Can a woman stay friends with a man she had an affair with?

Question

I had an affair with a man from my past. We went to the same university 18 years ago and he contacted me about a year ago. We have so much in common. Although we don't see eachother much we are in constant contact. We get along great, we laugh, we give eachother moral support. We are great friends but we are both married to other people and we both have children. Our spouses do not know about our friendship or of the affair(I have never met his wife) How can I stay friends with him? how do I fight the desire and temptation? We both know ending the sexual relationship is the best thing for both of us and our families but I need suggestions as to how to do it while maintaining our friendship.

This is my first affair and he has had at least another 2

Answer 1

You should stay away from this guy. What kind of a person is he. He cheats on his wife with a married woman... he is not a friend. A real friend does not help you destroy a marriage with kids. A real friend would have given you advice on how to work things out with your husband. I have friends that some times have problems with their husbands and I don't take advantage and sleep with them. this is not a god person. You should focus your energy in trying to save your marriage. obviously you must have a lot of problems with your husband and your needs are not being met. Try to see a counselor or at least try to open up communications with your husband so that you can bring back what you once had. good luck. but by the way you asked your question it does not seem like you have any hope. It seems like you take this very lightly.

Answer 2

Just be more responsible dear. I don't want to throw stones because that isn't right and someone has to tell you to get your head out of the clouds in a nicer way than the rest of your answerers. I know it's nice up there, but being on cloud 9 isn't going to give your kids a stable home, your husband will catch on to your behavior eventually and ultimately the burden of the karma isn't worth it. Your husband may already be onto it, so like someone else said in their answer, stop while you are ahead.
I had a strong lustual relationship once, and I was single at the time. I had to walk away completely in order to keep my life straight, it was just an incredible sexual and almost "spiritual" connection and for what ever reason I felt I couldn't handle it and decided to move on. The person was looking for me all the time, he sort of became a stocker. The only way to get rid of him was by getting another boyfriend quick which I did but only kept him around to protect me from him and my own feelings. As for the guy I was crazy about, yet dropped like a penny, he died of a very rare disease a couple of years later! That was crazy how my intuation had always been that it was too good to be true. I shared my story and offered advise, you know what to do.

Answer 3

Well, he has had 2 affairs and you still think he's great. You are messing up big time. You could end of losing everything like your husband, your kids and your self-respect. It's not worth it in the end. You can keep in close contact with a man that you have been intimate with. It's too hard to be just friends. So end it now and focus on your husband and children.

Answer 4

I don't think this can ever be just a friendship now. You have crossed a line with each other and now it is adultery. This is a serious issue. Do you want your husband or his wife to find out? If you don't, I suggest you forget the idea of friendship, no matter how much you both like each other. This is one relationship that has disaster written all over it.

Sooner or later, if you keep this up, the truth will come out, and you will both lose everything. Quit while you are ahead and end contact. Or, if you really want this guy, you have to make a decision and leave your husband for him. You can't have it both ways.

Answer 5

Sure you can stay friends, but you will run the risk of losing everything you have (marriage, family, friends, children, self respect) for this friendship. Your friend has had several affairs? So he's out for himself and will use anyone to get what he wants. Are you sure you should trust this guy? Or do you think he just might be investing time in you for a booty call down the line. Remember its all about him.

Answer 6

You will have to come to agreement with this guy that sex is out of the question. And you have to follow that. You also have to make an agreement that if you are to brake the previous one, all the contact will have to stop. You are having an affair, please realize it. If you keep having it it will destroy your marriage. Moreover, you should look into your self more and into your marriage more. Why is that you need so much moral support from others? Why are you not turning to your husband for it? I can predict what will happen if you keep turning to others for moral support: eventually you will deem your husband as incapable of moral support and unloving in general, and eventually you will leave him for that.

Yeah, constant contact is not good either. How often do you call your friends in general? Once a month, probably. This is what this has to be, as well. Calling each other like twise a week is all the same - affair. It is pulling you away from your family. Your kids are learning bad things - like one of the spouses is supposed to not love the other, like family is no good for moral support. It will lead to seroius consequences like them falling in love with wrong unloving people.

Answer 7

You can't have it all honey! Life is not about getting everything that you want and sometimes you have to make sacrifices. Like sticking to your vows and not sleeping around.......

What is more important, your family or getting laid by an old college buddy? I mean really.........If you are getting all these needs met, what is your husband doing? You should be looking at what the hell is wrong with your marriage and why you're seeking out this kind of attention from someone else! This stuff should be coming from your spouse and not from anyone else! I bet you right now, your husband is wondering why you're so cold and distant and why he can't "be there" with you and little does he know it's because you're sleeping around.

You should be ashamed of yourself! Get some morals..........

Answer 8

Sweetheart, I know what you are feeling. The question is why did you begin this affair? Were you and your husband already having problems? If so you should evaluate the situation: are things really that bad in your home, make a rational decision here. Is he going to leave his family for yours "and take in the responsibility of raising your children" will the luggage both of you have be bearable, will he have unresolved feelings for his wife? You must ask yourself these things. Now, if you remain only friends, how long will that last? If things are decent in your home right now or were before you began the affair, trust me it will not be long before your feelings for your lover actually take the place of what ever feelings, and/or love you have for your husband. At this point. it will become almost impossible for you to make a rationale decision. and not a heart felt one. You will ultimately have to make your own decision. But know that you will fall deeper in love with this gentleman, and love is blind. I hope your heart and mind can deal with the stress you are under, and I hope things get better for all of you, including your children.

Answer 9

Flip this around - how would you feel if your husband were giving this kind of attention to another woman and not to you?

Make the effort to focus on the man you married and stay away from this man. Some friendships are just no meant to be because the pain they can cause is indescribable.

It seems innocuous, but it's not. Just walk away.

Answer 10

You can't stay friends with this man because you have feelings for him. Don't forget your married and if you keep insisting on this lover friendship your husband will suspect and catch you. You don't want to be caught so let it go. Try to distance yourself for the sake of your marriage and your kids. Your friend as already cheated twice your not the first or the last...let him go. Respect your marriage and yourself do the right thing.