I am having an affair with my manager. He's married and has a little boy with his wife?

Question

He's been with her for 10 years (married approx 4) little boy is 18 months.

He said he would leave his family to be with me if i wanted him to. He says he doesnt love his wife like you should when you marry someone and he says he knows they wont last either way. He says he didnt want to have a baby with her. He says he loves me and I don't know what happened to my conscience??? how did this happen???? I cant leave my job! i told him i won't sleep with him anymore... We have slept together at my place 4 times and he has taken time off work to see me and bought me things...

this isn't really a question i just have to let it out, I feel terrible and I never thought I'd be this kind of person...

can't explain how i feel.... I know its doomed and its my own stupid fault!!!

i just had to say something.

thanks WebChick ..

I'm going to tell him that right now

and thanks jennifer

both of you have just confirmed what i also believe and know is true

I just have no one else to talk to and I really appreciate your answers ...

Answer 1

Then end the affair, because if you don't and his wife finds out, it would destroy his marriage and do you want that on your concience?

Answer 2

Let it go, sweetheart. This guy is pure scum and you deserve MUCH better. He won't leave and even if he did, what will he do when he's with you? Same thing. And do you really want to deal with an ex and her kid who have been cheated on? Baaaaad scene.

This is a really ugly situation all the way around and if you stay in it, your own sense of integrity and self-worth will be severely damaged. The sex can't be THAT good.

Dump his butt cold and then take yourself out for a really nice dinner to celebrate. If he persists, report him to his boss or your company's HR department. I promise that once you get away from it for a couple weeks, you'll wonder how you ever got in it in the first place. Good luck!

Answer 3

You fell for one of the oldest lines in the book. Many women do, your not the first and you won't be the last.

Okay you realize you have man a mistake. Stop your behavior, learn from your mistake, and never do this again. Your not perfect, no one is, but you can stop yourself from doing things like this again. I'm not a believer in "once a cheater, always a cheater". If you learn from this you could live the rest of your life a decently.

You may want to look for a different job. I know you said you can't but when he realizes you are serious about no longer being his lover things may get ugly.

Answer 4

You've got that right Honey! Never get with a married man or your boss, never one can end good. From what you wrote it sounds like he says a lot things he thinks you want to hear. Remember Honey, if he'll do with you, he'll do it to you. People who step out on their married partners are some of the lowest snakes around. It' sounds like your conscience is trying to work for you, you just need to listen to it. If he is unhappy then he needs to leave his wife, set up child support for his child and time to see him, then if he wants to see someone else let him, but right now he's being a dog and you're going to get his fleas. Run don't walk to the nearest exit!

Answer 5

well you're right it is your own stupid fault!!!,it's never good to get involved with a married man,no matter who it is,you've backed yourself against the wall,because you say you can't leave your job. men have a way of working on you,they will say and do anything when they want sex from you,but you have to be strong enough to say no,how would you like it ,if your husband did that to you? I've been there and it's not a good feeling,of course he buys you things and takes off work to see you, he's has his cake and eating it too,you can forget it he will never leave his wife for you,they never leave their wife,end it with him for good
you sound like you're scared you might lose your job,or maybe you thought of leaving because of him,look for another job and quit that's the only thing you can do at this point

Answer 6

Calm down. first of all if you get involved with someone at work it can always turn out ugly, but this here is a real mess.
Now, you cannot leave your work, you said. why not? Try and find employment elsewhere, get your resume together, get it posted on-line, who knows, maybe this crisis is an opportunity in disguise. It could be that he will divorce his wife anyway and it has nothing to do with you, but why get involved in this very messy situation?
Tell him that you need some time to think things over, stop sleeping with the guy, buy some time for yourself, do not accept anymore gifts from him at all, and try to find a new job, remove yourself from this situation completely and cut all ties with him.
If down the road he does file for divorce and gets out of his marriage legally, then u can see if you and this guy are meant to be. sometimes these things do work out. But for now, you have to make sure you stop this affair, he may just be using you,
Be strong, good luck.

Answer 7

Get another job--go to another branch--just get the hell away from him. You aren't trying to hurt his wife and child but you are.
He will lie to you to get what he wants from you--he is probably just bored with his wife. Do you know if you are the first one he has had an affair with? Think about how much he is hurting his wife and child. This is not a good man--
Go out with some friends, do activities to keep you busy---lie to him, tell him that you just realized that he is really creepy for what he is doing to his wife. Tell him you are going to church and speaking with a bishop---anything to get him away from you for awhile.
Imagine that you are his wife--how shocked and hurt would you be? Has she seen you at the job? Maybe you could see her with her son--that may help bring on some anger towards this man who has taken advantage of you and of his position over you.
You sound like a good person--You are Gods child and beloved by Him

Answer 8

since your guilt is telling you that you are doing to his wife what you would never want someone to do to you...take the next step and call it off.

If he is going to leave his family, it should be because of reasons that don't include you. IF he does leave, and you still feel he won't do the same to you should you decide on having a relationship with him, then he will be free and you could pursue.

The key here is only pursuing a relationship with someone who is free to have one. This guy isn't. And until he is, you deserve better than being a mistress.

Answer 9

If he really don't love his wife anymore, he should have divorce his wife long ago. He shouldn't have tell you so much rubbish. Don't believe everything he said. He just said it but will not do it. Man like him is a Jerk, only innocent woman like you believe him. He do it to his wife, and he will do it to you too. Maybe few years later, got tired of you and will tell other woman the same that he didn't love you anymore. Stop having sex with this kind of man, he just want sex, not truly love you. If you want to suffer, then carry on breaking other woman heart...., the most innocent one is his wife.

Answer 10

It's really bad to have an affair with a married person. Nothing at all good can come out of it. Eventually this woman will find out & then the bad will start happening. The man has a baby with this woman. He is not very responsible at all. I would certainly never see him again & NEVER EVER get involved with a married man. THAT IS TERRIBLE!

Answer 11

My dear, he is only telling you these things to get what he wants and that's sex. If noone has never told you these things are what married men (and some women) say to get sex. If he was so unhappy with his wife and blah, blah, blah then why in the hell is he still with her? Did his wife pull a gun out on him and told him to stay? If so, then he should take a warrant out on her. He is feeding you garbage about his marriage and you are eating it. To be honest with you, he has accomplished exactly what he wanted and that was to have sex with you. So.... what should you do now because you feel so bad? Leave him alone. You wouldn't like it if you were married and someone slept with your husband.

P.S. He is a sorry man to be talking about his wife to you in that way. If he leave his wife for you, he will do you the same way plus you will be more miserable. Most men (and women) who cheats on their spouse has no plans on leaving them and especially if they can have their cake and eat it to.