Rate my poem?

Question

You think I'm different, can't you see?
There's nothing else that I could be.
We're all alive and all unique,
step back before you call me weak,
I'll fight for you when I fight for me,
Because I know we'll never be free,
Until we come together and know we're one,
one nation of people beneath the sun.
You think I'm different, can't you see?
I am you, and you are me.

Answer 1

you ruined your own poem...the worst thing you can do in poetry is force rhymes....

if you force a rhyme it turns the reader off..unless the rhyme comes naturally don't use it...

the best rhymes are words that complement each onther...like in my laters poem...i rhymed Dark and Depart....the don't sound alike..but that is a rhyme.....readers like them

but i guess your poem was ok....i think it needs a revision

Answer 2

This poem's good, but the middle section is a little weak. I'll fight for you when I fight for me, because I know we'll never be free - it doesn't really mean anything. One nation of people beneath the sun is also REALLY clichéd. However, the rest of it is really good, the fact that people can't change who they are and really we're all very similar - a good theme. Perhaps you could re-write the middle bit to clarify your image, and try to say something about it that's never been said before - even if it's just using different words.

Answer 3

I think this is a wonderful poem. You can even add more to it, too...I think it will turn out interesting. Reminds me of a poem I wrote:

Hey you, yes I'm talking to you
Don't lower your eyes in shame.
You see; I've been where you are
This is more then just a game.

As you sat alone and reproached.
They pierced your integrity.
Remember you're not alone
I know all too well your misery.

Caught in this sinful world,
You're just an example.
These good deeds come in one
And sins come in a handful.

Don't have words of your own,
You try to evade your weakness.
Traduce these greedy hands, I say,
They defaced your identity - so priceless.

Situating a gun to your head,
You evidently strain warm tears.
You know these bullets won't cease,
You're longing to face your fears.

Stand strong and follow your heart,
Don't question my belief.
How was I supposed to know?
Your languished soul was the thief.

Now put down that gun.
Spare yourself the pain inside.
You can run as far as you wish,
Soon you'll see that you can't hide.

No, you can't hide behind that smile,
Don't lock yourself incomplete.
Give your life another chance too,
By no mistake you will defeat.

Colour the years you've exhausted,
And the world I see through your eyes.
You have no one to make proud but you,
Don't burry yourself in lies.

Again and again your heart goes numb,
But I won't toss bricks your way.
Endure the voice that shadows your soul,
In these walls you've built, don't mislay.

Some day you'll look back and know,
I'm not how you wanted to be.
I've made mistakes and have fallen too,
Rocks hurt inside too, you see.

So grasp this moment my friend,
I'll be with you whenever you call.
If you feel down and turn your back,
Remember I will give you my all.

.....Try adding more to it....sounds nice. Stay safe.

Answer 4

Just great! Short and to the point, easy to read. And you are not trying to sound so intelligent that one looses sense of what the author is saying. Very, very sharp.

Answer 5

kind of lame. I think this has been said before and you didn't bring anything new to it. rewrite it and make it poetic and beautiful, whether that means making it ugly, or more descriptive. It needs stronger metaphor.

Answer 6

i think you poem is really good you could set up a free online portfolio online at writing.com where people could rate your work and give you advise.

Answer 7

i think its beautiful...i really like it