why is my husband so stupid at times? ONLY MATURE Answers!?

Question

though we both have full time jobs - he expects the full responsibility of the children to fall on me - the baths, the feedings, the night time rituals, everything. and when he does help out - he acts like he's doing me a big favor. he has the leisure of coming and going as he pleases why i am stuck at home with the kids. do i have a right to be angry?

Answer 1

"If a man had any common sense, he'd be dangerous."

Answer 2

Well, you have a right to be angry, but I don't see that it's going to do you any good.

It sounds like you and your husband are stuck in a loop when it comes to discussions about parental responsibilities. To break the loop, you have to step outside the discussions you're been having.

One suggestion: since the only person whose behavior you can guarantee that you can change is you, why not change your behavior?

Tell your husband that since you cannot handle the stresses of full-time work and handling the bulk of the child care issues, you need to leave your full-time job and take a part-time job instead. And that because you will be earning less money, you need to have a discussion with him about family finances and what changes will have to be made. And then follow through!

The key is: you cannot change him, and he has obviously accepted the status quo of you doing the child care and being very unhappy about it as a preferrable option to taking more care of the kids. Even though you have obviously let him know that you are very upset about the situation. He has spoken: this is what he wants, and he'll accept you being upset about it.

So you can't change him and the way he behaves. You can only change you and the way you behave.

Meet your needs by working less outside the home. If he isn't happy about that, he needs to step up to the plate and take on more responsibility. Just do what you need to do to make sure your needs are met, without seeking permission from him. If he gets upset about it, invite him to go with you to counseling to discuss with a neutral third party what the two of you can do to work together as a team. If he won't go, go without him.

Don't try to make him change. As you've seen, that's an exercise in futility. Ask yourself what you can change about you to meet your needs.

Answer 3

I think so. Especially if you both wanted children. Only if he was up front before having children that he wasn't interested in raising them would this be remotely okay. When both parents have full time jobs the child care responsibilities should be divided equally. The saddest part of all is he is missing out on some real quality time with his children. Children need to know they are loved and cared for by both parents.

I hope you can sit down with him and explain your frustration. Don't do it in anger but try to find a way to show him what he's missing out on and that the children need him too. Work out a schedule...M-W-F is you...T-TH-S is him and on Sunday it's a family affair.

Good luck and take care.

Answer 4

yes, but this is common. It happened because alot of times when the kids were first in your lives you didn't really like the way he did things (bath,clothes,feeding etc) so you just took over. Now your overwhelmed and need help but he is in his habit and doesn't feel like he should.
Well, He does need to help and in doing so it will give him a closer bond with his children.
You need to put him in the predicament where he has no choice but to do it.
If I was you I would come up with sudden business meetings and seminars on certain days and tell him he needs to be home to feed them and all the other things.
And while he is doing that you go have some fun with a friend or something.Believe me, after a very little amount of time he will see what kind of work it takes and realize all you have been doing on your own and start to help out more.Unless hes just to selfish and stubborn headed.

Answer 5

Yes, you do. I stay at home with our children and my husband understands that we both created and wanted these children and that they are the responsibility of both of us. He cleans them up after dinner and puts them to bed. We also arrange the appointments around his work schedule so that he is a part of their well doctor visits. I think what folks forget about marriage and being a parent is that it is a Partnership 50/50. You are just there for each other and appreciate what the other does.

Answer 6

HECK YES YOU DO. I'm a mother of 2 (13 and 9 now) but both hubby and I work full time. We rotated getting up at nights w/ the kids, we always share household chores (still do) sometimes if he is busy me and the kids do it, and if Im busy him and the kids do it.
Your man has NO RIGHT to act like this. What you should do is leave his laundry, his dishes, his towels etc left wherever he drops them and dont you dare clean them for him, make him get off his lazy rump and do something.
He thinks he's the KING, well honey it's time to dethrone him

Answer 7

If that's what he wants then you shouldn't have to work at a "job" full time. Your children ARE are your full time job and I hope you can help him understand that.

As a side note: We only get angry at things that we can do something about.

Good Luck! I hope the love you share for eachother and your children will prevail!

Answer 8

No you don't have a right to be angry. You have babys, you are the mother and guese what mommies do? they take care of the children. So, i think you should get rid of your job adn stay home with the kids. Do you think they are getting anything out of daycare? (just think, a total stranger is raising your kids...hhmm?)

The role of the wife and mother is to take care of the home. And the home entails house work, upkeep of the home, bills, and CHILDREN. You need to treat your man a little better and let him do his job as the protector and the provider, and you do yours as the nurtuer.

Answer 9

Yep honey, you do have the right to be angry.
The best thing my wife ever gave me were those babies. I spent nights up with them through colic and colds. I changed diapers and did baths and played with my babies till I drove her nuts.
My oldest girl has a three year old boy and I cant keep my hands off of him. I take him out when I feed the stock. He rides with me into town to pick grammy up from work.
My children's mom gave up on herself and quit. She ran off with some slob because "farming is to hard of a life" I remarried (my childhood sweetheart) and she's the momma and grandma.
Kids are the greatest thing. well, till they reach their teens.
Any Man that makes a baby, by virtue of planting that seed, has made a promise to that child. To help that baby grow into a better person than he is. It starts at birth.
I'm a farmer, maybe I'm old fashioned but your hubby needs to check himself and do his part.

Answer 10

Yes you have the right to be mad.You just need to put your foot down I did, men have weird thinking but if you say your going to help with our kids, and stick to it he will help but you cant just say it once then let it slide, and after work unless you need something from the store nobody should be leavin that house. The day job is done now its time to do your second job mom and dad.

Answer 11

Damn straight U do!! We are the same, only I have no kids now. I still am the one cleaning, shopping, doing the laundry and if he takes out the garbage, is hurt if I don't say thanks...I have gone on strike, withheld sex, yelled til I am hoarse...it just doesn't change. Question is..who do ur kids come to with that skinned knee or a problem? U...dad will get his..what comes around goes around.