What should I do? I need some help!?

Question

Okay. So my husband and I recently got married after we have dated for many years. Things had been a little rough between us before the wedding, but I just blamed it on the stress from me going to school, work and planning a wedding. Well, after the wedding the problems persisted. Basically I feel a definite lack in our emotional (and physical) relationship and have voiced my opinion many times.

Well, a few weekends ago, we got into a fight and I did say some hurtful things. I ended up on one side of a door getting ready to shut it and he kicked it into my face. Then, I proceeded to run away from him, but he just kept chasing me. It was only when I managed to grab something and wind up like I was going to hit him did he stop. I ended up with a black eye and basically have hardly talked to him since.

I thought I'd grasp a better understanding of what I should do after time, but it's been a few weeks. The scary thing is that I don't know how to move forward . . .

Answer 1

Your husband has serious anger management issues. He needs to get help or you need to leave!

Answer 2

First off, the both of you are fighting over something STUPID. please stop before it gets worse! and the last thing you want to do is to end up being physical about it. It sounds like your black eye was an accident, something he literally didn't mean to do, but did by kicking the door into your face. He still shouldn't have done that. Sometimes when were angry, we do & say things we really don't mean. But to prevent it from escalating to a bigger problem, it's best to sit down, talk about it & be civilized. If you have voiced your opinion many times & he's not doing his part to meet you half way than you really need to do something to make him see that you are serious when you voice your opinions, because oviously HE'S NOT GETTING IT no matter what you say, am i right? well, i guess it's time to move on to the next level. Communication is always good, again! over & over & over. Maybe he's just stubborn. Whatever you do, don't give up, marriage ain't easy. This is just another obstacle for you two to go through, as long as you both try to communicate & respect eachother, you will see that you were able to pull through this as a team. Remind yourself why you married him in the first place, he needs to be reminded also. I hope that seeing you upset can make him realize the fight you both had was not worth it. My best advice is, no matter what, just KEEP MOVING FORWARD, don't lose hope, do what you have to do, but in marriage, NEVER GIVE UP.

Answer 3

The first year of marriage is the toughest. My husband and I have been married for a year and a half now and things are a ton better but there were times when I was shocked that we hadn't killed each other yet. For us what it came down to was communication and understanding. There were underlying problems in our relationship that we weren't addressing and instead we wear at each others throats about stupid little things. You and your husband need to establish an open line of communication. Be careful with your words to ensure that you don't put each other on the defensive. You both need to know that you can talk to the other and be heard without being shut down. You also need to make sure you are telling each other how much you love one another and always keep in mind the reasons you love each other. You have to make the first move and start playing the part in the marriage you imagine, he'll follow along.

Good luck and God bless!

Answer 4

If it's been a few weeks, it's been long enough for things to cool down. It's time you two sat down alone and talked. A marriage counselor might be good to go to as well. If you know you said hurtful things, now is a good time to tell your husband you didn't mean the things you said. We're all human and it's not out the norm to hold things in. When the communication is off, things tend to get bad. But anyhow you look at it, you two need to talk, and soon if you want to resolve anything. If you wait too long, he may believe you don't care. Good luck to you.

Answer 5

This should be one of the happiest times of your life !
Do you have a safe place you can go with no outside influences so you can collect yourself ?
Has he ever mentally or physically been abusive prior to the wedding ?
He needs to go to anger management.
Speak to the person that preformed your wedding for some guidance.
Best of luck ! You deserve better, You have to love yourself enough to know you deserve better.

Answer 6

I don't blame you for feeling scared. Even though many years have past I remember one time hubby raised his hand to me, he did not hit me. He stopped and was ashamed even afraid to talk to me, I went to our room crying because I was afraid and didn't know what to do. Fortunately I had a wonderful pastor back then, who took the role of marriage counselor for me. Find someone similar to talk too.

PS: Hubby is to this day the most perfect husband I could ever hope for. I've invested years in training him!

Peace :)

Answer 7

I would seek either joint or single (if he won't go) counseling. I was in a similar situation, but we managed to talk about things many times and both agree to try and it's gotten a lot better.

If you think that can happen to you, maybe you can skip the counseling, but I would say that is the preferred option.

Answer 8

both of you needs help with anger management. Mariage is a hard working process. flying off the handlw is not the way to go.

Answer 9

u knew what u were getting into b 4 u married him so u know the person,u shouldnt b mean and say hurtful things to someone u love consequences always happen good or bad.

Answer 10

Stay separately for about 6 months so that you can decide on your future plans. If you live with him and forgive what he has done to you then he will continue doing it to you. It is your choice.