VERY sticky work situation--help!!?

Question

Just some quick background material; I've been at my current job for a little over 2 years, & there is a woman in my small, mostly female-staffed office who used to work in my dept (she's now in the same office, but in a different dept). To be blunt, when she was in my area she was a textbook bully and made my life a living hell. For reasons I still don't understand, 99% of our office seems to be "BFF" with her and they spend a lot of time laughing, joking, etc.

Flash forward..this same woman marries and later becomes pregnant. My department went in together and got her a present for her wedding shower, which I contributed to (even with all that happened I knew this was the "right" thing to do). Later on, she sends our department one invitation to her baby shower, which will be held at the office in the middle of the day. There's talk at first of everyone going in together again for a present, but no one really puts any concrete plans together about how much to spend, etc.

The day of the shower, I'm shocked to see everyone bearing gifts. Turns out everyone--except me and one of my two supervisors, not the one I mentioned earlier--bought individual gifts, while the one supervisor and I were under the impression that we were going to pool our money and get a couple of things, and then someone would run out during their lunch hr. to a nearby shopping center and pick them up (this was how the wedding gift was bought). The supervisor I mentioned earlier came over to my desk and asked if I had a gift. I said no and explained how I thought that this was going to be a group effort, etc. She became a bit irritated and pointed out several times how only I and the other supervisor did not bring gifts. Thankfully, the other supervisor and I had a little bit of time left and so we decided to pool our money together and buy the mom-to-be a gift card for one of her favorite stores at the shopping center. I delivered it to the shower and participated in the festivites.

I thought that would be the end of it and that my genuine embarrassment would be the worst of things. However, somehow the word got out very quickly about my not getting an individual gift, and I've since then I've become the subject of office gossip. Among other things, I've caught a group of my co-workers about me twice while i was in earshot--things like "I know that (mom-to-be's name)is not that nice sometimes, but even I wouldn't refuse her a gift", and talk about how I'm "snobby" and "wierd". At least some of them seem to think I did this on purpose as revenge for what happened when this woman was in my department, which is NOT true. I've always felt as though I didn't really fit in with my co-workers,and they've isolated me before at times, but now they're pulling away from me even more...and as far as I know, no one is saying this stuff or about the other supervisor, or treating him differently.

I feel isolated to the point of physical pain! What can I do??

Answer 1

You need to follow the chain of command speak to your manager first, if no progress then second level if no help then one of your HR reps. Tell them you feel you are in a hostile work place.

Answer 2

Take it as a compliment that you aren't part of the Bully's circle of friends. Take pride in the fact that you did something so generous as to give her anything. Who cares if she got married and pregnant. None of those things are work related. Whatever the miscommunication; the event is over now. I know someone whose job it is to investigate policy violations in the work place. The employees who are friends with the suspected individuals are usually the ones that turn against the one who is looking into the violations and are completely oblivious as to the fact that any evidence that is compiled comes from the actions of the suspected individual. Is the investigator wrong for doing his job? NO. He isn't responsible for the violations yet people will blame him. Just go to work and do your job. No one who is in any of the dept. will be paying your bills or for your medical care. You know who you are. You don't need to prove yourself to those who are so shallow as not to get to know you as well. Remember that this also happened to a supervisor. Stop contributing to anything for that bully. Let it get back to her that you didn't contribute. Why should you?
You aren't in high school anymore. So, just do your job, go home and be with those who care about you at the end of the day.

Answer 3

Because this is causing you physical pain I would suggest getting a new resume together. In situations such as this things will only get worse. I have had it happen to me. I wanted to hang on and ended up getting let go. After my two week crying vacation I got back out there and now I have a better job, making more money and everyone I work respect and likes me. Big and better things are ahead, but you have to go get it.

Answer 4

As the English say, "What a bore!" Why don't you get yourself a new job and some new clothes and make yourself happy? That way you won't even need to think about them. Sometimes things are like hen coops and all the clucking gets to you! Try to find a more creative office, like in a design firm, and make sure there are some men around. They always keep the air clear!

Answer 5

Kick all those folks out your pretty little head. Do you really have room for them there? Visualize it. Don't you feel better now. Don't allow others to get to you this way with their pettiness. Hold your head up high and keep doing your job, don't let others effect what may be your otherwise great career choice to work there.Keep the visualization alive and pretty soon you'll be able to chuckle everytime you think of it, this will change your reaction which your co-workers will pick up on and then they will stop because you've taken the fun out of it for them. YOU win!!!!!!!

Answer 6

It seems to me in both situations you did the right thing. Good for you to stand up and be the better person in the first situation and in the second I would have assumed the same. You guys did the right thing to go together and purchase a gift card. Lack of communications always causes sticky situations.

Answer 7

Workplace politics can get really nasty sometimes. I'd start looking for another job. And in the meantime, do your job to the best of your ability, and maintain a strictly detatched, professional attitude toward the other people there. Mixing socializing with work can often lead to problems, because coworkers are coworkers, not friends.

Answer 8

You went above and beyond the call of duty and got her a gift card- sounds like the problems has been worked out= what is done is done-sometimes those things happen and communication is not the best=D

Answer 9

feels like the cat has an bigger respiration an infection. in the event that they are no longer getting it medical therapy, it quite is ignore, and you ought to record it to the SPCA. basically through fact the home is grimy and cluttered does not propose they are going to lose the infants, in spite of the shown fact that it could mean the cat may be taken from them. it is going to be as much as the SPCA people who look at despite if or no longer they think of they ought to notify CPS or whoever in regards to the infants. you're so in touch approximately rigidity to the family members which you're overlooking rigidity to the undesirable cat. Animals place self belief in us to guard them as quickly as we take them in, yet they might't let us know whilst they are ill, so it quite is our duty as people to place their welfare first. MAKE the call.