Here in this time and always
you are the loved and the looked on
it is in you to be wanted
all this is laboured to be
distant - the distance we
drew out for reason
that ugly season that suffocates
all the others of our life now
we who rush the river
where went that ease
with which we did everything
without prelude or result
but with honesty and love.
2006-12-19 11:41:59 · 7 answers · asked by rusalka 3 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Other - Arts & Humanities
i think it's nice... i mean poetry is really subjective so everyone will see it differently. But it's pretty... not too weird... not too cliche.
2006-12-19 11:46:08 · answer #1 · answered by xcmerg 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Being a poet myself, I think if you would examine your thoughts and words a little more you will see that it sounds as if you are using such complicated words that some will not receive it. You need to make it plain enough that a child can understand what you are trying to say. Try applying some rhythm there! It looks like one big sentence.
2006-12-19 19:51:53 · answer #2 · answered by rose d 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Very, very deep. But, that's one of many things that poems can be, a reflection of the inner yearnings of the heart and soul.
Sounds like you don't like pretense and hidden motives in people. Good for you. Keep it real.
2006-12-19 19:50:00 · answer #3 · answered by soulguy85 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This poem is great, it gets the reader thinking because the poem has so many parallels, or there's so many things that you could be talking about in it (if there's no specific subject). Also, it's very deep and well written. GREAT POEM!!!!
2006-12-19 19:48:27 · answer #4 · answered by numba1rula 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Great poem! you left it open and ambiguous, which means lots of space for creative analysis. i would like to see a bit more punctuation, but other than that good stuff!
2006-12-19 19:51:29 · answer #5 · answered by robyoung3484 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think with punctuation it could be better.
and the wording is a little awkward at times. "It is in you..."
Other than that, pretty good. It just doesn't grab my attention.
2006-12-21 15:47:33 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
the tune isn't match
2006-12-20 01:24:07 · answer #7 · answered by ®ÔµM ¸showboy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋