I have a 12 year old, bright, talented, really smart (she was skipped) 12 year old cousin, who has recently been like a daughter to me. I've noticed she doesn't really act like a typical 12 year old girl. She dresses very tom boyish, and hates 'pretty' things. As of recently, I tried to convince her to go shopping and let me buy her an outfit. She of course threw a fit, saying she didn't want anything too girlie. Is there a way I can convince her to compromise? I understand that one day, Tom Boy will be here style, but she can make that decision when she is 18 (lol). For now, I'd like her to incorporate girlie things. Is this wrong of me? Please help.
2006-12-19 09:01:14 · 30 answers · asked by daviesgravy 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Adolescent
It's easy to understand your parental concern. She is your daughter. She is your everything... But she is not you. It's not wrong, you're just a concerned parent... but children, especially teenagers, need their space. There is nothing wrong with being a tomboy. Some girls grow out of it. Some girls find a way to be tomboyish, yet with a feminine twist. But that's not the point. Teenage years are difficult. We all know, we've all been through them. They're confusing... trying to figure out who we are and where we're going to go in life. And more than anything else, teenagers have a strong desire for independence. I'm not saying that she should get her own job and live in her own place right now. I'm just saying that you should let her find her own way. She's not old enough to drive, but she is old enough to make her own decisions about appearance. After all, don't you think having a good relationship with your daughter is more important than having a feminine appearance? Plus, you never know. Her style in clothing may change in time.
2006-12-19 10:05:52 · answer #1 · answered by just someone 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Well I've never heard of a tom-girl before, but since a tom-boy is a girl that dresses/acts like a boy then a tom-girl would be the opposite: a boy that act/dresses like a girl.
2016-03-29 00:37:07 · answer #2 · answered by Elaine 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
chill she'll grow out of it. my mom wanted me to be girlie too and the more she forced me to do something i didn't want the more i rebeled and acted as a tomboy, now i am a little older and have totally changed i love girlie things yet i am still really athletic, leftovers from being a preteen tomboy, just wait a year or two when she starts getting into things like dances and inevitably boys, then she'll want to start looking like pretty girl, she'll get so pretty you would wish she'd go back to being a tomboy. i used to be a tomboy and now i am asked, when the hell did you become a girl?
GOOD LUck
2006-12-19 11:53:26 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My niece was the same way. My sister and her compromised by buying her a pink shirt that said "all my black shirts are dirty." Well after she saw how cute she looked in pink she totally turned into a girlie girl. Just give her some time. She will come around. LOL.. then you will have to try to keep the boys away. Good luck
2006-12-19 09:08:46 · answer #4 · answered by Mrs. Always Right 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Let her grow up on her own. Would you rather she wanted to spend all her money on clothing and talk about boys all the time? I was the same way until I was in my early 20's. And I'm finishing a Ph.D. She's better off not wasting her time on girly stuff.
2006-12-19 11:24:03 · answer #5 · answered by eri 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yeah very bad decision to change her... trust me.. i used to be a tomboy. she'll eventually grow out of it just like i did and plenty more also.. u cant change a childs identity.. they'll change by themselfs over time. for example when she starts socializing alot with her friends in school. obviously the majority of the girls are going to dress girly and stuff so hopefully they'll be a good example for her. but in the meantime let her express herself. and just in case the whole situation of her growing out of the tomboy stage doesnt work then theres nothing wrong with that.. accept her how she is everyone is difrrent in alot of ways. good luck!
2006-12-19 11:55:18 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
She's gonna be who she wants to be, and if you try to make her a girlie girl, she's going to hate it even more. Do you want her to become one of those girls that try to be popular by dressing like everyone else? And she's not your daughter, you can't control her, nor can her parents. If she likes her style, let her go with it. Trust me, I tried being girlie, my friends avoided me, and the guy who liked me wouldn't look at me.
2006-12-19 12:34:00 · answer #7 · answered by cows go moo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well i was a top boy growing up, i didnt like dresses, makeup or any of that stuff. I would climb trees go creeking, fishing, hicking( still do) but one day life hit me and i found my self acting more like a girl. It was because of a boy. IJust keep tring and let her know it is ok to be boyish and still be a girl
2006-12-19 11:52:15 · answer #8 · answered by eaglewolf367 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes you need to back off, she's 12... She'll grow out of it, and firstly she's not your daughter and not your responsibility.. Focus on your daughter, who's bright, talented etc....
When I was 10, I was not girly at all.. It was just a 1 year faze, it passed. bakc off
2006-12-19 11:23:05 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its not wrong of you to want it, but to persist and try and make her change is wrong if she does not want it. Let her act how she wants to- life as a 12 yr old girl is hard enough. Maybe buy her stuff as presents, and then guilt her into wearing them, or get her more unisex things- maybe fitted jeans or fitten t-shirts. But dontmake her change if she doesnt want to, especially since you are her uncle- maybe i'd have better advice or more respect if you were her mother. As long as she is happy.
2006-12-19 09:08:15 · answer #10 · answered by Ashley 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋