Do I go through with the divorce?

Question

My husband and I have been seperated for almost three years. Alot of very hurtful things have happened between the two of us when we were together and when we were not. We have children together and he is not involved in their lives physically but he calls me all the time and we talk like great friends, most of the time. I filed for divorce, and the papers were delivered to him today. He said so many things which have made me second guess myself and this divorce. How long do I wait for him to grow up? I love him but I don't know if that is enough. Thanks for the advice

Answer 1

Sorry to say this, but some men never do grow up. And if he wanted to make things work, he would have tried before, not waited 3 years to say things for you to second guess yourself.

Could be that he isn't ready to be a man and take responsibility, but he doesn't want you to move forward with your life either.

And if he is not involved in your childrens lives physically, then I would say, let him go.

You can love him, and he can love you, but are you really IN LOVE with him? And if he were IN LOVE with you, would he have put you through what he did?

Only you can know what is in your heart, and what is best for you and your children.

Merry Christmas, and best of luck to you!

Answer 2

First things first. If you wait for him to "grow up" you'll be waiting a while! You have to look at the "whole" picture. You talk about how a lot of hurtful things have happened before and after the separation. Just because he talks like 'great friends' does not make a good husband. You say he's not involved with the children, that right there is grounds enough (for me, personally).
Once you make up YOUR mind, go through with it. I can't tell you (nor can anyone else) what you should do, remember it'll be YOU that has to live with the consequences (as well will he for being a jerk off!). Once bit of advice, don't stay for the kids. It never works out, they're smarter than that. And once he's been served, you may see his true colors come out even more. I say, "Run, run and don't look back!"

Answer 3

It is definitley hard to cut the strings so to say. At times I think I still feel a soft spot for my ex but then the reasons why he is an "ex" brings me back to reality. I can still love him as a person and a father to my kids but we just couldnt make it as a couple. I definitley think we are better as parents to our 4 kids and better as friends than we were husband and wife. I stayed in a marriage that I knew wasnt right after 6 months and I gave up waiting for him to change 10 years later. After we divorced it was the eyeopener he needed and in some of the ways,he has become a better person out of it but even now we still couldnt possibly get along as husband and wife. If you have children with this man why isnt he involved with them for one?...that confuses me there. There were obviously reasons that you split up with him and you say it has been 3 years...you cant put your life on hold forever waiting for something that might not happen. I dont have an answer to this ..love is a difficult thing and when children are involved you definitely feel more of an obligation to make things work. I really hope things work out for you and only you can answer the divorce question but as I mentioned if he hasnt made a change in 3 years of separation will he ever do so? Good luck

Answer 4

because you're transforming into to be a divorce it quite is a robust thought to place distance and time between you and your ex. focus on your challenge and not on the divorce through fact what you're doing is substantial and ought to have all your interest. some issues take place for a reason. My motto is 'whilst one door closes yet another one opens" and that i'm conversing from adventure. draw close in there, and we are all so happy with the sacrifice which you all are making for our united states of america.

Answer 5

You must understand that you have been separated for 3 years and there must be a great variety of reasons for this. Why is he not involved in his children's lives?
It seems that you must be resolute and move on, if you think there is a chance to fix this marriage then you must understand that you are taking the good with the bad, he has to move back in with you, be a proper husband and father, support his family and behave with love respect and loyalty towards you,
Be strong, good luck.

Answer 6

I have no advice on this one.

Do what is right for you.

Does he support you and the children financially?

I think 3 years is plenty of time for the both of you to make a decision. You should be out there looking for someone else before your life does go by you.
And it would be better for you to be divorce before moving in with someone else. Otherwise...he will use it against you in court when you decide to divorce him.

Answer 7

Whatever you do just remember there is a reason that you separated - sometimes we get caught up in what could have been or what should have been and forget about what really was. You need to take care of you and the kids. That part of your life you can control. If you believe he has not grown up yet, don't wait - it may never happen. Good luck!

Answer 8

if you have been seperated for almost 3 yrs, love only goes so far, get the divorce and get on with your life he is not any kind of father not to be involved with his children so why would you want him around.

Answer 9

You have already wasted enough time. U know what the right answer is already but its hard to do it. U know what to do. Go thru with the divorce and find someone that treats u and ur children well.

Answer 10

I you trying to move on with your life in the mean time?? If still being married to him and giving him time in the hopes that he will grow is holding you back then you need to move forward with the divorce. If not then what is it hurting?