I have 2 children and have been away from their dad for a few years, we didn't part on good terms and rarely see eye to eye, this often results in the children not seeing him from time to time, we fight a lot about stupid things, i want them to have a relationship with him and he wants this as well but he says he hates me and this is what causes the trouble, yet if he gets the chance he is very friendly to me telling me all about whats going on with him and asking about me, he will then start a fight for no reason out of the blue and never tell me why, after all thats gone on i still have feelings for him and want to keep my distance from him so that these will fade and so the children will see him consistently. Yet if i suggest him dealing with someone else when taking the children he never sticks to it, he keeps having conversations with me about our own lives and i want it to stop but he doesn't listen when i tell him this, i don't want to cause a rift at xmas. Can any1 advise me?
2006-12-19 09:56:18 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
AAwwww babe, you sound like you are in a right mess.
Listen i know it is hard but you have to think of your kids first, they need to see their Dad no matter how much you guys don't get on.
Of coarse you still have feelings for him, you were married to him and love doesn't just disappear easily. From what you have said i think he still has feelings for you as well since its only you he wants to deal with.
I know you don't want to cause a rift at Xmas but for you to be able to move on and give your kids a more settled life you have to stop seeing him, even if it means seeking legal advice to try and get someone else to help with taking the kids in between.
Hope i could help, good luck xxx
2006-12-19 10:05:45 · answer #1 · answered by anastacia500 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Lola, i'm not the best at typing so bare w/me . My computer is still new and i can't figure it out. I've been in your shoes and the same things happened too me also. When you get the chance too see the kid's dad again make sure your dressed nice and have a smile on your face and only speak to him by anwsering questions and DON"T raise your voice or say negative things, he sounds like a x who is so jealouse of you that if he can't have you you'll feel so belittled that your selfesteem will fade and you'll always hold your head down in his total controll, move on , I did, and it took awhile but it will happen, please keep your head up and your feelings toward him behind closed doors and you'll see a new light. Right now the kid's need the time with you, don't push him to see them and that will eat him up and he'll see them, trust me! Good Luck,from,im2old2care.
2006-12-19 18:12:25 · answer #2 · answered by im2old2care 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have an Ex that does almost the same thing. He wont talk to me ever since I got a new bf. I told him to grow up.
Anyway all I can suggest is to try to keep the conversations short and only about the kids. If it doesnt involve them tell him good bye.
Eventually I would like to believe he will grow up and see that what is best for the kids is for you two to get along and not be an ***.
Also dont listen to the other *** that left a comment about a gun he is an idiot too.
2006-12-19 18:03:30 · answer #3 · answered by Orleanslady 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Omg dont listen to frizzle!! First of all dont call christmas, xmas! Thats jus deleting the word christ out it! but anyway make a plan where your ur children can c u a week then their father for a week. and maybe even on the weekends u guys can all go out and try to spend some time to becoming a family.
2006-12-19 18:03:23 · answer #4 · answered by Lizzie Girl 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dear Lola:
If it is just to keep peace in your lives you may want to just listen when he speaks and when he asks for your response or is expecting one don't give it. And if you are being hard pressed to respond consider saying to him that you have been apart for this long it doesn't seem to matter what you are thinking any longer and that your concern as his should be is for "your" children only.
Best wishes,
2006-12-19 18:03:43 · answer #5 · answered by Fresh choice 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
dont listen 2 Frizzle or any1 who agrees girl. Ur right keep ur distance. id think he cares about the kids since he apparently doesnt want 2 tlk bout them. Maybe he still likz u but he has probs.
2006-12-19 18:02:56 · answer #6 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Write your ex a letter.. explaining exactly how you feel..
Basically, what you have just typed up in the question...
Letters are a good way of dealing with situations, that 'talking' turns into arguements... your ex, can read the letter over and over, until he understands, what you are trying to say.. men, often take longer to 'see the light' LOL
2006-12-19 18:02:49 · answer #7 · answered by Karennerak 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well its safe to conclude frizzle is a wanker!!!!!
you may want to consider taking him to court if he wants to play up and not see his kids.
i dont think writing to him will help as i dont think he will actually read it
i have an ex like this and even though we went to court he STILL tries to play all the games he can.
the only ones who lose out at the end of the day are the kids.
2006-12-19 18:55:19 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He obviously WANTS you to have feelings for him. I'd expose him for that, suggesting that he still has feelings. He may get defensive and begin to keep his distance to prove he doesn't. If you can begin a relationship with somebody else, that'll be the clincher.
2006-12-19 18:00:25 · answer #9 · answered by Mickey Mouse Spears 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
get a family friend to move the kids back and forth, most family friends are neutral and they try to make everyone be up to there part of the agreement
2006-12-19 17:59:19 · answer #10 · answered by eclipsefreak 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋