My Mom is SHALLOW?

Question

Okay if i have to be somewhere by nine and we awak up by eight. She has to take a shower, put all this makeup, and change her clothes where it is a rush or not. She does not care if it is SATS or i'm going to work. She always HAS to look good. I have to tell her it is an emergency for her to even get going. In addition, she is always on a diet and telling me how all the guys chase her. She thinks all the guys want her and she even accuses old ladies of being lesbians and wanting her. She accused me of being jealous of her because she's prettier. The funny part is that everyone tells me I look exactly like her. Not to mention she is always talking about men wanting her yet she accused my father of cheating. She looks at guys and calls them cute but once my father looked at a picture of Tyra Banks. She flipped out and accused him of cheating. any advice, tips, comments.

Answer 1

no to hurt your or her feelings but YEAH!

Answer 2

Dear Storm,
Your mom is not going to change quickly enough to suit you hon, so instead you will have to be the responsible adult and do a little changing of your own.

If all you say about your mom is true, and not the result of your perceptions becoming biased by your frustration with her, then your mom is, at heart, a very insecure woman. Only deep rooted anxiety about herself would produce this sort of behaviour Storm and therefor I feel sad for you and your mom.

Someone with such deep rooted insecurity will be very defensive and closed to change because they will want to challenge or reject any criticism of themselves, even though they are really already their own worst critic. This is because they create a fantasy of themselves as being the very best to hide from their guilty feelings that they are really very bad. Neither being the best or being the worst is true, and the tension between these two mutually opposed states of belief held by your mom is going to destroy her one of these days.

Fortunately you are there and can understand what is going on and when she finally has her breakdown you will be there to help her to pick up the pieces, you will be there to help her learn from it all and to help her to begin to grow once more as a loving, nurturing, compassionate human being.

Until then Storm it is your job to learn how to be the most loving, compassionate, nurturing human being that you can be hon.

That job begins with yourself by learning to love yourself unconditionally, accepting every part of yourself. When you can love yourself completely and honestly then you can nurture yourself and become stronger. When you become stronger your compassion can take root and blossom. When your compassion blossoms you will be ready to love and nurture everyone you meet, including your mom who is going to need lots and lots of love from you.

I know it is sometimes hard for you to understand your mom and her ways and that you must often resent the selfishness she exhibits, and that you are probably feeling less well loved and nurtured than you deserve to be hon, but bear with it all. You were strong enough to ask this question and I gaurantee you that you are strong enough to come through this experience of being your mom's daughter, and that in this process you will discover a wonderful person in yourself.

Warm regards from Gharveyn

Answer 3

You don't say how old you are, but I'm guessing your in your teens. Your Mom is insecure and this is ingrained in her personality (her being jealous, needing attention). My mother is shallow too...but in different ways. She was like that 25 years ago, and she's the same now, if not worse. I know it's hard, but try to accept her as she is, because she's probably not going to change. She wouldn't be like this if she had good self-esteem so try to help your mother feel better about herself. Merry Christmas!

Answer 4

Wow, that is sad. Me and my mom are total opposites. She sees a disabled kid on TV(like some1 with a tumor on their face) and goes "ewww, glad that isn't my child". She thinks looks are everything. Do I like to look good? Yes, but not as much as her. To her personality doesn't matter-- what people think of you is important. She has tons and tons of clothes. I'm not exaggerating. SHe even says "I bought this five years ago and I've never worn it!" She thinks it's funny. I think it's sad. She bought me a ton of clothes too. By the time I was in fifth grade, I had so much clothes, my dad had to attach shelf things to the wall to hang the clothes up! It's ridicoulous!

There is nothing we can do about it. You can pick your friends, but you can't pick your family. You'll have to get used to your mom. I know that it is waaay easier said than done. Trust me, i would know. my mom constantly gets on my nerves with her shallowness! You expect your mom to be telling that looks aren't everything, personality is what matters, etc. But it isn't like that in our cases. Oh well, *shrugs*.

Answer 5

Sounds like she's insecure. Has she always been this way or is it a recent thing? Maybe your father's not giving her enough attention or deep down, she doesn't feel she's good enough for him. Maybe that's why she accuses him of cheating..her biggest fear. Tell her she's beautiful, remind her of her talents, suggest she take up a new hobby or something. Maybe she could learn a new skill, something that'll make her proud of herself. We can't choose our family but we can make the most of the one we've got. I know it must be annoying, embarassing etc but I think she sounds really unhappy.

Answer 6

sounds like a narcissistic personality disorder, or borderline personality disorder...not too much help for them. because nothing is ever their fault...it's everyone around them who is flawed. she'll just accuse the therapist of wanting her or of being jealous of her. try to get through this the best you can...there's nothing wrong with you. as for getting to appt's on time, you'll have to "fib" about the time and tell her it's an hour or so earlier, start developing a friends network of people who can give you rides so you'll be on time, etc. take care of yourself, and best of luck.

Answer 7

She's going through midlife crisis. Feels insecure--maybe your father is giving her reasons to feel that way. She's doing all the primping because she thinks that's the way to hang onto your father. It's really sad...she'll probably be hitting menopause before long. Just try to be nice to her. Try not to take it personally, it is not about you at all. [Note, I redid the answer after reading your question a second time...thought she was divorced at first. Good luck.]

Answer 8

It sounds odd, but she probably has low self-esteem. If she talks about it as much as you say she does, she's probably trying to convince herself more than you. She needs the attention to feed her own self worth.

What you can do, and I know it sounds counterintuitive, is tell her you love her, and tell her something you love about her that has nothing to do with looks. Throw it out there one night after dinner, like "You know mom, I really love..." casually. Slip it into conversation. And keep it up. Occassionally complimenting her looks is a good idea, too.

Good luck!

Answer 9

Your mom is very insecure. just keep buttering her up, and about the apointments you keep missing, keep telling her they are for half an hour before they are. that way she will have time to get ready.

Answer 10

Maybe she is really unhappy in her relationship and feeling desired is her source of happiness.