whenever my bf and i fight about what his exwife and i start to "win" he allways says things like i'm a divorced dad if you can't accept it we need to brake-up or i can't take you any more i'm leaving you.He then ether leaves or goes to anouther part of the house and will not talk to me for the rest of the day.i think he knows this will shut me up and make me drop the subject.His exwife uses their daughter like bait to get what she wants and my bf allways falls for it.Why will he never listen to me about this and shuts me out when i make a point that makes sense and he can't disagree on?
2006-12-19 13:27:25 · 12 answers · asked by tammyhekhyu089 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
UP the ante and call his bluff, i.e , suggest saying something like " If you can't give me the respect and decency to discuss our issues through then you might as well leave because by avoiding me you demonstrate to me that you don't care enough about 'our' relationship!" At least then you'll know if he really does want to be with you, if he engages yes, if he sulks and disappears then no.
2006-12-19 14:54:00 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
It may be that he doesn't want to discuss the issues around his daughter or that he could be aware of what's going on but not know how to handle it and is taking his frustation out on you. You can't make him listen by arguing. Try to mention something and if you feel the tension building up leave it alone until another time. Let him know that you knew when you got with him that his a divorced dad. You accepted him and he does have to bring up that issue anymore. Tell him that you want to talk like reasonable adults. If his ex wife has custody, she may be threatening him with raising child support payments or even not allowing him to see the child. He may be very well trying to keep down confusion. He probably doesn't want to go through this anymore than you do. How long were they separated before you got with him? He may still feel some emotional ties.
2006-12-19 21:40:25 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Your baby is your baby for life, so I am sure that your BF is torn because of his daughter. I don't know all the situations that the two of you are involved in but my guess would be that he needs your support when his ex acts like a B**** and uses his daughter. It puts him in a very bad situation. But whne push comes to shove I am telling you if you care about this guy BACK OFF. You are not going to win over his daughter. He'll leave you. No decent parent would ever pick another person over their child. He sounds like a decent guy. Let it go, try not to give your opinions on his personal affairs. Just lend a supportive ear. If he asks for your opinion where his daughter is concerned give it, gingerly. Remember that little girl is going to have his heart for the rest of his life. When you have children you'll understand that unbreakable bond.
2006-12-19 21:41:43 · answer #3 · answered by what do you think? 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
The fact that you fight with the intention to win, suggests you have a bit of soul searching to do. I think men in general close up when they are in a situation they can't easily deal with. They need time to think, to find a solution. A counselor or pastor would be most beneficial to both of you. Relationships are worth every ounce of work you have to put into them.
Peace :)
2006-12-19 21:39:41 · answer #4 · answered by rezany 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Your boyfriend has control issues and you allow him to do it.
In life you're treated the way you expect to be treated.
I would suggest you get a few sessions with a therapist to learn how to stand up for yourself.
This relationship maybe toxic for you.
2006-12-19 21:42:00 · answer #5 · answered by daljack -a girl 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Take What Do You Think's advice, that's the best answer i have seen in a while!!! give her the 10 points also!!!
2006-12-19 21:52:21 · answer #6 · answered by jasvcent14 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
next time just tell him thats over and he is with you and doesnt need to drag the past into it. That will shock him. Dont let him just use that and walk away. Get er dun!
2006-12-19 21:31:56 · answer #7 · answered by wingedladyk 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
sounds like a jerk. you need to ask yourself if you can live the rest of your life like this. you know his exwife isn't going anywhere b/c of the kid. can you deal with that? he would have to be petty great in all other areas for me to deal with that.
2006-12-19 21:38:20 · answer #8 · answered by renee 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
leave him, you will get someone better.
His hands are tied to his ex wife and kid and has no time and patience and money for you.
In a fight, nobody wins.
2006-12-19 21:38:40 · answer #9 · answered by ricodzeus 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Call his bluff. Next time he says that, break up with him.
2006-12-19 21:34:08 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋