How do I deal with a boss that's verbally abusive?

Question

This is a small company (only 5 of us including the CEO). In his defense, he has many good moments but when he blows up, he gets abusive. What’s worse is that the CEO is 10x worse but rarely goes off on me but I’ve witnessed him going off on a direct report. So, going above my boss is out of the question and there is no HR here. This is a very manly group and I don’t want to come across as a wuss but….

Answer 1

I have the exact same problem. I work in a company of 6 people, including the owner and myself. We don't even have titles like CEO. The owner is an old New Yorker who was verbally abused as a kid and doesn't seem to know any other way to speak to people. I have heard him cuss and yell at people more times than I can count.

I continue to work for him for the money, and also because I have learned how to deal with it. The best solution is to approach him in a very good moment - sometime when he is not very busy, and is in a pretty good mood. He has been told many times about his problem, he just honestly does not realize as he's saying things that he is coming off as mean or abusive. I tell him basically this:

I wanted to talk with you because you've been hurting people's feeling lately. I know you're under a lot of stress, and I get frustrated too. But could you please watch what you say and how you say it? I enjoy working here very much, but when you get really angry it makes me want to go out and look for another job. Is there anything I can do that will help ease your stress? Can I take care of one of your projects?

The last time I did this, I actually had another job offer lined up (although I did not tell him that). He was very surprised to hear how upset I was and apologized. Incidentally, I actually have ulcers that have been aggravated by the job stress and when I brought it up, he immediately offered to cover my medical expenses. Then he told me that whenever he said something wrong, if I just hold up my hand he will give me $10. That way he realizes he is on the borderline before he actually gets really abusive. I haven't had to take him up on the $10 offer yet, and it's been over a month. Before I spoke with him, at least twice a week he would say something extremely insulting to me.

Communication is the key. Your boss may not realize how much his words are affecting others, and if you speak up you may well help the other people at your office. Just choose your words carefully, because if you come off as insulting or too free with the idea that you can leave if you want to, you just may have to leave sooner than you planned. I check for jobs about twice a month - that way if he ever blows up to the point I actually have to walk out, I will have some idea what my job prospects are.

Answer 2

That sucks. I have dealt with that in the past. I worked for a slavedriver for three years. I also dealt with sexual harassment more than once. It's so difficult because anything you say may be used against you. You fear losing your job...I know. I found a few links that you may be interested in.

Answer 3

Keep a digital recorder going at all times and play it back to him. Make copies first.

Answer 4

Buy a gun.