What will happen if I do not end my affair?

Question

I have been having an affair with a married man for a year. This man contacted me after 15 years. We had a fling in college. I have never had an affair and it has been difficult to deal with. 8 years ago he had one affair and 2 years ago he had 2 threesomes with his male friend and his friend's mistress(no longer together). His wife just had a baby and now wants to be just friends. He will not see me because of the temptation. We really are good friends and not just lovers. I do not want to judge him and, although he may not be telling me everything, I appreciate his honesty about his affairs. He calls me almost everyday and we email but refuses to see me although we live close to eachother. What do you think is up with this man? If you have had a similar experience what did you do? Is this guy trustworthy? I am married with children as well and I am contemplating walking away, even from the friendship. I AM LOOKING FOR HELP, NOT PUT-DOWNS OR NAME-CALLING. dont judge.THKx

This affair has been going on for a year and although I am contemplating walking away, I find it very hard to do. I don't want to suffer. I am not "in love" with him but I know I will miss him terribly and I don't know how to deal with it.

Answer 1

I'm not judging your or going to call you names. But I don't think you need to continue on in the position you are in not just for your sake or his but for your kids sake. If you do not end the affair you know that your marriage can and more then likely will end, your kids will have developed opinions about you regarding why mommy and daddy are no longer together. If a man or woman is married odds are very strong they will not divorce their current spouse for the new "fling" and if they do more then likely the fling will be flung when he finds someone else. Put an end to it now including the friendship. His wife just had a baby how could you deprive a newborn child of his father or your children of their mother and father raising them together. If you are unhappy in your marriage get a divorce but do not do it over some man that will not be there a year from now.

I was on one occassion the other woman. This man was mr.wonderful and when I found out he was married I was hurt not only for the lies, but by the fact I knew if his wife found out she'd take the kids and leave and I dont think I could have lived with myself knowing that I was the cause of it. I am now married and this man still contacts me through email and I never respond, I suggest you do the same thing.

Answer 2

Why do you want to leave your husband? Look at the life your friend is leading. He already had other affairs that you are aware of. He most likely will not change. However, I haven't read anything that you have mentioned that your husband did wrong. I have not had similar experiences because I believe that we are adults. And as adults, I see no reason to cheat or have affairs. When you married, you stated for better or worse. What happened to those vows? We have to see things that come our way as a test. They are test to see if we can make it to the next step. Your test was when this guy came back into your life would you be vunerable enough to fall for him. Men very seldom leave their wives, especially if they have children, for the other woman. He hasn't just had another woman, but other women. Are you going to walk away from your children? Does this guy mean that much that you would give up everything for him? Although you stated that you were considering walking away, why away from your family. Why break up your home? Consider this a mistake and move on with your life.

Answer 3

What will happen? How about if his wife finds out they will get a divorce. And also if your having an affair, and your married and your husband finds out, you could pretty much kiss your marriage goodbye. WHY on earth did you think you had to go outside of your marriage? I don't mean to sound like I'm judging, but there is a part of the wedding vows that says FORSAKING ALL OTHERS!!! Meaning that you would be faithful ONLY to your husband, aka. NO SEX OUTSIDE OF MARRIAGE!!! You need help, if the guys is having an affair behind his wife's back he's NOT trustworthy and honestly to me your not either.

I suggest that you ask God for forgiveness and tell your husband. Because there is a chance that your marriage doesn't have to end in divorce.

Answer 4

Walk away from it and don't look back (meaning don't accept his phone calls and consider blocking his emails). You will get over him quicker this way. It will not be easy at first for everything takes time. Your first question was "what do you think is up with this guy? Well, he is married and probably trying to distant himself from you. He probably decided to work things out with his wife and end the affair. To be honest, that's what people do when they want to end an affair and make things right with their spouse. Your next question was "is this guy trustworthy"? Come on now, he cheated on his wife, would you trust him if you was his wife and he cheated on you? The answer is no babe, he is not trustworthy at least not to you. As far as comtemplating about walking away, you shouldn't have to think about it because you said you are married yourself. Are you lacking something from your husband? Think about how your children would feel if they find out you had an affair with someone else. How would you feel if your spouse decided to step out? Think about your family and what you have to lose if you continue this affair.

Answer 5

Well when you put up a question like this you have to expect people to judge you because cheating is wrong, PERIOD! This man is probably trying to work on his marriage and therefor he knows seeing you is a big no no!

How would YOU feel if your husband was cheating on you? What you are doing is unfair to your husband, your kids, your lovers wife and kids as well..

Even if you both left your mates for each other, the chances of one or both of you having afairs are pretty high and as far as being friends? You cannot be friends with someone you had an affair with..Sorry but that is just dumb!

Answer 6

What will happen? Either your husband or his wife will find out.
They wil get hurt, you n the married man will get hurt. The kids will get hurt. You or the married man may or may not get to choose whether to stay with your family or with each other. If you choose each other statistics says that you will probably end up in divorce too.

Since you have an affair, there is no such thing as staying as just friends. Its have to be a clean and complete break. Find out what's missing from your own marriage and fix it.
Have nothing to do with that married man ever again. Pray hard that your spouse will never find out or confess to them and hope they can forgive you and work on the marriage with you.

Answer 7

You are both married to other people and have children, walk away the children are the ones that get hurt when adults cannot control their impulses, what type of friendship do you have with this man? i do not see it, how can you appreciate his honesty about his other affairs you are not his wife he cheats on her not you, you cheat on your husband. Sorry but you are headed for disaster and 2 broken homes is no achievement for anyone do not take his phone calls anymore or emails, i am not judging you or him we are all only human.

Answer 8

In the first place you must have little self respect to have an affair with a married man, or you must really be desperate.

End the daily contact, as long as you have any form of communication you are still having an affair. An affair is an affair whether its emotional or physical or both.

Answer 9

You will suffer even with him or without him, right? Why suffer because of this kind of man? Since he is not faithfull to his wife and he been having previous affair..., what is so great about him?? Is it there is no more man in this world? Since you are married, why risk your happiness for such a man? The more you want to end your affair, the more you thought or feel you love him. Maybe you could take a peaceful day and think carefully, what so great about this man, that you willing to let go your marriage for this kind of man?? Are you sure he will faithfull to you forever??? No one can tell you what to do, but I hope you will consider to end this affair before you regret.....

Answer 10

I think it would be best for you to end this affair. He is not a stable man as he has mentioned to you that he has had previous affairs. If he wanted to be with then he would end his relationship. If your relationship with your husband has come to this point which it obviously has, have you considered leaving him or possibly ending the affair and making things work with your husband. And if you do decide to end it make sure he really knows so he doesn't call or email you, even those things can keep you emotionally attatched to him. Take time to think everything over and think about what you want for yourself, do you really want to be 'the other woman'? Best of luck in your decisions.