I need an average to "strict" adult to answer this*it's a long one,won't fit in one section* Any takers?

Question

If you were principle at a HS and caught a student barely breaking dresscode *shirt a tiny bit shorter in front, caused by the fact that kid didn't have a concave chest* you reprimand the student harshly dispite the fact you've never met her and don't know her record *which is bad, but either way* The student complies, only to have her shirt work it's way back up that tiny bit, unbeknownst to her. You call the student off to the side and start using the harshest words that are legal to the student, who is scared because she doesn't need a bad rep at this new school she's been attending for less than a week. She's appologizing, honestly she is, but somehow her "I'm sorry"s come across as "F*ck you"s. The girl is yelled at again on her way out, as though she had pulled the shirt up of her own free will.
Later that day, the same girl curses and is sent to the office for it. Instead of dealing with it, you call her parents and don't say a word to her, even when she speaks to you...read on

Because this girl has no idea what's going on, she scared and her fight/flight instinct is kicking in to where she wants to run, but that'd cause more problems and she knows it. Playing dead is not an option with her, she just can't even if she would have wanted to. This anxiety brings on a panic attack, which gets her that bad rep because the screaming in aggrivation is taken as missbehavior, even though at the start of it she was trying to tell someone that this was going to happen because an idiot psychiatrist had yanked her meds just days before. You just go about with your bussiness, which includes discussing the lunch menue in front of her. Once she really hits the point where only a VERY pawerful sedative could help her, she blacks out, next thing she knows she's in a hospital bed being told she's been expelled and that she'd attempted suicide because of it. There's a good 12hour chunk she has no recolection of.
Do you feel guilty?

As an add on, a year and a half later she realises that this day was the turning point where her life went to hell. *you try making friends in a new place when you're not in school and don't have any job experience, therefore not even Hardees want you on their staff* It was a revelation that eased it's way into her mind even as the events took place *we're not even going to go there* Let's put you in the mother's possition now. Your daughter has had huge problems with trust because of some stuff that's gone down with her "friends" and because you see that she doesn't trust you, you decide it's time to come clean that she wasn't expelled, you had withdrawn her from the school. What's not wrong is that you thought it was the right thing to do at the time. What's wrong is what it's caused.
Do you admit that you made a misguided mistake, not only in withdrawing her, but in lying for all this time, as you have killed her concept of trust?

I feed off trauma simply because I ask for an opinion here and that I suffer from chronic depression, a problem that started long before I started "acting out" at school? I deserved the treatment from that principal and the lies from my parents because I'm crazy? Didn't I meantion that the "fact" of the attempted suicide is highly debatable because I don't remember it and my parents see it as a blessing that I jumped out of the car and can't remember what it is that happened?
Let's beat you for about an hour with a baseball bat and when you cry "it hurts" in an attempt to make us stop, we're just gonna tell you that you feed on trauma and you're an attention whore because over a year after the incident you finally feel secure enough in the fact that you were indeed wrong to ask the opinion of an adult other than your parents who are obviously warped for not deffending you in any way.

I never got the chance to lay low at this new school, they singled me out and took me down on the FOURTH day of the year the first and only year that I attended. I'm an airforce brat, I know how to start at a new school, I've been to 5 others due to moving around so much. It's a redneck town where anyone different is persecuted, seriously. You don't know how many bad comments I getabout my nose ring and labret stud and big holes, let along the one I like to show off for the reaction *it's my toungue web, to anyone thinking bad thoughts* I dressed and looked different than the preps and rednecks they were used to. You want to know why there were almost only preps and rednecks *and I guess jocks, too*? They weeded the rest of us out. That's not a pissed off teen talking, that's an observation made by someone with their eyes open, same as saying someone's hair is long or their skin is dark.

Answer 1

i dont know why your pissed ?go to school tommorrow and rebell even more !I'm positve something u want will come out of it !You have to remember that the suits will control the world untill the day of the exiles rise!But when your beauty shows thru to more people on a daily basis you are making history because whatever you do is classic you !!!!!Now whatever you do to make you stand out is up to you know!much love and respect from the abandoned one [e-mail] Stay your course no matter who stands against you!

Answer 2

All that needs to be said is this, YOU and YOU alone are the source and solution to ALL of your problems.

Others do not go through what you do not because they are lucky or privileged or anything like that, they don't because they don't bring pain and misery on themselves. You sound to me like someone who feeds on trauma. You were obviously traumatized in some manner as a younger child. The fact that you cant get over this trauma is the source of your problems not your principal/mother.
Until you learn to stop wallowing in self pity and become honest with yourself you will never be happy and you will keep encountering all these people that you interpret as trying to destroy you. Seriously, no one just goes around being mean to others for no particular reason. Your life did not go to hell because your principal yelled at you about a shirt and you got a bad rep. PLEASE! Give me a break. You use this as a way to make excuses for your anti-social behavior and failures in life. Believe me Hardees doesn't know your rep, that's not why you didn't get the job, you didn't get it because you failed in the interview to come across as a hard working person. Again, YOU are bringing this on yourself and are likely completely misinterpreting the situation. You after all are the one on psych meds not your principal.

Answer 3

Well, first off, I think that any parent would stand up to the principal and fight the mistreatment and chastizing of their daughter over something that could not be helped.

Now, with that being said, I would think that the girl would have the sense to buy a shirt that wouldn't ride up on her, causing her to violate dress code. I know how all of my clothing fits, and I also know what to wear to fit a dress code, and what to save for my leisure time.

Who is at fault? Both. But it is going to be the principal's word against the student's, so I don't know who will win. But best to lay low at a new school, and not to talk back at all. One can speak something, and depending on how it comes out or when, it can mean very different things. I think a more appropriate response to being called in for the shirt would have been to call mom or dad and have them bring a different shirt. I think that showing the principal willingness to correct the situation would have gone a lot further than apologizing.

But I can only respond on what is given. There is always 3 sides to every story: yours, theirs, and the truth. I think we got yours, and that was it.

Answer 4

School is hard, but I beg of you, please do not make the same mistake I did and drop out, because the only person that that will hurt in the end is yourself. Once school is over, it doesn't matter anymore, once you become an adult, you can look back on those teachers, & theres 2 different ways you can look back on them, 1 is I can't believe that I allowed those lame ducks to irk me into dropping out of school and ruining my life, I can't believe I'm stuck at a minimum wage job for the rest of my life because of those @$$holes, or 2 is, They were a bunch of LAMOS< but thank GOD I made something out of my life and now have gotten myself to a place where I am able to take appropriate legal action if any LAMO teacher treats my kids the way the teachers I had treated me!!!! Point of the story stay in school, When you feel like saying **** YOU, just THANK YOU, and know what you mean yourself.

Answer 5

I suppose that I qualify as 20 years as a HS and college coach with military background.

At your age you are learning conflict resolution skills and dealing with TREMENDOUS PEER pressure at the same time. You may feel like it is a TOTAL LOOSE situation for you because you either "P*** Off" the authority figure or your peer group.

HS administrators are under HUGE pressure because so many kids press the envelope with dress and other issues. You know the "Banger" dress with their skivvies hanging out or an exposed thong, you know the drill.

The solution is probably to realize that you need blouses that stay tucked in to compensate for your development.

Even after a short time at the school if you are hanging with a group that pushes authority then you will be ASSUMED to be the same. In most schools the administrators just do NOT have time to get to know every student and have to make generalities to maintain order.

It is alos a given in management that you start HARD and then lighten up. I think this administrator may have just been a bit hard unless you are blowing smoke for sympathy.

YOU are the ONLY one that knows if you deserve waht you got; the cursing didn't help your case much either so CHILL on that aspect of your vocabulary. The minute you resort to cursing with people of authority in school, you IMMEDIATELY loose credibility. You are CHALLANGING their AUTHORITY and that is NOT GOOD.

Talk to your parent's HONESTLY with NO BS or exaggeration and stick to the facts.

The fact that your top pulls out didn't just happen overnight and I think that you know that so it is NOT an excuse; get tops that stay IN.

Next establish a relationship of TRUST and HONESTY with your parents; yea they are old and don't understand, but they are doing the BEST for you that they can. If you have established TRUST with them you will have a TREMENDOUS SUPPORT GROUP. They will unconditionally BACK YOU UP when you establish that TRUST!

They just are NOT going to bat for you if you have "BSED" them in the past.

My kids are all in their 30's and it was a different time when they were in school, that is a given. I always told them, "You tell me the complete truth and we will work it out. If you LIE to me your punishment is going to be HELL.

When my son was in 5th grade he had a speech problem (he was a BIG strong boy). Well he slugged a speech therapist so hard in the stomach that she fell down in a fit. I guess that you can imagine that MESS.

I was called to the office from work and the principal started in on me about my son and wasn't very nice. I just held up my hand and said, "STOP"! I am going to take my son into the hall and when we are finished we will all sit down and resolve this".

Becaue of the relationship I had with my son he told me the Sun rose in the west, I would have believed him. He told me that she had insisted that he do something stupid and I agreed. Then she yelled at him and called him an IDIOT" while she poked him in the chest with her finger and that was when he slugged her. He said, "It was wrong because i know that I should never hit a woman, but my frustration got the best of me and I was WRONG. I will write her a letter of apology, but I will NOT go back to her".

We went back in and the principal started with psycological treatment and was loosing it himself.

His name was Richard and I had a bit of a reputation for holding teachers accountable (we had been in the same system the whole time).

I just said, "Hold it "DICK"! (parents can get away with that and I knew it), "I know what happened and it is not as bad as you may think. My son was NOT correct in doing what he did and suggested that her write a letter of apology. He also told me that he will NOT go back to her, probably best for everyone. I might also suggest that you take a close look at what happened; you might be surprised at what you find. I think this meeting is over now and you will have your letter in the morning; I assume that there is NO suspension involved"? He just nodded and the meeting was finished.

Just tell your parents what happened and if you did actually pull it out then admit your error and LEARN from it.

PARENTS will WATCH YOUR BACK, but they are NOT going to run full speed ahead down a dark path with a TON of low branches; it hurts!! Just give them the flashlight of truth and you will be fine.

HEY, GOOD LUCK in your new school, pick good friends and have FUN. I moved 22 times in 11 years and went to three different schools in 9th grade so I know how TOUGH it is. I just get the feeling that you are up to it though.

J

Answer 6

whoa - i'm sorry for her AND you - good luck

and, no, i would not "feel" guilty - - just concerned.

she needs a different kind of school - i think