How do you let go of someone you love? (husband)?

Question

I love my husband with all my heart. He has done things to lose my trust. We seperated for about 3 months and within the 3 months he meet someone else. I gave him a second chance but i know deep inside my heart it will never really work. We've been together for about 3 months and been married for 5 and half years. I love him soooooo much but i cant take my mind of what he did. He has changed sooooooo much in a good way he was never a bad guy expect for what he did i cant just get past the whole stituation. There are a lot of trust issues and i know its hard to gain trust again. He makes me sooo happy but this whole stituation has just made me a b**** so why put him and me through this. We both really want this to work but i changed so much and i feel like i will never be able to look at him the same way.

The only bad thing is i love him so much.
PLEASE!!! I need advice!

Answer 1

Oh, honey, i feel your pain. I am in the same situation He betrayed me with another woman, but i ask myself, how do you let go when you love so much? Its not easy and only time will tell. I'm still here and i have given myself a time frame. Maybe not fair to him, but considering what he did to me, all is fair in love and war, right? I told myself that if i still have these feelings and images in my head, and the hurt and pain still haunt me when i wake up in one year from the date i found out, i am leaving. I love him and want to forgive him and try to make our marriage work, but i will not live a life with painful thoughts everday. So, Oct 31 of 2007 is my day to make a choice. I will live my marriage like i did before this betrayal. I will offer my love unconditionally, I will not throw things up in his face, or fight about it, I will keep my thoughts and pain to myself and if they are still as strong in Oct of 07 as they are today, I will say goodbye. I am going to marriage counseling, you should try it. If your religious, see your pastor, I did. If you use my advice, you have to also give an honest effort to let it go, and not just bide your time until your date gets here. If you dont try and you dont want to let it go, then it wont. I am trying and I want to let it go and i want to work it out with my hubby, somedays are great, but, yes, i still have those days where i wake up with a knot in my stomach. My wound is fresh, still very much in the healing process, but i am giving it that year, and then i will decide. Good luck and i hope you find something that works for you.

Answer 2

The trust issue... If you really and truly don't feel you can ever trust him again then you should do one of two things, let him go as you are right, why put him through this? Or what's better, don't throw away all these years of marriage and get some help to get past it. Sometimes all it takes is some time.

You guys were separated and even though you feel that he should have been faithful and know that the two of you would get back together again, sometimes it's just not like that ( I know I'd be broken hearted if mine did that if we ever separated). Sometimes men can't be alone emotionally, sometimes they can't be alone for physical reasons only, regardless the two of you were separated. Right or wrong, he felt justified in his actions.

If you really truly love this man with all your heart the way you say you do, then talk to him. Tell him that you don't mean to make him pay for what you feel is an error in judgement on his part, but you can't help but to feel betrayed and it's going to take you some time to get over it, but tell him that you are trying to get over it, to please bear with you for a bit longer. You might also suggest to him maybe going to couples counseling to help the two of you through this tough spot. Right now this can make or break you.

Good luck, I hope it all works out for the best.

Answer 3

I know how you feel, if you love him and you are sure that he has changed then try to forgive him with your heart. It is hard he hurt you and it will take time. Marriage is the commitment of the two parties one to the other, and their mutual attachment of mind and heart. You must learn to live together in harmony, and to work together as a team. To get the love and trust back in your marriage.

Answer 4

One of the best gifts I have ever received was from my 2 little grandsons,(with the help of their Mommy, of course), and it is something I will treasure forever! You could do something similar, depending on the age of your oldest child, I think! Have the oldest child sing something, either alone, or with you, or even along with a recording, then you can record your own thoughts and feelings for your husband, along with your children talking to him, and the baby making sounds;(if old enough, it is precious to make a baby giggle or laugh--a belly laugh is priceless)!! This would make a CD that your husband could keep in his vehicle and listen to anytime he wanted to, and he would always be reminded of how much you care and love him! My oldest grandson was 8 and taking piano lessons, and the youngest was 6, and learning to play by ear, when they made my CD, and they both have piano presentations, plus vocals, plus they tell me they love me very,very, very, much!! IT IS ABSOLUTELY PRICELESS!! Every trip I take, my husband and I listen to it, and of course, then we are ready to come home and see our boys! Anyway, that is my suggestion! Good luck to you and your family! Whatever you decide to do, it sounds like you are well grounded and understand the need for family values, and that is certainly what our young people need in this crazy world today!

Answer 5

You love him but not what he did/does. That's the difference. If you already know that it won't work then don't put yourself through more pain. You could continue on this path making yourself more and more miserable or end things now. It isn't going to be easy but you need to do what is right for you. Over time you will heal and get better.

Go well

Answer 6

Time heals all wounds. If you really loved him you wouldn't want to let go. If he is as great and changed as you said he has then work on yourself and you can learn to trust again, little by little, and day by day, believe me it does get easier, but he road is long and rough, but if you love him you can travel that road together. Sounds like he deserves you to start to trust him a little bit. Good luck.

Answer 7

You ask, "Why put him and me through this?" Because you are married. Stay with it for better or for, as is the case here, worse. Things will improve with time. It is hard to regain lost trust, but it is possible if he is willing to work at it and be accountable to you, and if you are open to the possiblity of forgiving him someday.

Answer 8

i think that the best thing to do is to stay seperated. trust is the secound thing you need in a relationship beside communication. lets face itwith out those things you are not going to get no where. ask your self "how far is this relationship going to last if i can't trust him?'' well it is up to u, i can't tell you what to do if i am not in the same situation!

good luck!

Answer 9

embrace misfortune, as a time for change. every crisis interrupts life, and makes us feel helpless, and out of control. u have to get control over your fears and doubts. u aren't your circumstances, so don't let them define u. our thoughts create our realities. so we have to be careful what we tell ourselves. don't try to do it alone, build a support network of trusted friends, therapists, clergy. support groups are available for people facing every kind of hurt. try to let go of your old ways of thinking, and looking at problems. u do have the power within u to work this out, stop focusing on what he did in the past, let go of it, and move forward from now on. good luck

Answer 10

what i think you should do is forgive him if you want things to work out. if you feel you can't then leave him alone, try to keep yourself busy at work, with friends, and it will take time but it you will be strong enough to get over it.