alright, i'm really frustrated as you've already read, but i was searching for questions on orgasms because i have never had one(married 2 years), and i came across all these men who talk about their wive's experiences and how they do what they do like they really care!!! well, i just recently brought this situation up to my husband( about no orgasms) and he completely doesn't want to talk about it. he knows it's not because of him, because i told him that. i'm just so upset over it. he won't let me get a vibrator because he says that's like me cheating on him. whatever. i don't know what to do. sex is getting worse and worse. what do i do now? sorry for so many details. thanks for any comments, but BE NICE!
2006-12-19 09:07:13 · 27 answers · asked by kendra w 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Ok, I've seen some things that may be true. Your husband may just be selfish.
Or he could be downright embarassed and ashamed.
Think about it. You just told him he's not the stud he thinks he is.
I think he is part of the problem.
Your task is to find a way to entice him into working together on a solution.
2006-12-19 09:29:02 · answer #1 · answered by camys_daddy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is frustrating. Unfortunately, a lot of married people are frustrated about sex. All I can suggest is that you keep dialogue open and talk about it with him. Talk about how you can make it better for the both of you. Let him know it would mean a lot if you could experience an orgasm. That being said, some women just have a really hard time having orgasms, and it may only happen with the help of a vibrator, in the bathtub, or however. Just make sure he is confident in himself and your attraction and loyalty to him and talk. Good luck.
Also, if you're fine with it, you could let him watch, or masterbate together, that's a total turn on.
2006-12-19 09:17:52 · answer #2 · answered by straightup 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First off, your husband is very selfish about you not being able to get a vibrator. You would think that he would want you to explore your body to find out what turns you on. And it is not cheating because it's with a machine and plus you he would know about it. The bottom line is if you have sat down and talked it over with him and he refuses to even talk about it, then you should suggest some type of therapist, maybe even a sex therapist. If he does not go for that, then you need to explain to him the damage that this situation is causing the marriage. I don't care what other people say, sex is very very imporant and not only can it affect the marriage but eventually you two will have no intimacy towards each other. Good luck.
2006-12-19 09:12:15 · answer #3 · answered by Marie 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Let me ask you this: can you masturbate and make yourself have an orgasm? You don't need a vibrator for this. Once you can do it yourself, you can show him what you want and how you want it. He's feeling like he's not good enough for you and his ego is getting in the way, dear, that's all. He's a MAN! If I were you and I thought a vibrator would help, I'd get one and surprise him. How can this be cheating? Is it cheating if he masturbates? (I guarantee he does..most married men do. So what?) Is it cheating if he watches sexy women on TV or magazines? If you can help yourself first, you'll be much happier in this marriage and you can make him happier by showing him what you need. Pay attention to your body. Use a hand-held shower head! Whatever it takes to make you feel good. Then share it with him. Maybe SHOWING him would be better than talking. I know my man loves to watch me and if we introduce sex toys, he wants to be in control of them. I hope this helps cause no woman should go unfulfilled even if you have to do it alone. Godblessya! Your honesty has helped others!
2006-12-19 09:26:46 · answer #4 · answered by Sassy OLD Broad 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sex is a very important factor in marriage life. Anyone who says otherwise is lying. I have always been very open with my husband about sex and when he is not doing something right or when he is doing something right I let him know. When sex becomes just a regular thing the couple becomes to distant and that is no way to live. You also don't want to start cheating because of this urge or need you have to be loved... He has to listen to you and you go ahead and buy you a vibrator, I did. The minute he heard me playing with myself he jumped in bed with me and it got him horny. After that he started listening to me and to the ideas I had.. we have been married 11 years and so far we are excellent in that department (Sex)... It takes communication and if he is not willing to listen to your needs then you have to stop and re-think is being with him worth it. Someone who loves you will respect you as a women, wife and friend.. if not then you need to love yourself more than him... at the end of the day you should matter more to yourself... best of luck
2006-12-19 09:13:57 · answer #5 · answered by rp12801280 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I didn't read your other posts if there were any but from what I read here, if he is afraid for you to have a "toy"... He is really insecure with his man hood... He is letting his ego get in the way of being able to open up and just have fun having SE*! For any woman to really enjoy an orgasm a man needs to make her feel really relaxed and take the time to do things right... If he is not open to putting your needs above his own and see this as a valid concern for your well being , he is making a classic mistake. You deserve nothing less, intimacy like this in a marriage is what bonds it rock solid...
If he continues to be unresponsive it will be a tough decision for you to make from here... He should know lots of men would so love to have a wife that is eager to make it better...
Maybe he in his defense, feels he is inadequate and needs a little coaxing to get him involved in helping you get there...... I hope you get there!
2006-12-19 09:58:03 · answer #6 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
using a vibrator is not cheating. But to have feelings with another man yes it is. What about if he was from military and has to go for months, won't he let you have pleasure on your own? You can use a vibrator but it is only temporary. Your husband should be concerned about this problem. discuss with him and maybe try out other positions that can favor orgasms.
2006-12-19 09:28:54 · answer #7 · answered by LadyXSakura 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would not be able to live with a man who doesn't do anything to make me have an orgasm, why doesn't he go down on you? he needs to learn your body and try to find a way to make you feel good, why don't you tell him that you would like to give him a new job to find as many ways as possible to make you have an orgasm. You need to make sure that he knows that you are unhappy. I can tell you one thing, I could never live without my toys, and my fiance knows that, he understands that sometimes I need to have more orgasms that he can deliver, and sometimes he might be tired or not in the mood and I don't want to force it. If your husband doesn't let you buy one and he doesn't do anything to make you have one, you better leave him and find someone else, because you will only resent him later! good luck!
2006-12-19 09:25:31 · answer #8 · answered by wantstoknow 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You dont have to have a vibrator to have a orgasm satisfy youself first alone for as long as it takes you to orgasm because the more you know about your body you can tell your husband the way you like it and trust me sex well just get a whole lot better
2006-12-19 09:21:54 · answer #9 · answered by dev'smummy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is either embarrassed to talk about it, or he doesn't care about how you feel in the sack. I suggest you really press the issue. If he continues to refuse to help you with the problem, cut him off until he caves in.
As far as getting a vibrator, it isn't cheating. Hell... My wife has quite a few toys. All of which I actually bought for her to spice up our sex life. They haven't caused any problems and she will be the first to tell you that she prefers the real thing when it's available. If I were you, I'd just snag his credit card while he's sleeping and order me one. They don't cost much, unless you really want to buy an expensive one...
If you're worried that he might just go elsewhere if you cut him off, then it just shows that you're better off without him. If he cares for you, he will get over himself and try to help solve the problem.
2006-12-19 09:17:41 · answer #10 · answered by Ritz Grimarren 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First may I say I'm so sorry, Now, there are so many other ways to achieve an orgasm or is he just a prude? He can stimulate you with his hands in any opening you have( I'm trying to Keep it clean) Try watching a show on TV called SEX WITH SUE on Sunday nights, don't let the old lady fool you, she gets down right to the point!!! If that don't work, Sister-Girl go BUY that vibator****** SMILE
2006-12-19 09:16:51 · answer #11 · answered by 520 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋