorce you're on, it's a painful process for everyone. Both of our extended families were intensely affected and there is no way to get out of a marriage without a lot of pain for you as well as him.
Please, just don't be hateful and spiteful (even when he is, because he'll strike out at you in many ways to get back at you), you'll love yourself and your freedom a lot more if you stay sweet.
2006-12-19 22:21:30 · answer #4 · answered by minimickimichelle 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Best advise is find a really good lawyer before you say anything. Have a good idea what you're in for, then just sit and talk it over with him. It may be easier if you approach it from a point of "you can't be happy with things the way they are ..."
because it doesn't matter if your parents gave you anything ... in divorce everything can become a matter of splitting except for the items in your name (usually).. which you get to keep along with the loans for that item. But everything can be debated and argued over. My brother just went thru a nasty on and got left with sh.t because his lawyer wasn't good for much but "sign here". My parents gave them a big break on the house as part of early inheritance to my and it didn't matter (though the lawyer said it would). Also any retirement plans come into play as well, money earned on them during the marriage gets split (never knew that either since it's a contribution to own account from working but the law says divide it)
good luck, and I hope you find your happiness
2006-12-19 22:20:02 · answer #5 · answered by Chele 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Counseling can be a very good way for both parties to come to an end as amicably as possible. A third party can get the two parties to come to the realization on both sides that neither wants to continue.
I'm not medical practitioner but I think I have read in more than one place that many times a partner can lose physical and emotional attraction due to medical reasons. You might want to check with your medical practitioner to make sure your decision is based on reality not something medical.
2006-12-19 22:20:58 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take your truck and take your trailer sell the house and be gone that's if he has a job if he does not have a job draw up your own divorce papers have him sign them and tell him I'll see you when I see you holla when I holla If he has a job he can have which ever one you don't want the house or the trailer or which ever one you don't owe any money on You are wasting your time and life with this man if you don't love him you have no kids girl please get in the wind you have nothing holding you to this man
2006-12-19 22:25:04 · answer #7 · answered by sun4u 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A few rocky months in a fourteen year marriage is not a reason to give up. If you still have any love for this man, be direct and let him know what you are feeling. Find a way to discover if there is a marriage worth salvaging.
If you are sure there is no hope, decide what is more important to you, your possessions or your freedom. Good luck to you.
2006-12-19 22:14:46 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
With no kids, it's a lot easier than most. Just tell him and split the assets. Sell the house and split it. don't agree for one of you to sign the house over without a new loan, too many people get in trouble this way as it doesn't take your name off the loan. I'm sure you don't want two vehicles, so offer to sell his to him and him get a loan in his name or sell it out right.
2006-12-19 22:10:49 · answer #9 · answered by dana j 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There really is no best way to ask for a divorce.
The only real way to get what you want is by directly telling him that you are divorcing him.
It's truly not a matter of asking and I am not trying to be snide or anything. It is something you have decided you want and there is no kind way to say it, so just be direct and move on from there.
2006-12-19 22:14:45 · answer #10 · answered by yeller 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋