his parents marriage and divorce were so horrible that to this day, even after 20 years, they still don't talk to each other. His father also used him as a pawn to get back at his mother.
2006-12-19 11:21:46 · 14 answers · asked by marie 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You must be very patient and understanding. You must not try to rush him into marriage until he sees that it can actually work out.
Invite married couples to go out with you so he can observe a happy marriage. Don't settle for less than marriage if that is what you want, but don't force him into a marriage before he is ready.
2006-12-19 11:30:13 · answer #1 · answered by physandchemteach 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think the best thing you can do is expose your man to as many successful marriages as you can find. Start by exposing him to my marriage. 29 and a half years married. 5 kids, 3 grand kids. I'm here to tell you that marriage to the right woman is the most wonderful thing you can do. There is absolutely nothing better in the world than having a loving, committed partner at your side as you go through life.
He needs to see that his parents failure was theirs alone, and it's not the norm. Show him that especially with the knowledge of what happened to his parents he's in an especially good place to make sure the two of you don't fall into the same traps as his parents did.
This may be a stretch, but perhaps a negotiated marriage contract, arbitrated by a marriage counselor, that spells out your mutual expectations for your lives together might work. Something that is always open to renegotiation so as you age and mature and things in your lives change, the contract can change with you. Your man kinda sounds like he needs this kind of reassurance to take the plunge. I'm betting that after a couple of years of marriage he'll forget you even have the thing.
2006-12-19 11:52:06 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's sad. My husband's parents divorced but they are good friends and talk to each other today. It's terrible that his father used him to get back at his mother. The only thing I have to tell you is just be there and try your best to get him over that but if it doesn't work then you need to move on and find someone else who's not afraid. It's not fair to you to stay with him if he's scared that your marriage would turn out like his parents if you want to get married even though you love each other.
2006-12-19 11:26:45 · answer #3 · answered by Irish Girl 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You must explain to him just because his parents had a bad marriage does not mean that all marriages turn out like that you and him are not his mom and dad. Tell him as well that some couples just get together for the sake of a pregnancy and a mistake not ever wanting to marry one and another. Marriage is all different as each person is different tell him you want him as a husband and to spend your life with him and you do not wish to hear anymore crap about his parents nasty divorce and marriage.
he has to live his own life and until he lets his parents crap go he is going to be stuck in the past. I hope you can get through to him because marriage is great God Bless and Good Luck.
2006-12-19 11:32:50 · answer #4 · answered by Livinrawguy 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How old is he, and how old are you? What kind of communicating skills do each of you have? What kind of education do each of you have? How long have you been going together? and has any problem arisen that you were unable to resolve? Did things just blow up in rage and resentment, or did you come to an agreement? You explained none of these. If he is 18, with little experience, education, etc. fine. If he is 28, and still a basket case, you need to know that, so that if you have marriage and a family in mind, you can decide if counseling will help, or if his phobia is so great as to never make him husband material.
2006-12-19 12:30:31 · answer #5 · answered by April 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It used to bother me badly. When I was 15 and thought I knew it all, i vowed to never get married. Well, at 24 I did get married and instead of dreading divorce...my H and I went to premarital counseling to ensure that divorce was a very last option and that we would both agree to work on our marriage 100% before ever throwing in the towel. Prepare so you can have a good marriage instead of being afraid of a divorce.
2016-05-22 22:18:19 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
this is an easy one if he'll really think about it. he needs to step back and take a good look at who his parents are. then he needs to take a good long look at who he is, and who you are. and then he needs to realize that the two of you are not his parents, and you will never be his parents, or be like his parents. his parents bad marriage should just make him more determined to try harder at making his own marriage the very best that it can be. I hope this helps him to see things in a little different perspective.
I Wish You Both the very Best.
2006-12-19 11:47:42 · answer #7 · answered by atiana 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Marriage doesn't have to be the end result of a relationship... in other words, do you really need to marry him? Lots of people live together for years happily without getting married.
Still, it sounds like he needs to do some work on this issue, like talking to a therapist. If he was a kid when it happened he probably harboured all sorts of feelings like guilt and fear, for example, that he could benefit from sorting out and getting rid of. Sounds like old baggage that's not doing him any good.
2006-12-19 11:25:46 · answer #8 · answered by Deborah C 5 · 1⤊ 2⤋
He needs to get over it! Sorry but you are wasting time with this guy. Do not buy into this kind of garbage, if he really loves you then he needs to trust you, and if he wont marry you it means, HE DOES NOT TRUST YOU. So thats the end of it.
2006-12-19 11:26:06 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're gonna have to give him time. You have to decide if this is a deal breaker for you. He may never want to get married, is that ok with you? That's the real question here.
2006-12-19 11:25:45 · answer #10 · answered by taz4x4512 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋