why won't he change what is his problem plz see details and reply?

Question

My husband and I have been together almost 4 years,its been a really difficult marriage to say the least and my husb does just about anything he wants to,says hes sorry promises on his knees to never do it again and then almost always without fail does it.His favorite remark is "at least I have never cheated on you"as if thats supposed to give him some kind of points.My problem is lately his lies have been increasing as well as weird inconsistancies in his statements.He never calls to tell me when he is going to be more then half an hour late,ends up going out with his work buddies and then when I call he lies to me and says hes stuck in traffic or turns off his cell phone,THIS PISSES ME OFF AND MAKES ME SO HURT AND ANGRY! WHY CANT HE JUST GIVE ME THE COMMON COURTESY OF LETTING ME KNOW WHEN AND WHERE HE IS,HE CAN GO ANYWHERE HE WANTS STAY OUT ALL NIGHT FOR ALL I CARE BUT WHY CANT HE TELL ME HIS OWN WIFE?what is his problem,how can I make him change his ways?I really need advice.

Answer 1

he's lying.. AND cheating... dump him

Answer 2

Seems like to me he really don't want to be married. If he did, then he'd be home with you when he got off of work. Give him an ultimatum. If the lies continue, then leave him. Even him saying that he's never cheated could be a lie. You can't make him change his ways, he'll have to decide that on his own. There is a problem going on here where he wants to stay with his work buddies more than with you. So give him an ultimatum, or a choice and go from there. No more second chances or nothing. It's you or them. Best of luck to you.

Answer 3

Don't you have some self respect? Can't you have an open conversation with your husband? Instead of asking questions on Yahoo! Answers you need to sit down with your husband and have a dialog with him. Tell him how you feel. Don't make any illusions that he will change because he will not.
If no kids are involved in this marriage, then move on. You deserve something better.
If you think he is the one who has a problem and not you, you are wrong because in a marriage that becomes your problem too. Don't waist too much time. If it doesn't work out - leave him.

Answer 4

Raising a good man takes a woman with the qualities of a saint! He has not cheated; this is a blessing. However he does have several bad habits.

Provide a clean, warm, loving environment for him to come home to. Look for ways to reward good behavior. Think of it like training a puppy. Try going out shopping or to the library etc. when he is late instead of waiting for him to come home. Be creative but use common sense to find ways to teach him to respect you. Men have a way of doing their own little man things without being compelled to continually check in with their loving wife.

An example: I don’t always know or even care where hubby is. This is not insensitive or uncaring; we have just grown past the trials of our younger married life. The other day I sent him to the store for skim milk (wish I had the space to tell you the skim milk story) anyway, he came in with the milk about 3hrs later. Evidently, when he passed by the electronics store, on his way to the grocery store. He remembered he had not been in to see the fellas at his favorite store for quite a long time. While he was at the electronic store he remembered a much-needed new tool! At the hardware store he ran into an old buddy he had not seen in a long time (since his last trip to the grocery store, I swear!), they went over to the coffee shop to catch up on old times. When he finally made his way home with the milk, he produced his smartest idea of the day. A lovely bouquet of pink carnations!!

This may sound like fiction right now, but with practice and patience and creative common sense you can turn it into reality.

Peace :)

Answer 5

He is obviously a very selfish man. The fact that you're really not sure where he is tells me he's probably where he doesn't need to be & where he doesn't want you to know about.
You ask how you can *make* him change his ways....well, you can't make him do anything. He's a grown man. Of course, he is doing wrong. He probably doesn't see that. I would (because I did this in my life) let him know how I felt & if things didn't get better, then things were going to have to change for good. You are obviously very miserable in this marriage & not treated properly.
Perhaps you could seek counseling, too, as to know the right thing to do.
I wish you the best for much happiness in this world. God bless.

Answer 6

You guys need some counseling. He has issues, and I think you do as well. You should never let ANY person treat you this way. Stand firm and have confidence in yourself. Don't "let" him walk all over you, cuz that's exactly what he is doing. He needs a GIGANTIC wake-up call. I say stop doing the "small things" for him. Make him realize how much he needs you and needs to respect you. And if he keeps it up, stay with a friend or a family member for some time. Get back on your feet, and make yourself proud. Realize you deserve better.

Answer 7

Tough situation, it seems as though you two have fallen into roles. You are his nagging wife and he doesn't care to be responsible. Maybe you could give him a dose of his own medicine, if you feel like playing games. Or you could give him an ultimatum or leave him in hopes that he will straighten up his act. There is no easy fix. Definitely wait until after the holidays before trying any of these moves. Unfortunately, I have a similar situation where my wife is a raging alcoholic, disappears and turns up drunk. Oh there are private detectives as well. I have been doing that service for myself as of late.
PS sorry to hear your story, hope your situation improves, happy holidays!

Answer 8

I had a relationship that lasted over 10years and the same thing happened. He already had someone and is still shopping around. I also seen this happen with my brothers where they wore and to this day are still doing the very same thing. You cannot change anyone that is set in their ways. Sadly to say you must move on or deal with it? Anyway you look at it... It will be very difficult but you will get pass this. Happy holidays to you and yours.Take care & Good luck!

Answer 9

I don't think he realizes by not calling and telling you he has raised the flag of infidelity and waved it in your face. So if he is not cheating then he is not being very considerate or intelligent about the situation. I don't care if he goes out with his buddies, and there are alot of times I remember people not calling to tell me they were going to be late...then they would complain that dinner was cold or overcooked.

If he cares about you a simple conversation might be all you need. If he won't discuss it with you then start going out with friends or go to your parents house and let him worry about you for awhile. Don't call and spend the night out...He might realize how it feels to be left on the outside waiting.

Answer 10

Well there u go. Your own husband treats you horribly and you let him get away with this, that is why he will not change,
Marriage is about respect love loyalty and honesty and you have non of the above, it's a joke,
Why don't you change the locks of your place next time he shows up late and let him sleep in the car?
Sometimes you have to be firm to get respect, otherwise you get what you deserve. Oh, divorce is not such a bad idea here.
Good luck

Answer 11

You can't make anyone change their ways!!!

The only person you can change is yourself, you have no control over anyone's elses thoughts or actions other than your own.

I sure hope you didn't think you would change him after you married, if so, you made a huge mistake. If this was not the case then he pulled the wool over your eyes completely.

My guess is like another who answered the question, he is cheating on you.